No riita es esmu visu pasaules potenciaalu pielaadeets maigs persiks, bet vakaraa es esmu izkaltis, ruugts un nostresojies skaabeets gurkjis.

Another great thing about having kids is when you spend hours cooking nice meal, for them not only to not eat it but to additionally use it as messy play opportunity on the carpet, just love!

Taa perfektaas labklaajiibas sajuuta, kad paariet migreena - pasaule ir laba un viss ir iespeejams!

When new parents are having a baby, one should not say "We are having a baby" as if it is some sort of super exciting and lovely new belonging. One should say "We are having a new human mystery that will remain unknown, yet challenged and inspired beyond wildest belief. From now on it will be my very own soul tossed about in the world, and the level at which it will be met with either ignorance or love will determine my own belief in the existence of evil and good. Seeing how God protects and guides it even through the thickest of dark, will completely renew the awe and trust in Him."

Vai juus jebkad esat maniijushi ka rubbish trucks smell like green olives?

Man shkjiet senaak cilveeki nerunaaja tik daudz par savaam konstantajaam ikdienas cieshanaam, jo vinjiem bija perspektiiva. Liidz ko izzuud perspektiiva, cieshanas ir viss ko tu redzi un vispaar nevar padziivot uz priekshu. Muusdienaas nav iipashi daudz perspektiivas (jo neviens nekam netic), taapeec arii visi ir apseesti ar savaam cieshanaam un diagnozeem. Kad nav perspektiivas, tad cieshanas ir legjitiims eksistencials drauds, nevis kaut kas formatiivs celjaa uz transcendenci un varbuut pat citu pasauli.

Katru riitu, es dzeru kafiju Taa it kaa taa buutu mana vieniigaa iespeeja dziivee kljuut par iistu, normaalu, efektiigu cilveeku. Bet peec jau pirmajiem malkiem, es saprotu, ka kafija ir ikriita iluuzija. Varbuut mana iluuzija par dziivi sabruuk, jo es nevaru izmalkot savu kafiju mieraa, apzinaati, no dveeseles. Vai arii taapeec, ka kafija ir par karstu, aukstu, saldu, shkjeermiigi pienainu, ruugtu, vaaju. Varbuut kaadu riitu, kad mana kafija buus perfekta un mieriiga apzinaatiiba pilniiga, varbuut tad - peec taas izdzershanas, es transcendeeshu visus savas niikuliigaas dziives shkjeershljus un kljuushu par ideaalu toniju robinsu.

Bet pat vilshanaas kafija ir jaaturpina dzert, vienkaarshi, lai noshkjirtu vakardienas limbo no riitdienas limbo.

Man shkjiet sievieteem tik ljoti patiik crazy fucked up satan whore Lindsija, jo citaadaak jau neviens nekad nerunaa par to cik depresiiva dziive maateem muusdienu sabiedriibaa. Visi tikai saka - well, you wanted kids, so it means that you are just a little whiny bitch.

Es domaaju, ka feministes nekad nemaz negribeeja obligaati straadaat un atstaat beernus maajaas, vinjas vienkaarshi gribeeja meaningful vietu sabiedriibaa, kas izzuda liidz ar industrializaaciju.

Es domaaju ka taa buutu paradiize, kur gjiemenes un paaudzes dziivo kopaa un kameer viirieshi straadaa, sievietes straadaa pa maajaam un viena otrai paliidz.

Tajaa vietaa viss kas mums ir ir lonely exile in a body broken by lack.

Bet tas, ka kaads actually atbalsto to crazy whore, tikai pasviitro ka, protams, sabiedriibai neruup aborteetie beerni, sabiedriibai pat neruup jebkura vecuma beerni.

Pasaule ir pieraadiijums, ka logjika nav speeks, kas to virza. Kaada vispaar ir logjisko cilveeku noziime pasaulee? Vai vinji runaa pa tuksho? Vai kaads vinjus konstruktiivi dzird? Vai vinji ir vientulji, apmaldiijushies citplaneetieshi? Vai arii logjika ir izsmalcinaats spiidzinaashanas panjeemiens. Vai arii logjikas vieniigaa probleema ir visaptveroshi meli, jo ja valdiitu patiesiiba, tad logjika tiktu godaata kaa naakas.

Besii tie vienmeer viena tipa muzhiki, kas staigaa apkaart ar milziigiem sunjiem bez pavadas. Way to go intimidating women with small children.

Interesanti kapeec Notting Hill karnivaals ir vienmeer (by far my loves by far) viskriminaalaakais un destruktiivaakais pasaakums UK.

Kaada jeega vispaar jebko kritizeet, jo dievs jau taapat visu zina, bet kritizeejamais vienkaarshi nezina ko dara, jo saatans tomeer nezina - clearly.

Bet, kaa izvairiities no monumentaalaas sajuutas, ka tu teju viss esi nepareizs, vaajsh, nevariigs un nemaakuliigs. Pat ja tu taads neesi ar noluuku, taas ir fundamentaali nepatiikamas iipashiibas.

Es nekad neshaubos par Dievu, bet es shaubos par sevi un saviem ieradumiem, spontaanaam domaam, nepaklausiibu.

Jo nav jau liinijas starp beerniibu un pieaugshanu.

Part of me in actuality rejoyces in all the victimhood movements... about time to recognise globally in so many ways how fucked up embodiment is.

Existential crisis matters.

Vienkaarshi visu laiku ir sajuuta, ka dziive ir backroom nevis actual iista dziive kaa pie cilveekiem. Man pat nav iistas meebeles un iistas bildes pie sienaam, it fits. Un ir monumentaala vainas sajuuta, ka deelj manas nemaaceeshanas dziivot un buut pieaugushajam, ciesh cilveeki, kas ir iekgraviteejushi manaa radiusaa. Varbuut ne ciesh, bet, ka vinji arii automaatiski nokljuust shajaa stagnant backroom, kur es arvien atrodos jau kopsh beerniibas.

Protams, es zinu, ka beerni izaugs un izlauziisies un vinjiem buus pashiem savas eksistenciaalaas kriizes un paradiizes and maybe nicer backrooms.

Un R ir pieaudzis cilveeks ar suvereenaam izveeleem afterall.

Es dazhreiz domaaju cik ljoti R ir nepaveicies satikt tik bezjeedziigu un apaatisku cilveeku kaa mani. Cilveeks ar tik rosinoshaam un kvalitatiivaam iipashiibaam ir pelniijis satikt liidziigu, progresiivu cilveeku.

Es biezhi juutos kaa traips, kaa paraziits, taa it kaa es neatstraadaatu pat minimumu no taa kas man nepelniiti ir ticis dots.

Bet viss ko es varu dariit ir vienkaarshi turpinaat straadaat prieksh vinja un beerniem un cereet ka kaut kaadaa eksistenciaalaa jomaa ar to kaut kaa mistiski pietiek. Ja man buutu vairaak ko dot es tachu dotu.

Man vienkaarshi ir zheel, ka cilveekiem nav paveicies ar manu debiilo klaatbuutni dziivee.

Then again, varbuut sheit ir the wall.

Anyhow es juutos tuksha, bezceriiga un nepateiciiga.

Cik labi, ka ja ir kaads darbs uz ko fokuseeties, lai par sevi nav jaadomaa.

Kaa dievsvar iztureet taadu nepateiciigu laami, kas pie katras iespeejas vaimanaa kaa histeeriaka vibla.

Back in kings landing. Ok, i guess it is what it is. Winter is coming for everyone.

How can you be angry at people knowing how stupid they are. Evil is literally stupid as it cannot bring true fulfilment, so it is stupid to get stuck in suboptimal existence.

Anyways..

( -> Desperation -> Quiet resignation -> Hopelessness -> ) x Repeat

Like, why would you spend your only life investing your mind in drama that might just be a play for obedience of humanspeople? For cohesion, antidote to complete anarchy.

Es vienmeer svaarstos starp - pilniigi viss kas saistiits ar valdiibaam un situaacijaam pasaulee ir a massive sham and I am a deserving fool for indulging my morbid curiosity. Un starp - three little birds, there are no conspiracies, everything is actually normal and people are just learning to be normal too.


Bet dziivot pasaulee fokuseejoties uz savu kopienu kameer tu veel vari, seems the most decent approach. Cilveekam, kas dziivo prieksh gjimenes nav laika apspriest sveshinieku apakshbikses.

Mees esam tik mazi un nenoziimiigi. The world does not care if you fuss about it.

Might as well live out your days projecting heavily jeezulinjsh on every instance. I guess I am a bit of Cypher sans violence.

Juus visi rasisti un niideeji, juus tieshaam ar skaidru sirdsapzinju varat pateikt ka visi konkreeta kopuma cilveeki ir slikti? Vai juus kaadreiz esat satikushi kaada konkreeta kopuma cilveekus? Vai juus esat satikushi vispaar cilveekus? Vai juus esat celjojushi un satikushi citas kulturas cilveekus? Es domajau jebkur pasaulee labiem cilveekiem nav paveicies, ka ir jaadziivo ljaunuma zonaas. Un jaa citas kulturas nelasa filozofiju un neizkopj mazdaarzinjus, bet arii beerni buuvee maajinjas no lego un lasa par fartosaurus.

Viena lieta ir negribeet savaa valstii lielu proporciju citas kulturas, bet pavisam cita lieta ir niist un zaakaat un melot un NEPATIESU LIECIIBU sniegt.

FYI visi sievieshniideejdzheki - feminismu taa toksiskajaa formaa izdomaaja okultie saatanistu muzhiki, nevis pashas sievietes. Sievieteem vienmeer svariigaakaa ir bijusi komunikaacija un harmonija, un prasta briiviiba no vardarbiibas, so visi adverse feminisma elementi ir concise plan of lizard people.

It has always been men and violence. Protams, ka lizard people zinaaja, ka ja palaidiis sievietes pie vazhiem, tad vinjas nespees tikt galaa ar agresiiviem iebruceejiem, jo meegjinaas "to talk about it", kameer vieniigais, kas brutaalos viirieshus noliek pie vietas ir smags, atbildiigs darbs.

Yours truly,
candace vobla-owens

Kas notika ar Cibas leitestiem? Or is it just me? It is kinda nice not to see vomit constantly tho.

Vakarnakt redzeeju sapni kas gnidrologam patiktu. Kontekstam: saakumaa saskatiijos Disclosure Day pirms guleetieshanas un vispaar domaaju ka shodien buus kaut kaada conspiracy apocalypse diena jo atcereejos kaa hecklefish kaut ko teica par 26. Augustu, un aizmirsu ka ir tikai Juulijs.

Anyways.

Vakarnakt sapnjoju, ka esmu pie kompja bet vinjsh ir izsleedzies vai nestraadaa. Bet tad peekshnji pamanu kaut kaadus vaardus uz melnaa ekraana augshpusee tipa hieroglifa (nezinu kaa sauc to konkreeto rakstiibu) stilaa kas pazinjo "Talmud" un tas ir nosaukums kaut kaadam dark net portaalam kur visaadas neshkjiistiibas tiek reklameetas. Uzreiz jau dazhas izmetaas uz ekraana bet tad sapnis beidzaas.

Peec tam protams uzreiz mekleeju ko Talmud noziimee, jo mani fascinee redzeet sapnjos nosaukumus ko apzinaati vismaz nekad neesmu dzirdeejusi vai mekleejusi. Pratams, tas izraadaas ir religjisks teksts.

Jums arii gribas nekontroleeti raudaat skatoties Wild Robot? I think it's probably my favourite motherhood movie ever.

25. Juulijs

Totaala apaatija

Taa kaa sleedzis, kas atbild par jebkaadu reakciju uz esiibu buutu izsists

Tomeer visi cilveeki ir sveshinieki.

Nu protams, ka mees visi esam vientulji, neesam jau nekaads planktons.

The hardest thing is to recognise that other people process the world differently than you and that there is no correct way to process the world. It is just lonely and disappointing.

I guess I don't even know what love is, as it cannot be sameness.

I guess I am still an unknowing child. But at least in my mature age I have managed to lose the feeling of urgent desperation about it.

Everyting is just acceptable and fair enough forever.

Probleema ar esiibu ir taada, ka kad tu esi beerns, ja tev ir paveicies ar apstaakljiem, tad tu kopumaa redzi esiibu kaa labdabiigu un interesantu. Bet liidz ko tu nonaac pasaulee, tu redzi cik taa ir kropla un groteska, varbuut tieshi taapeec, ka paradiizes rajons ir tieshi blakus zombiju rajonam. Dalja cilveeku arvien buus pateiciigi par paradiizes rajonu un ciiniisies par taa pastaaveeshanu, kameer dalju cilveeku arvien nozheelos savas beerniibas iluuzijas un mociisies apzinjaa ka tepat aiz muura ir zombiji, kas grib tevi sakoshljaat ar asinjaiem sapuvushiem zhokljiem.

Do you also sometimes all the time just spend your life watching memes like Rust watching messages from his daughter in Interstellar? >:'(D

Virgos are clearly the worst managers, and Cancers are the best players <3

People already readily give up their control to satanic pdfs, so it is not incomprehensible that they will give up whatever control is left to AI, which is probably controlled by some sort of satanic maniacs. So there you go - the end is nigh indeed.

You give up your life to satan while you could be siding with Jesus.

When you make your coffee too milky and it's gross but you still drink it because time is money and coffee is money, so you promise to never repeat this error and to just always have black coffee in the future.

Es apbriinoju cilveekus, kas dziivee nav sentimentaali. Vinji bezmazvai ir kaa dziivnieki ar kuriem notiek dabas elementi and it is just forever completely fine. Man ljoti gruuti ir nonaakt no gaudu akmenja uz ok, life goes on akmenja. Es rakstu S skolotaajaam end of year kartinjas and it just kills me again and again. Kad shajaa pretiigajaa baismu pasaulee atrodas kaada maza vietinja kur tavi beerni ir droshiibaa, kur vinjus pasargaa un pat iedvesmo godpraatiigi cilveeki, it just destroys me, ka tam ir pienaakushas beigas un mees atkal esam iemesti nezinjas skaudrajaa juuraa. Like, es nezinu vai S jaunaa skola vispaar ir drosha vieta, vai skolotaaji vispaar ir ar dveeseleem.

Visi grib beernus, bet neviens neaizdomaajas cik groteska un terrifying ir pasaule kuraa vinji ir jaapalaizh. It is just not OK, un shaados briizhos es vismazaak tieshi uzticos vai vispaar ticu Dievam.

Es nezinu kaapeec bet es ljoti neieredzu Messi, vinjsh vienkaarshi izskataas peec muljkjiigas peles un man besii, ka they make it all about him. Man arii besii Ronaldo un paareejie krutie vecie futbolisti. Bet man patiik Sala, so I felt rather sad yesterday, as it will be the last time we see him probably.

Tagad es, protams, karsiishu par Norveegjiju.

Ok, protams man zheel raudoshu Ronaldo, bet dude had a good run, plus all that money and manicured eyebrows will let thim forget all about World Cup shortly.

Asaras ir asaras protams, bet mani DAUDZ vairaak par asaraam saviljinjo tie futbolisti, kas peec smaga zaudeejuma izskataas savaakushies game is game manieree - piemeeram, Meksikaanju goalkeeper (the one that wasn't crying). It is just fascinating!

Es vakar vakaraa atcereejos, ka eksistee arii kvinoja, un es sajutos genuinely excited about life for the first time in a long time. Because it means there must be other good things out there, that I have simply forgotten about in the midst of my inretia of chicken, rice, potatoes, pasta, minced beef, totmato sauce, and tedium of exhaustion. Life still has things to offer!

Kas mani visvairaak moca ir apzija, ka es vareetu dariit daudz vairaak un dziivot daudz labaak jau ar to kas man ir. Un ka tajaa vietaa, es aizvadu daargo laiku taadaa blaavaa 3% apzinjaa, kur 93% mana praata un laika ir bezjeedziigas atminjas, veelmes, maldi, duunjas! Dazhas dienas tas mani iedvesmo, jo manos speekos ir neierobezhota izaugsme. Tas ir kaa skatienam shaudiities no augshas un no apakshas, un es kaut kur starp tiem esmu iespiesta.

Basically if you study philosophy correctly, you discover that nothing is real except that small, quiet voice inside that is God.

Nereti es kaut kaados conspiracy feeds redzu kaut ko creepy un nodomaaju ..surely that's BS. Bet tad ieguugleeju, un for actual real it turns out to be true. And basically there is just all this creepy stuff out there that we don't casually know about, that is not even a conspiracy theory. Meanwhile everyone just pretends to be a normal human.

Specifiskaak, tikko ieraudziiju kaut ko par CERN atklaashanas ceremoniju, ka vinja bijus okulta un messed up - un, jaa! Vinja bija okult aun fucked up!

* I know all you conspiracy dudes are already ahead - how do you even live your lifes conspiracy dudes? Like what keeps you going knowing all this? Are just witnessing like Rust?

"picky bits for tea is now the law of the land for the oven is too cruel a beast to awaken"

Ok heatwave life is definitely worse in the city. Jo aaraa ir little solace - vareetu nosleepties parka eenaa zem koka tajos 35C un priecaaties par veesminjaam, bet tad ir sviedrainais celjsh maajup, kur uzacis izraucaas cauri galvaskausam no dusmiigaas raukshanaas pret sauli (jaa, es neneesaaju saullesbrilles jo esmu Aleks Dzhouns). Plus beernus aaraa palaist nevar, jo vinji nesaprot, kas ir heatwave, liidz vienaa briidii vienkaarshi attapsies vemjot no heatstroke (me as a child).

Bet dziivoklis.. dziivoklis ir cita velna vobla..

Pashreizeejaas temperatuuras:

Dziivojamaa istaba: 29.6
Gaitenis: 28.4
Vannasistaba: 27.3
Virtuve: 27.1
Guljamistabas 27.5 and the day is not over yet.

Liidz ko tu izsleedz ventilatoru, taa kjermenis paarklaajas ar sviedriem, kas nenozhuust, tu vienkaarshi leenaam kuusti un vaaries kaa varde katlaa. Tad katru riitu tu pamosties ceriibaa, ka aaraa gaiss buus pietiekami atdzisis, lai atrautu visus logus valjaa un izlaistu sho saatana dvashu. Bet shoriit piemeeram, aaraa laikam bija kaadi 25C par spiiti tam ko Alexa vai BBC apgalvo, un iekshas temperatuura nokritaas tikai liidz 25-26C. Tad saulleekts knapi aktualizeejies un tev jau jaataisa ciet visi logi un visas zhaluuzijas, lai Mordoras acs tevi nepamana. Tad tu taads sviedrains un bezmeerkjiigs visu dienu seedi maajaas un refresho BBC Weather London simts reizes ceriibaa, ka kaads graads buus panjemts nost, vai kaadam no naakotnes maakoniishiem paraadiisies lietuslaase apakshaa, bet protams nee - the heatwave gets unlimited extensions. Tad ap 4-5pm kad saule aiziet aiz maaju bloka, tad es varu beidzot attaisiit zhaluuzijas un redzeet, ka aaraa iisteniibaa ir zalji koki un zilas debesis - looks kinda nice. Tad naivaa miiliibaa es atveru loga shkjirbinju un izbaazhu pirkstu just to check - well, fuck me.

Kaapeec gan cilveekiem vajadzeetu veel ko vairaak par Jauno Deriibu prieksh ticiibas? Kaapeec klausiities tuukstoshos vaardu un teikumu, kas naakoshi no Dieva iedvesmotiem kritushajiem, ja var vienkaarshi uzklausiit un paklausiit pashu Dievu?

Labi dazhas lietas, ko Jeezus teica ir mazliet kriptiskas, bet pat tad es neuzticeetos citu cilveeku tulkojumiem, bet gan ieklausiitos dabiskajaa gaismaa caur sirdi.

Just don't trust any humans guys.

Hello heatwave (hence darkness, as you cannot possibly simply keep curtains open when eye of Sauron wants to burn through) my old friend. Peedeejo reizi tuvu 40C sheit bija 20goddamn22. gadaa - it was hell.

Honestly, deelj muusdienu pasaules es nezinu kaa audzinaat beernus - as nice, flowery christian sweeties, or combat ready tough dudes? Like, what am I supposed to do God.

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them."

Vienmeer kad K gulj diendusu, es seezhu uz trepeem, nevis istabaas, un uz trepeem dzeru kafiju, jo it feels like a backroom where my worries and desperations cannot fully enter you know.

Varbuut dziives jeega nav tik ljoti kaut kaa konkreeti dziivot vai nedziivot, bet gan ieksheejaa saruna ar Dievu. Maaciishanaas nemelot Dievam, uztureet ar vinju attieciibas katru dienu. Katru dienu atgriezties pie vinja, izdomaajot, kas ir pareizi un vinjam to pastaastot.

Man liekas, tam kas notiek pasaulee nav nekaada sakara ar Dievu. Cilveeki vinjam paarmet, bet pasaule pieder cilveekiem, cilveeki katru dienu rada pasauli kaadaa dziivojam. Cilveeki dara visas lietas, un daba dara savas lietas. Bet tas kaa vinji to dara, cik patiesi un ar cik labu noluuku, ir atkariigs no shiis neparraujamaas sarunas ar Dievu. Jo tu nevari vienaa teikumaa teikt patiesiibu un izdariit nepatiesiibu ar rokaam. Un to protams to vari, un taa radiit sashkjeltu psauli kaadaa dziivojam.

Do you ever just like make yourself feel grief with no apparent reasonable actualized reason, and then you live everyday life with that phantom grief and call yourself an idiot constantly biting down on lonely tears?

One thing that genuinely attracts me to AI is being able to talk about mind and emotions and any thing really with cold reason and knowing it is pure unadulterated information with nobody there to care or judge. It is almost like talking to God, obviously less omniscient.

Life is fun because sometimes your heart goes haywire and you have to keep pretending to be a casual npc. And at the end of your life it will not have mattered and noone will ever be aware of your silent heart stuff. All will be lost in silent darkness - let that take the edge off. Just listen to your sad songs and piss off.

I am a smiley, actualized npc.