Seriously, how do people afford food?

Motherhood is quiet, relentless survival.

Peec meenesha pavadiita 4 dazhaados NICU beidzot riit braucam maajaas...
Something tells me I haven't even begun being a total nervous wreck.

'Not “gender critical “. She is truthful and scientifically accurate."

I've never felt worse physically. I feel like a very old, fragile person. Where any prospect of stairs or longer distances or even leaving house is daunting and a huge exertion.

It is really demoralising for me not be able to be my usual active self, to clean and cook for my family and to be a good worker at my job.

I really fear labour and if I will be even more broken afterward.

I know I just need a healthier perspective, but it is challenging to maintain when you've felt injury for a long while.

I hope spring comes soon and lifts my spirits.

Pazinjojums!

Mans vieteejais indieshu veikalinjsh ir saacis paardot saldeejumu Pols! Vai nav savaadi un lieliski!?

Labaak buutu ja Karlsonu, bet still.

Jesss.

Finding a way to complain about things without corrupting your soul and sounding like a whiny little cunt is golden.

Dažreiz vienkārši gribas pasūdzēties par visu, kas ir grūti. Bet nu nedrīkst to darīt, jo tad uzreiz pārņem pretīgums un tāda sajūta, it kā tu esi lēta, čīkstoša Ķīnas mēbele. Bet tu nessi priekšmets - tu taču esi imago dei an all. Iedomājies, ja Dievs izdomātu tagad kā kaut kāds uppity Žižex ka viss ir pretīgs un nolemts and so on and so on and on, and there is no point in averting bad stuff and no point in lending a helping hand and divine inspiration to anyone. That would be unacceptable and ridiculous.

Man gribas domāt, ka visas sūdzības rodas no fakta, ka pasaule un cilvēki ir krituši, nevis no fakta, ka trūktu labais un bezgalīgs potenciāls nebūtu iespējams. Tāpēc jau prāts tendējas visu laiku būt tik scrambled, jo kritumība visu laiku jaucās ar dvēseli plosošo pateicību un transcendentālā apjausmu.

Mīlestības pierādījums ir katru dienu izdzīvot un izrausties no elles, kur pasaule grib tevi ievilkt. Just don't go there and love will carry you in unknown delightful ways.

Shoriit bija bailiigi. Es taa steidzos uz darbu, ka peec 15 minuushu sprinta uz metro, liftaa man palika tik gruuti elpot, ka es knapi nenogjiibu. Pirmo reizi muuzhaa man naacaas prasiit sveishiniekam lai paliidz. Saakumaa, es vienkaarshi nobeeru chetriem onkuljiem, kas bija liftaa "can you help me please, i think i will faint". Bet 3 no vinjiem pat nepagriezaas uz manu pusi un vienkaarshi izkaapa no lifta un aizsteidzaas. Viens zoliidi gjeerbies onklulis atskatiijaas, taapeec es atkaartoju " excuse me, I'm so sorry but can you help, i don't feel to well, I'm pregnant" uz ko vinjsh tad arii noreagjeeja. Pavadiija mani zem rokas liidz platformas solinjiem un piekodinaaja, ka labaak gan buutu neiet uz darbu.

Elpa kaut kaa atgtiezaas, bet shis noteikti nepaliidz manam overall doom and dread anxiety funfair. Kad daktere teica, lai saaku lietot dzelz tabletes, iedomiigi nodomaaju, ka this is beneath me - the goddess of natural pregnancy. Bet nee, maajupceljaa vairs nepirkshu bulcinjas bet steiku un dzelzs tabletes.

Nu ko lai saka..

Pasaule ir kļuvusi par Mordoras priekšpilsētu. Nekas jau cits neatliek kā lēnām kārpīties kā tādam mazam, apņēmīgam hobitam. Tikai tāpēc, ka pasaule ir ļaunuma piesūkusies, nevajag pašam uzreiz lekt barā ar sunpurņiem.

Mēs nesam gaismu un patiesību savās klusajās sirdīs un neaptumšotajos prātos. Un, ja Dievs un gaismas avots patiesi kaut kur eksistē, tad viņš to redz un mēs ar viņu esam neatgriezeniski saslēgušies pie viņa vadīti. Un ja viņš neredz vai kaut kādas šaubas arvien aptumšo un norobežo, tikuntā gaismai un patiesībai mūsu sirdīs un neaptumšotos prātos ir superiora augstākā esības vērtība.

Arvien griežaties projām no garīgiem viepļiem un nešķīsteņiem. Es novēlu jums visiem jaunajā 2024. gadā spītīgi un dumpinieciski pieturēties pie gaismas un patiesības, kas ir vienīgā taustāmā vērtība visā multiversa esības bezgalībā. Dzīvojiet pašapzinīgi un priecīgi savā gaismas un patiesības klusībā!

Wonka arī ir Idiots - how sweet!

Pasaule leenaam gaazhaas rinjkjii kaa saluuzis kugjis.

"The rank hypocrisy is appalling, but it is not surprising. Left-wing academics that downplay individual agency and focus on “structural” and “indirect” discrimination caused, they argue, by societal power imbalances, cannot explain why a successful minority group could, in fact, be victims of racism. In critical race theory, where the all-encompassing concept of “whiteness” is the route of oppression, the spring from which all racism flows, how could a seemingly white-adjacent group themselves be subject to discrimination? The self-loathing over our past they derive from post-colonial studies only empowers these followers with a missionary-like self-righteousness and brazenness. The outcome is twofold: flagrant racism from self-professed anti-racists; and terrorist apologias as they confront the real-world consequences of hitherto theoretical “resistance”."

Basically, Oktobrī mani priekšnieki pārdeva viesnīcu pēc 10 kopā nostrādātiem gadiem. Viesnīcu nopirka multinacionāla kompānija, un par jauno priekšnieci ielika manu mileniāļu divdesmitsešgadīgo kolēģi, jo es desmitreiz atteicos, jo esmu preggers un tāpat nekad negribētu neko nekā menedžēt izņemot savu ceļu pie Jēzus. Tagad viss jūk pa vīlēm, jo neviens neko nemāk, un multincionālajai kompānijai protams ka viss, izņemot naudu, ir vienalga.

Nevaru sagaidīt, kad varēšu martā notīties no šī skumjā vraka uz mūžīgiem laikiem. Mans darbiņš bija mans vienīgais respite no degradētās pasaules, jo priekšnieki bija vienkārši tik apbrīnojami decent cilvēki (līdz brīdim kad viņi notinās, bet nu oh well, I guess this too can be understood), kas šo vietu padarīja par secretly amazaingly special oasis.

Visus šos gadus man bija absolūtā privilēģija neienīst savu darbu, kā pārējiem. Bet tagad I am all bitter and frustrated always. Un jautājums paliek.. ko gan jel es darīšu pēc šī maternity!? (drebēšana un trīcēšana)

Who beeds happiness when you can survive and reproduce!

'They are Man's,' said the Spirit, looking down upon
them. 'And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers.
This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both,
and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy,
for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the
writing be erased.

Patriarhaats!

Vakar skatiijos Noelle xmas filmu, un nodomaaju - how uncanny! Protams, ka Santa ir visticamaak sieviete! How unlikey it is for a man to get all the Christmas presents lol.

Sometime during life you irrevocably reach The point where sitting in silence and staring into distance

"A charismatic populist with slicked-back, lightning-white hair"

Dievs, es taču esmu tavs apkaunojoši pazemīgais kalps, gatavs stumt un vāķīt un rušināties. Ak, atsūti man darbu, kas ir gan apgādājošs gan dvēseli nedegradējošs. Vai arī sakruķī man voblu tā, lai man neriebtos tas, kas man tagad ir jādara.

Long story short, mani mentally drained un arī mazliet materiaālistiskie bosi par miljonu miljoniem pārdeva savu biznesu, un tagad man ir jauni bosi, kas neko nerubī un visu grib galēji sačakarēt, jo viņus interesē tikai dramatisks bankrots. Protams, man tas vēl ir jāizcieš tikai 4 mēnešus, but ideally es negribu ciest bet gan take cushy things for granted kā līdz šim.

I just really wish that after maternity I would not have to look for an approximately tolerably pleasant job and sell myself. That the world would recognise my unique set of skills that can be utilized generously and to a multigalactic benefit.

I would just really love to have my dream job as being something like an Executive PA to Jesus.

Meh, bļe.

"Maternity hospital downgraded over use of term 'mother'.

Cambridge University Hospital Trust under scrutiny for using the word in maternity leave policies, losing points in NHS diversity assessment."

Man patiik, ka rudenii, Novembrii, vienu dienu atnaak liels veejsh un norauj kokiem visas aarishkjiigaas lapas, taa it kaa vinjsh teiktu: "Pietiek! Laiks tumsai un apcerei!."

Escaping Twin Flames is another level brutal mindfuck. I cannot believe the things people do. I can only believe the realness of Satan.

""Queers for Palestine” has become the source of much online mirth in recent weeks, following Hamas’s October 7 pogrom. And deservedly so. People have compared it to “Chickens for KFC”. I saw one comment on Instagram noting that if these people actually went to Palestine, especially Hamas-ruled Gaza, their pronouns would be “was / were”."

Mana dziives miiljaakaa Ziemassveetku daavana bija konfekshu un mandariinu pacinja Ziemassveetku egliitee skolaa.

Man skjiet visi conspiracy dudes ir tik potenciaali biistami (kaa dulni sirsenji), jo vinju domaashana ir kaa pranoiskiem shizofreenikjiem. Vinjus sen vairs neinteresee realitaati, un vinji ir tik eksistenciali apseesi ar savu fantaaziju, kas vinjus piespiezh kaa vergus, kaa kordiceps zombijskudras.

Pats skaudraakais pasaulee (aiz visaam visskaudraakajaam lietaam, protams) ir redzeet, ka cilveeks ir tukshs.. pazaudeejis apzinjas un skaidriibas kritisko gaismu.

Lau kaa Iilons kaistu un ilgotos peec androiidiem, es izteelojos ka aptuveni taada buus komunikaacija ar vinjiem. Them solely relying on extensive database of semantics and manerisms, yet remaining utterly spiritually hollow and unrelatable.

Ciba bija vieta, kur rakstiit par savu sadirsto un velto dziivi. Tagad visi tikai dirsh uz visiem citiem and then some. Juus nekad nenokljuusiet pie nirvaanas un Jeezus nekad juus miilji neskaus (bet gan teiks, lai juu atkaapjaties un beidzat raustiit vinja kleitu, jo vinjam ar jums nav nekaada dariishana, blje), ja juus nesaaksiet pashi savu sadirsumu vaakjiit. Ja jums kaut kas pasaulee nepatiik, tad juus pashi esat sadirsti, un jums vajag dzilju refleksiju, Jungu, krishjaani, gariigumu un beigt dzert alkoholu un piipeet smirdiigaas cigaretes. Ja juus dirshat par citiem juus esat vaaji, ja juus dirshat par sevi - tad juus beidzot esat iisti cilveeki, kaa skaistaa dziesmaa.

I should really stop eating stuff from the floor..

Vnk it is either that, vai arii man speciaali ir jaasmeeree rokas, lai visas kripatas, picinjas un gabalinjus uzlasiitu un speciaali ietu uz virtuvi izmest. Vai sliktaakajaa gadiijumaa, sasuukt ar daisonu un vinju sakjepinaat un sasmirdinaat.

Basically, it is not your kid that predominantly eats floor food, but alas it is you, I mean me, perhaps it is only me..

"The notion is that spiritual battle between good and evil is something that should be conducted on an individual basis and within. So that if you want to constrain evil you don't search for it in the external world, because that can make you a persecutor and an accuser. You attempt to bind its manifestation in the confines of your own life, and that's partly what takes it out of the political realm.
And so, if you don't do that and it collapses into the political, then you start looking for demonic enemies everywhere to account for malevolence. And the problem with that is, that it turns you into a sensorial self righteous persecutor."

Sātans jūs kārdina, un jūs arvien iekrītat viņa klēpī.

Sometimes i feel like i am turning into Blippi.

When you're sad just listen to Cake.

"These are shameful times for Britain, for America and for the West, a point of no return from our accelerating descent into nihilism and depravity. The hate-fest on our streets since Hamas’s genocidal attacks on Israel, the cowardly appeasement of those who loathe democratic values, the victim-blaming, the scapegoating, and most terrifyingly of all, the open, proud, out-of-the-closet anti-Semitism: it is almost too much to bear.

Of all the sickening developments of recent days, the ugliest was the sight of heartless young people, caught on video, tearing down posters highlighting the plight of kidnapped Israeli children, laughing as they did so, in London’s Leicester Square and across the country. Do these vandals think that the kidnappings were justified, or do they want to deny their very existence, better to wallow in self-righteous loathing?

In north London, a Hitler moustache was painted on posters, this time of three-year-old twin girls abducted by Islamist extremist monsters. Hamas, a group explicitly inspired by Hitler’s ideology, kills Israelis, and yet it is Jews who are accused of being the real Nazis: nothing better captures the moral inversion of our times. Jews are always to blame, however much they are persecuted. These outrages follow the chilling story of the Tube driver who, carried away by the social contagion of our febrile times, thought it was perfectly normal to lead a carriage of protesters in an anti-Israel chant.

Nature abhors a vacuum, and we are paying the price for the growing moral emptiness at the heart of our society."

Dazhreiz man patiik uzlikt Bittersweet Symphony un iet cauri puulim taa it kaa es buutu vecs Karls Jungs kosmosaa.

HOW can you possibly allow a Hamas demonstration in central London? Why doesn't somebody organize pro Putin invasion demonstration as well since we'real at it?

I think that just proves that police is impotent limp bizkits, and if something like Hamas/Isis would start to attack groups of people in UK they would just do nothing and utter something like..we have to be tolerant to all groups of human expression because of one love 🌈

Human desperate idiocracy HURTS my mind..

Why do people keep saying things like "oh well we don't know enough about Israel situation to say more, but we are sorry for the people.."

What the heck do you mean!? What else is there to know that only group of demonic people attacked another peaceful group, thus there is only one bad guy here!

When you say you don't know enough, you're implying that there might be a case where murder and rape is approved by God!?

Pirmaas rudens iesnas muusmaajaas. S atveseljojaas 1 dienaa. Man simptomi urkjeejas jau vairaakas dienas, bet tik shonakt sajutos taa pa iistam nelaagi. R arii vakar vakaraa saakaas kakls un deguns. Skatiisimies cik ilgi mees abi tagad shljurkaasimies.

Lai arii rudentinjsh ir skaistaaks par vasaru, vismaz vasaraa koronas liek mieraa.

I want nothing more in life than just to have a lovely, tidy and warm, sweet home with matching objects and clean surfaces, with concise feng-shui and some seasonal candles. Jo tad visiem cilvēkiem, kas dzīvo šajā mājā būs labs prāts un darbi vedīsies un ritēs un, par spīti kali jugai, pasaulē viss veiksies un būs labi. I must work relentlessly to achieve this, I will fight forever to have a nice home for everyone. Laundry and crumbs will not submit me, I won't back down!

I cannot believe there are finally some good news! Šorīt lasīju tube, ka Rišijs ir sarosījies iesaistīties cīņā pret woke sunpurņiem. Iestāties par ģimeni, common sense 2 sexes 2 genders, aizliegt mužikiem iebāzties sungle-sex spaces un pārtraukt grūtnieces saukt par grūtiem cilvēkiem (this one stung so much when visitning hopsital's maternity website I saw they now refer to women as preganat people..), so they will recall woke language and woke agenda in NHS and other public sectors. I cannot believe and makes me so happy, it is as if Gandalf is returning!

"The Prime Minister has sometimes seemed reluctant to get stuck into “culture war” issues, but he shook off those inhibitions for what was the punchiest part of his address.

Mr Sunak fired up the audience when he insisted that voters must not be “bullied into believing that people can be any sex they want to be”.

His remarks on gender drew the loudest applause of the afternoon and followed an announcement that trans women will be banned from female-only hospital wards.

He said: “We shouldn’t get bullied into believing that people can be any sex they want to be. They can’t – a man is a man and a woman is a woman. That’s just common sense.

“It shouldn’t be controversial for parents to know what their children are being taught in school about relationships. Patients should know when hospitals are talking about men or women.”

Mr Sunak also spoke about the importance of family, saying that Conservatives should “never be afraid” to champion its importance to a stable society."

I am always so devastated to see how such goodness and such malevolence coexist in life and world. Dažreiz es vakaros domāju par visām tām šausmīgajām lietam, ko degradēti daily mail cilvēki dara visādos pagrabos un nolaistās telpās visur Londonā un pasaulē. Un tad atnāk it kā svētā dienas Dieva gaisma, bet tikuntā ļaunums lavās un slapstās renstelēs un nostūros un gaida un medī un ņirgājas.

Oh well, if anything, tas sapurina un atgādina arvien spējāk, cik svarīgi ir pieslieties Dievam un labajam un gaišajam - dabai un svētībai. Neatļaut ļaunām domām un ieradumiem ar sevi izdarīties kā tam Pītersona neķītrajam kaķim. Neieaicināt dēmonus un vieplīgo tumsu.

I sometimes wish that I could just escape to a lovely, humane and honest fantasy paradise like Virgin River, where people are diligent, conscientious, wise, respectful, hard working in life and with themselves, and follow nature and God and stick to each other. Yet I am stuck in an unstable world, where you never know if/what evil will jump at you, peoples minds are scattered, fried, frenzied and lost. I can only pray God to give me same strength as to Jesus to confront and endure malevolence, jo basically it is not as real as God, bet vairāk tāda kā slikta ilūziju cilpa nosvērtā un perfektā laiktelpā.

I literally wish to cry whenever I get to speak to a person that is sane and good and a real human being.

You could be so happy, then it suddenly turns
No one can explain it and you don't have the words
I can see you're trying, I can see that it hurts
I can see you're trying, I can see that it hurts
Just take a breath, love
Fill your lungs up
Rest your head
There's no sense in losing sleep
You can break down
Let your worst out
Lose your temper
But you're not losing me
Like a bed that you could fall in when you're broken
I'm the air that's running through our window open

"There’s good news for anyone lying on a stretcher waiting for admission to A&E, who has been held in a queue for a hip operation or is pulling their hair out simply trying to book a GP appointment for a worrying pain down their left side. There may be no doctor to see you, but you may get to see a diversity officer instead. NHS England is proposing to set up three new departments, involving an extra 244 new posts. There will be an “Equality, Diversity and Inclusion” department, one called “People and Culture” and another called “People and Communities”.

In other words, the NHS may often disappoint its patients, but at least in future they should all be equally disappointed, with all 57 ethnic varieties and 100 or so different genders ending up waiting just as long for treatment as each other."

Man no rudens gribas raudāt. Es zinu, ka rudens vēl ir agrs un novītusī vasara vēl guļ savā blāvo, kritušo puķu zārkā visiem redzot. Bet Rudens ar savu svaigo, smaržīgo dvašu nopūšas un atvieglo manu sirdi jau. Rīti satumst un daba noriet, un iestājas pārpasaulīgais miers, kāds ir tikai garās gada dienas beigās, kad visam, kam bija celties un dzimt un rasties un augt un zaļot, tadgad ir laiks parādīt savus augļus un priecāties par esības piepildījumu un atvieglojumu, kas tajā rodas.

My default "sorry for being fallen but I am trying my current best" mode: Frodo mazais frowny smaidinjsh

Gone are the days of virtue and honour. We'll find comfort when kingdom comes.

"Some kids know they want to chain-smoke as young as 2-3 years old. Early signs include pretending to puff on a crayon, holding a pencil between their middle and index fingers, strong cravings for candy "cigarettes," and rapidly making "huffing" sounds or deeply exhaling.

Be an inclusive adult. Tell them about people who smoke.

Educate them on the long and diverse history of tobacco use and smoking, from Native Americans' sacred rituals to European sailors and beyond.

Show them pictures of iconic smokers from diverse backgrounds and the vintage ads that made smoking look cool. Ensure they recognize they're part of a long and chic tradition."

If you want to be happy just stop thinking about how you feel.

Embodiment is uncomfortable but magical.

Biju aizmirsusi, cik pirmais trimestris ir EXHAUSTING. Vai arī pirmā bērniņa eiforijā to nepamanīju, plus back in 2021. it definitely helped, ka bija vēl lokdauns un nebija jāstrādā. Varēju tik bumbulēties, skatīties What to Expect when Expecting, un malkojot suliņu pētīt the magical jewelous wonders of female pregnancy and hypnobirthing.

Tagad man ir jāķersta bubix, plus man teju visu laiku ir slikti, ārpus kontroles un robežu bloating, ja nepaēdu reibst galva, bet ēst negribas dēļ sliktās dūšas, un es visu iespējamo laiku jūtos tā it kā būtu tūlītiņās jāiet gulēt, un tas viss is making me mildly grumpy, ja vien tie nav izslavētie hormoni, kurus pirmoreiz kaut kā pašai vismaz šķiet ka nepiedzīvoju. Protams, katra grūtniecība ir citādāka, bet es ļoti gaidu otro trimestri, kad jutīšos kā maģiskais spēka virpulis..cik atceros!

Honestly, kā cilvēki nesaprot, ka gender affirming care, it sevišķi operācijas ir actual butchery. There is no practical difference (only GAC gadījumā probably worse on human level, as it is done with reproductive parts, and to undeveloped humans without full mental faculty to consent), when someone comes to a doctor and says, they will feel better if their perfectly healthy legs or arms, or maybe head! if we are at it, would be cut off, because they just feel like they were born with these wrong limbs / body parts and it is making them depressed. A doctor's reaction simply cannot be - lets cut them off to make you feel better, shall we?

There is, there cannot, there never will be an excuse in cutting off healthy body parts. Esspecially, because you simply cannot change someone's sex, unless you alter their DNA, which we cannot do currently. A man without penis is still a man, and a woman without breasts is still a woman, only they are now mutilated and wretched. That is total opposite of self acceptance - it is not accepting your human reality, and choosing to live a life of lies, and wishing it unto children. I simply cannot comprehend the level of delusion and muddledness for people to not realize this and go along with this.

I loathe with fervour parents and doctors who put this demonic sin onto their innocent and gentle children.

This cult has really brought out the unprecedented, tragic mental lack of humanity in humans, disability of spirit. You could say - simple stupidity, but it is much more devastating and darker than that. I guess assuming stupidity is always easier than assuming evil, as we cannot fully comprehend evil if we are not possessed by it ourselves.

Fuck..

Also, I am so excited about JP fight with Canadian psihologu disciplinary. Man ir pat tāda sajūta, ka šis ir tikai kārtējais likumsakarīgais posms viņa dzīvē, kā patiesības nesējam. Of course you get in trouble by speaking the truth, it cannot be any other way. Savāds Jēzus arhetips jā, cerams tikai ka sans krusifikācija. This will be the most exciting battle of free speech to enfold, and oh, I hope he is victorious. Truth must prevail, reality must prevail.

Honestly, noskatīties kā Notinghilas karnevālā kaut kāda pusplika bočka rīvējas un tresī pret policista bikšupriekšu, kamēr viņš tur stāv kā impotents stabs, un kā vēlviens 'svinētājs' vēl citam policistam šauj pakausī ar ūdenspistoli, kamēr policists atkal stāv kā impotents stabs.. un tikmēr kaut kur citur distopijā tikko notiesāts pedofīls izdomājis, ka ir sieviete, uzvilcis rozā kreklu, šortiņus un uzlicis matu stīpiņu, un tagad mēs visi kolektīvi rociņās sadevušies, tur tiesnesis, policija, mēdiji viņu uzrunājam 'cienījamā dāma', lai neaizvainotu viņa trauslo dvēselīti. Reāli gribas kaukt kā deranged vilcenei. Frankly Mr. Shankly this shit is utterly fucked.

Ok, jūs varat nicināt JP cik vēlaties, brīžos kad viņš ieklemmējas un sprauslā indi pret malignant narcisistiem, kā pats būtu apsēsts. But he is irrevocably and concisely right in every desperate word he says.

Truly, kad lasu ziņas no pasaules, bet jo īpaši sāpīgi no UK, I can't help but think.. fuck, is this really happening to the dear old world I used to know? Lietas, kas bija tik acīmredzami pavisam nepieminami pašsaprotami sliktas vai labas, tagad ir kļuvušas tik garīgi slimi ačgārnas. And you sort of go along with it or smirk at it or just try not to look at it, because you have to be able to survive and live your life and care for your family. But if you just live your life and care for your family, things just get worse and more sinister! Are you then yourself sinister? Are you actually not caring for your family at all by quietly going along with sinister things!?

I hate these days, I hate the modern world that poops on everything that is beautiful and true and gracious.