Five reasons computers must be female...
1. No one but their creator understands their internal workings.
2. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
4. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
5. As soon as you commit to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.

Three reasons computers must be male...
1. You have to 'turn them on' to get their attention.
2. Although they are supposed to solve problems, half the time they are the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if only you had waited you could have had a better model.