Practical support is better than emotional support anyway. And for spiritual support you only need Jesus.

Visu sho nedeelju es spiezhu R skatiities Worst Ex Ever. Vakar pie kaarteejaas episodes es R saku, ka gee, this is really making me stressed and upset, un skatiijos uzreiz savu heart rate pattern uz fitbita. Tachu par paarsteigumu skatos, ka visu epizodes laiku mans heart rate ir nokrities uz 60 steady, taa it kaa es buutu aizmigusi vai totaalaa miera staavoklii - taa man ir tikai, while nursing K to sleep. Un R tas pats. Izsecinaajaam ka esam vai nu psihopaati, vai arii true crime is just a very relaxing watch for unwinding after a long day.

Veel arii shajaa pavasarii man praataa maajo tv trio ko noskatiijaamies, Paradise, For All Mankind un Interstellar, kas ir radiijis taadu neaptveramu, entropisku bet skaistu state of mind, where it makes you cling to whatever is this narrow, sweet consciousness of human brain that gifts us brief, warm familiarity on Earth, that we will never know otherwise not for eternity elsewere.

Jaa shii esiiba varbuut nav iista, bet familiaritaate, ko taa izraisa muusu dveeselees, ir apbriinojams fenomens pats par sevi. Varbuut to var izskaidrot tikai ar to, ka viss ir Dieva shkjiedra. Jo kaapeec gan tad es shajos skaidriibas briizhos no sirds miilu pat sava iireetaa dziivoklja nobruzhaataas, magnolijaa kraasotaas toletes durvis - tajaa briidii pasaulee vienkaarshi nav nekaa iipashaaka, kaa manas mazaas noplukushaas maajas ar taas iemiitniekiem un objektiem. Esiibas esences gaisma spiid visam cauri.

13. maijs, 13. juunijs.. man vienkaarshi patiik shie datumi. Jo triispadsmitnieka dziljdomiibu un draudiigumu atbrunjo maija un juunija maigums un dailjums.

Nu un tikko peecpusdienaa, kameer bijaam citaa beernu speeljlaukumaa, vinjam nonshalanti cauri leenaa garaa izgaaja jauns dodgy paskata dzheks ar kaut kaadaam daarza shkjeereem rokaa. Vinjsh staigaaja kaadu laiku apkaart speeljlaukumam, kaut ko dariija ar telefonu turot savus cutters. Es totaalaa paranojaa pagraabu beernus un teicu ka ejam pirkt saldeejumu. Like it just is what it is..

You know you're in London (and also in a failed idea of society aka The West) when.. devinjos no riita tukshaa beernu speeljlaukumaa esi tikai tu, tava divgadiigaa meitinja un transvestiits shuupolees.

*

Es biezhi domaaju par to cik impotenta un ievainojama es juutos kopsh beerniem. Pirms beerniem tu vienkaarshi dari visas lietas ko no tevis sabiedriiba sagaida - reekjini, darbs, jebkas bla bla pilseeta un bankas konti. Bet kopsh beerniem, man ir sajuuta ka dienu un nakti visus shos gadus es staavu pie sveetaas uguns, kas man ir jaanosargaa un jaauztur, es nevaru noveerst ne aci. Taapeec logjiski ka nekam citam nav laika. Veel ar S, kad es atgriezos darbaa kad vinjam bija 11 meeneshi, es laikam veel meegjinaaju kaut kaa atgriezties pie buushanas normaalam industriaalaa sabiedriibas cilveekam kas straadaa darbaa un brauc transportaa. Bet jau tad mani niicinaaja skaudri vainas apzinjas viljnji un izmisums, atstaajot S daarzinjaa - redzot kaa vinjsh tur raud un ir pamests novaartaa bez mammas siltuma un uzmaniibas. Es vienkaarshi uz to pieveeru acis.
Un tagad kad man ir arii K, es esmu pilniibaa izskritusi no sabiedriibas, jo vinja ir sveetaa uguns, ko shoreiz es sapratu ka nevaru atstaat novaartaa - tas lauztu manu dveeseli un varbuut arii vinjas.

Un tad es domaaju par to, cik pateiciiga es esmu R, un visiem viirieshiem kas pasargaa savas sievietes un beernus taa, lai vinjaam nav jaatstaaj savi beerni sveshumaa, kad vinji ir mazinji. Es biezhi apzinos, ka bez R es vienkaarhsi izputeetu, jo esmu pilniibaa zaudeejusi speeju buut industriaalajam cilveekam. Es vienkaarshi esmu mamma tagad.

Un tad es domaaju par to kaads haoss un trauksme un tragjeedija ir buut vientuljai mammai. Vinjai visticamaak ir jaamobilizee pilniigi visi savi vaargie speecinji, lai notureetos sabiedriibaa un nosargaatu savus beernus par spiiti tam, ka vinjai ir jaastraadaa un jaabuut projaam no sveetaas uguns, no maajaam, no savas suutiibas un pasha galvenaa uzdevuma. Tas visticamaak totaali salauzh garu, vai vismaz to shaushaliigi ievaino. Un tad es domaaju par beerniem, kas taa arii izaug pie ievainotaam mammaam. Un kas notiek ar vinju dveeseleem?

Es esmu laimiigaakais cilveeks pasaulee. Es to vienmeer atcereeshos, un katru dienu apteikshos Dievam par esiibas briinumu.

Vismaz reizi gadaa es zvanu GP un uzskaitu savus simptomus. GP tad man uztaisa asinsanaliizes, pasaka ka viss ir OK and I should just take it easy and get some sleep. That sustains me for another year. Then repeat.

Es biezhi juutos kaa tas viirietis no Synecdoche, New York. Tad es domaaju, ka es aptuveni varu sadziivot ar saviem simptomiem, ja vien es izdziivoju vismaz liidz vecumam, kad mani beerni ir patstaaviigi. Kopsh vinjiem man ir added level of EXTREME FEAR izdziivot deelj vinjiem.

Es esmu sasniegusi taadu faazi, ka liidz ko gribas kaut ko komenteet par pasauli un taas notikumiem, es uzreiz sevi apshaubu jo: it could be AI, it could be just content, it could be unreal, it could be lizzid ppl, all of it is irrelevant to my 4 walls.

Bet mostly, ka it could just be content or AI.

So man vienkaarshi vairs nedomaajas par sensaacijaam, my interest has collapsed completely and it is a strange state.

I have enough content in the sink and laundry basket and in the folder of future fears and anxieties.

Karoche jo vairaak tu kaut ko miili, jo skaudraaks wreck tu kljuusti to meegjinot saglaabt un frishinaat un notureet. I just lament that I cannot enjoy any bit of this pure paradise I am in due to crippling FEAR.

Cilveeki vienkaarshi meegjina taadeejaadi izbeegt no cieshanaam. Bet dziive uz zemes ir cieshanas vai nu ar jeegu vai bezjeedziigas, vai pat destruktiivas.

Feminisms vienkaarshi ir taads pats transhumaanisms, where people just want to transcend their nature because nature of course is suffering. But as i said before, suffering is inevitable, all you can choose is ways in which you suffer. And suffering in natural ways beats suffering in unnatural ways.

Contraception is sexist, abortions are sexist - killing a part of your own body that society does not want or support - that is opposite of empowerment. Restraining and denying your female body to be more like a man, to fit in with men and manly habits and ambitions. How pathetic, how sad!

Governments communicating with gifs - world used to be serious.

Es nezinu vai shis ir vecums vai kaada zaraza, bet reaali meenesii varbuut ir kaads paaris dienas, kad juutos normaali un kaa cilveeks kas var dariit lietas. Paarsvaraa es vai nu ciinos ar kaut kaadiem mistiskiem simptomiem, where your life and future flashes by etc., vai hormoniem, vai sazin kaadu sunjpurnju voblu. Vai tas ir vecums? Vai taas ir bailes? Vai tas ir beidzot Dieva sods par maniem dziivee sakraatajiem greekiem?

Shajos briizhos nav patiesaakas patiesiibas, ka dziivot veselaa kjermenii ar veselu garu, un peec Dieva likumiem - ir Paradiize zemes virsuu, un cilveeki to nezina, un labpraatiigi sevi degradee.

Kjermenis apzinjai ir kaut kas totaali skaudrs un baiss.

Vieniigaa lieta par ko es esmu nepieklajiigi prieciiga sevis sakaraa, ir ka mana skaistuma rutiina ir tik vobliiga un briiva, ka es juutos kaa pavasara taureniitis.

Taatad seju es mazgaaju ar Dove ziepeem vai jebkaadu beenru shampuunu vai vannas liidzekli kas pagadaas, tad apsmeereeju manstyle ar random e45 vai buutiibaa jebkuru body lotion that's within grasp. Matus i just wash n go ar jebkuru random herbal essences vai aussie vai pantene shampuunu ko R izveelas. And that's it my folks. Labi, tad man ir triis Laveras shtruntinji skropstaam, uzaciim un luupaam, un foundation ja eju tikties ar actual cilveekiem. Smarzhas man jau gadiem ir random vaniljas essential elljas that are probably meant for a diffuser?

Tad kad beerni izaugs lieli un es buushu veca, sakaltusi tantiite, varbuut tad ja man nebuus kur naudu likt es beidzot investeeshu tirkiiza auskaros, vaigu pomaadees un pirmo reizi muuzhaa aizieshu uz manikiiru.

Aa, nagus es peedeejo reizi nolakoju 2023. gada Martaa.

Es nesen nopirku mazu, leetu raachinju, uzstaadiiju vinju virtuvee un vienkaarshi klausos Radio Caroline, and that is all my life is right now.

Veel arii es biezhi domaaju par to, kaa cilveeki tik fenomenaali izshkjeerdee laiku apsaukaajoties un kaujoties, kameer vinji vareetu klausiities Radio Caroline un taisiit siermaizes ar kafiju. Like why would you want to make nuclear bombs instead.

Jo vairaak mees progreseejam plastmasas koku naakotnee, jo vairaak es atceros detaljas no beerniibas, kas mani skaidri paarliecina, ka beerniiba vai vismaz tas laiks, kad uzaugu vai vieta, bija shkjiista esiibas paradiize. Tagad vienkaarshi ir prison planet.

Mana vieniigaa veeleeshanaas dziivee ir, ka mani beerni no shiis esiibas var izveidot, tajaa saskatiit kaut ko visa veertu/skaistu/sveetu.

Noklausiijos Reichelas Wilsones Rogana interviju un holy moly, we really are screwed aren't we.

I really lament the fact, ka ir tik viegli jaunus cilveekus iedvesmot uz buutiibaa jebko. Bija tik katartiksi paklausiities, kur visas shiis kaisliigaas un shaubiigaas feministes un vinju sunpurnji ir izceelushies. Theosophy, satanism, porn - just wholesome and lovely.

Ir labi, ja tiiri intstinktiivi feminisms shkjiet shaubiiga huinja, kas ar apgreeciigu taisniibteeloshanu spiezh moraali domaat un dariit lietas, kas ir pretstataa dveeselei. Bet ir veel labaak, intelektuaali prasties un paarliecinaaties, ka intuiicija un dveesele is king.

Es sort of saprotu hearty kristieshus, kas neapstaajas, jo it seems just about the only code that actively protects from war on your soul.

Ja man 2013. gadaa randomly nebuutu iepaticies Jeezus, es visticamaak tagad buutu nojuugusies Kali, ja es buutu tik taalu izdziivojusi.

Liidz kaadam briidim dziivee tu uz pasauli un citiem cilveekiem skaties kaa uz vecaakiem/autoritaateem, kam noteikti ir definitive gudriiba un best intentions at heart. Bet tad vienu dienu, kad tu jau esi mazliet padziivojis un jau paarej dziives otraa pusee, tu peekshnji atskaarsti - Ok, I haven't figured anything out, I err daily and all my best intentions will never make the smallest dent in the common goodness or rather folly of the world. Tu saproti, ka tik vien tu esi kaa taads varbuut mazliet labaak disciplineets beerns, bet tikuntaa beerns, ar 'kaapeec?' un emociju izvirdumiem, un savtiibu. Tikai tad tu saac skatiit liidzcilveekus kaa taadus pashus beernus, dazhs ir klases gudriitis, kaads ir mieriigs draugs, cits ir negants kauslis, mees neviens neesam autoritaate. Taa ir plika Dieva zheelsirdiiba un briinums, ka mees kaut kaa veel velkam uz priekshu, ka veel notiek labas lietas taadaa kritushaa pasaulee. Taapeec, ka labais ir briinums, mums ir pienaakums par to priecaaties, un tikai uz to fokuseeties!

"Rats the size of rabbits are still stalking the streets of Birmingham a year after bin workers staged an all-out strike.

Britain's second largest city has been described as a 'slum area' and 'as bad as Victorian Britain' as it continues to reel from one of the longest-running industrial disputes of modern times."

Reaali jums Latvijaa nav par ko suudzeeties.

Opinions are opressive as they are pressing in my brain. Lets just all exist in fluid silence and transcendental ambivalence - a delirious plasma field that existed before there was Word that was good.

Noskatiijos Manosphere. Vienkaarshi shkjiet kaa atbilde feminismam, kas ir atbilde an older manosphere, so basically sievietes un viirieshi striidaas jau tuukstoshiem gadu i guess.

That said, Louijam ir taisniiba, ka manosphere seems to originate from trauma, just as toxic feminism. Un pats jociigaakais ir, ka tie dzheki kas tik ljoti priicho, ka they want to embrace responsibility and be wholesome, dara visas ietas kas nav wholesome or resposible. Unless there is like a conservative manosphere and liberal manoshpere.

Aah, once again - the world is doomed and we have no future.

I've realized that it is not God or Jesus that gets me through dark mind times, it is always people who believe this stuff fervently. So in a sense I am not a follower of Christ but a follower of whatever human speaks most passionately and protectively about god/love.

Ok, can I just leave this here:

Jaunaa skolu guidance UK:

'Schools will want to be flexible in catering for religious differences.'

This includes being aware of the 'sensitivities' that some Muslim parents may have around the 'teaching of aspects of art, dance, drama, music, physical education, religious education and RSHE'.

The publication cites art as an example, stating that Islamic culture and civilisation has 'a rich artistic tradition' - but schools may find there are religious exceptions.

'A three-dimensional imagery of humans is considered idolatrous by some Muslims,' the guidance warns.

'It is very important that the school understands this and is also careful not to ask its students to reproduce images of Jesus, Prophet Mohammed or other figures considered to be prophets in Islam.

'Some Muslim pupils may not wish to draw the human figure.'

'In Islam, music is traditionally limited to the human voice and non-tuneable percussion instruments as in the days of the Prophet, when they were only used in marriage ceremonies and on the battlefield.'

It adds that there is 'a diversity of opinion regarding music amongst Muslims' and schools should 'ensure' students are not asked to join in songs that conflict with their religious beliefs.

For drama lessons, teachers should be mindful not to ask students to play parts that 'may seem to compromise their faith'.

There may also be 'reservations' around 'physical contact between males and females or performing in a manner that might encourage immodesty or sexual feelings'.

Vakar pie S skolas divas daamas, kas izskatiijaas meec Maarshas no Spaced, luudza parakstiities pret Palantir ievieshanas vieteejaa slimniicaa. Saakumaa es neaizdomaajos un vinjas man prasiija vai esmu par to dzirdeejusi. Tad aizdomaajos un atcereejos ka kaut kur paviideejis shis vaards vienaa no maniem Insta amerikas conspiracy accounts. So lai arii es nezinu kas tas iiisti ir, teicu vinjaam, ka noteikti esmu pret visu sho 'stuff' un parakstiijos.

Just as you think that conspiracies is just a killing of time that people like to indulge in online, some little crumble of this crap comes close to your home.

Vai pasaule pieder dievam vai saatanam?

This person:
1)Accepts the loss completely
2)But still somehow believes that with God, the impossible could be restored

Vakar un shodien bija jaabuut +17 un spozhai saulei. Tajaa vietaa 2 dienas jau ir bieza diivaina migla. Pat vakar kad saule mazliet paraadiijaas dienas viduu - caur aukstu miglu. So although it did feel a bit like Jeff Buckley music video, it was weird man. I think - lizard people. Jo galvenais, ka laika zinjas veelaizvien raada ka ir clear skies un saule, which there is 'clearly' not - nekur zinjaas par sho nav pat piemineets.

Ok guys, i think i actually really appreciate Keir Starmer for the first time in my life. Pls stay strong dude and don't give in to swamps of pointless violence.

Shodien atbrauc mamma.

Plusi:

1) Beerni tiek pie elder guidance, gjimenes, socializaacijas, kaada kas par vinjiem sajuusminaas un peerk daavanas.
2) Jaunas veesmas manaa tuuksthosh gadu dziives peleeciibaa.

Miinusi:

1) Esmu man shkjiet zemaakajaa punktaa kaadaa dziivee esmu bijusi pashapzinjas zinjaa, so tagad buus jaakriit veel zemaak, klausoties tajaa cik es esmu inept failure and not a real human being.

Taatad plusu vir vairaak - jaasanjemas un jaaizdziivo.

Man ljoti zheel dziivee, ka vecaaki nav gribeejushi draudziigas attieciibas. Protams, superannny, es apzinos ka vecaaki nav draugi un boundaries and yada, bet es vismaz plaanoju ar saviem beerniem draudziigi runaat par visu liidz vecumdienaam, ja Dievs atljaus.

Instead of being an angst bitch I should be apocalypse prepping really.

Es gribu buut solzhenicins, bet nespeeju tikt paari savai upura mentalitaatei.

Dazhos briizhos es atmostos un redzu, cik daudz labu darbinju vareetu apdariit savaa dziivee, lai kljuutu par omuliigu Birutas tanti, pie kuras visi grib braukt ciemos eest plaatsmaizes ar kafiju. Jo vinja vienkaarshi zina dziives patiesiibas un nekas vinju nesatricina, visi veelas piekljauties vinjas siltajai kruutij un tikt sabuzhinaati un uzfrishinaati dziivei.

Bet es esmu vienkaarshi veesa, glumja zemuudens vobla, kas meegjina pati no sevis izvairiities - kas mani skata vaigaa, riskee ar eksistenciaalu pagrimumu.

"Overall, brain research has shown how the female brain is at work in more sections than the male just about all the time. It is on call in a way the male is not. To use an analogy: the male brain turns on, like a machine, to do its task, then turns off; the female brain is always on. This is an exaggeration, of course, for parts of the male brain are also always on, but when Gur compares the two brains in non-active states, the difference between the constantly “on” female brain and “on/off” male brain is startling. This difference is a primary reason males are so “task-oriented,” testing out as less able than females to do a number of different kinds of tasks at once; and why males react to interruptions in their thinking with more of a sense of invasion than females tend to, and combined with testosterone-based aggression, more forcefully."

Es nespeeju, NESPEEJU noticeet cik ljoti medijiem un valdiibaam pie kaajas ir Epsteina Faili.. Its so depressing and dark every day that nobody gives a fuck.

And its like they are dismissing and downplaying the massive, explicit files, where in a REAL investigation authorities would tend to do the opposite, with even a slightest tiny clue or snippet.

Pat Andrew un Mandelsonu aiztureeja policija un iztirzaa nevis galvenokaart par vinju slutty abuse bet gan par kkaadu valdiibas nosleepumu izpljaapaashanu. Can it be more grotesque - the indifference?

Man vienkaarshi ir ljoti pretiigi no shiis pasaules. I don't really know what am i supposed to tell my kids about the world that has descended in a pit of hell.

Vienkaarshi saliidziniet - kaut vai tie nabagi kurus apcietina uz kaadu gadu par vinju stulbajiem tviitinjiem - kameer apcietinaat perversus vechus par vinju perversajiem e-pastiem, kur vinji klaji atziistas pedofiilijas plaanoshanaa un izpildiishanaa - par to ir "sarzezhgjiiti" aiztureet un apcietinaat? Kaapeec gan? Taapeec ka vinji ir baagaati un kruti, un ikdienas tviterotaaji ir tikai sorry peasants?

Vai kaadam veel vajag pieraadiijumus ka visas valdiibas ir no saatana.

Saap auss, ir mild temperatuura un malaise, dusmojos uz R ka mani nesaprot un uz pasauli, ka man tajaa nav vietas. Varbuut atkal vnk pms hopefully.

Man dazhreiz shkjiet, ka jaa, patiesi - dziive ir ljoti magjiski nosleepumaina un ik uz stuura var atklaaties daargumi un briinumi, kas satricina esiibu un tevi rada arvien jaunu, katapultee arvien jaunos/dziljaakos esiibas plaanos. Tieshi taadi briinumi, kas ir uz pavisam sagliidusha senas, gadiem ilgas peleeciibas fona.

Tikmeer es vaaros savaa sulaa, kur manu praato nomaac mazas, ikdienishkjas banalitaates.

Un manas lielaakaas bailes arvien paliek ka man shie briinumi ir kaa cuukai peerles. Ka ja manaa dziivee ienaak kaads potenciaals briinums, tad es vienkaarshi tajaa neiedziljinos, un peec tam veel nosodu, kaa kaut kaadu apzinjas un manas mietpilsoniibas kaiteekli.

I think and wish about things way much more than doing them - I really don't like myself ever.

Dziive muusdienaas no cilveeka neko neprasa - vienkaarshi seedi internetaa un pasuuti eedienu uz maajaam, kuraas ir visi cilveeces cutting edge luksusi. Ne pirktinja pacelt. Kas tad no taadaam cilveekbuutneem var iznaakt? Bez nekaadas esiibas pieredzes, kur buutu jaanodroshina sava izdziivoshana ar plikaam rokaam.

Ok, mosh man vienkaarshi ir pusmuuzha kriize. Cik ilgi vinja ilgst un vai cilveeki veel jebkad peec pusmuuzha ir dveeselee laimiigi? Vai laime ir vienkaarshi jauniibas iluuzija? Un kas vispaar cilveekiem ir jaadara peec pusmuuzha - vienkaarshi jaagaida naave?

Taa spiidzinoshaa sajuuta, kad tu atsakies noveerst savu praatu no domaashanas par ko mokoshu, jo tas ir tavaa izteelee tik svariigs, ka nedomaat par to ir veel psihaak un mokoshaak. Tas staavoklis, kad tu nespeej iedomaaties savu esiibu no citas - jaunas perspektiivas, kad visticamaak pienaaks, tu to vienkaarshi nekaadi veel neredzi.

Tavs praats smagi viljnjojas shajaa saapju okeaana, ceriibaa, ka kaut kaa kaut kur pagadiisies kaut kas, aiz kaa aizkjerties un izglaabties. Bet tu iipashi necenties, jo shis okeaans ir visa tava miilestiiba uz kaadu tu liidz shim biji speejiigs.

Es Dievam esmu uzrakstiijusi jau tik daudz suudziibas - es juutos kaa vinjsh buutu bloka paarvaldnieks, kam jau zajebis ir manas suudziibas, taapeec vinjsh vienkaarshi vairs neatbild. Protams, es vinjam visu laiku arii pasaku visus paldies par visaam manaam daargajaam lietaam. Bet kaa ar manaam suudziibaam?

Dazhreiz vienkaarshi notiek kaut kas taads, ka tu vairs netici, ka tava sirds jebkad atkopsies. Varbuut taa ir novecoshana - tavs vilshanos meers ir pilns un tagad tikai jaagaida naave kas, saliidzinaajumaa ar sho saapju guuzmu, kas vienmeer sev pakalj jaavelk, shkjiet tik refreshing.

Protams, ka es atceros, ka es vairs savaa dziivee neskaitos, un es arii godpraatiigi cereeju ka mana atmoda un ego naave bija pilniiga. Bet clearly kaut kaadas degradeetas ego druskas veel sheit pieprasa uzmaniibu.

*

Nee bet viss ir labi, viss deg un man viss kaartiiba. Atvainojiet, kameer es te vienkaarshi staigaashu pusaizdegusies, pusaizkauta, asinjojosha. Mans unikaali mokoshais staavoklis ir universaals.

*

Vakar njemot S no skolas biju maajaas aizmirsusi savu telefonu, kuraa man ir nauda. Vinjsh kaa vienmeer peec skolas prasa iet uz veikalu nopirkt kaut ko saldu, un, padzirdeejis ka mamma nav panjeemusi naudu, protams nespeeja nomierinaaties un paarstaat raudaat visu celju liidz maajaam un veel maajaas. Beigaas abi maajaas seedeejaam uz paklaaja, raudaajaam un es vinjam tieshaam no sirds piekritu, ka zinu kaa vinjsh juutaas. Sometimes your soul just really craves, needs something and then you can't have it, and in the moment it feels like the end of your soul.

Ok. I will say it.

Es veelos, kaut chatgpt vareetu sumarizeet manas domas un sniegt man pilniibaa apmierinoshu rezoluuciju.

Labi es zinu, ka tikai absoluuts klusums ir visa autoritaate, bet vai cilveeka vobliigaas smadzenes speej ar to apmierinaaties.

Nee, labi - klusums var buut radikaala izeja, rebellious resolution and ultimate act of love in its purest form. Labi - I can go for that.

*

Atgriezhoties pie chatgpt - arvien biezhaak, man iedomaajas paprasiit tam - ko kaads konkreets veesturisks cilveeks teiktu paar to vai sho. Bet tad es sevi piekjeru pie domas, ka - who cares what jung or kierkegaard thinks, chatgpt speej eloquently sakombineet visu cilveeku praatus in the most concise answer with zero bias (arguably).

Soon poeple will no longer aspire to be like other people - thinkers and philosophers, they will aspire to be like ai, and then one day, they won't have to want it, they will be it.

And there will be no exasperation in the world, just cold facts and reasonable thoughts.

Protams, taa ir absurdi domaat, jo ai tikai atklaaj visaa taa godiibaa lielo nezinaamo klusumu, no kura dzimst neizskaidrojamas kaisliibas, un tik pat savaadi tajaa viss driiz zuud.

Es protams te shauri un vaargi ar sevi sarunaajos, lai integreetu smago klusumu pamiishus un pa maziitinjam.

Katra savaadaa, neizskaidrojamaa pieredze noraada uz konstanti, ka pasaulee nav autoritaashu, ka klusums ir visa atbilde un miilestiiba ir atmodusies apzinja.

Ko dariit, kad domaashana par sasaapeejushu situaaciju shkjiet greeks un nedomaashana par sho situaaciju shkjiet veel lielaaks greeks? Cik daudz dziivee vispaar domaat par lietaam ir logos, un kur ir taa robezha, kad tas paarveershas par narcisistisku apseestiibu kognizeet?

Es vienmeer pa pusei paljaujos, ka Dievs izdomaas kaut kaadu tresho variantu, kas buus perfekatais cietaa rieksta atrisinaajums visaam partijaam. Bet pat taada paljaushanaas arii shkjiet kaut kaadaa meeraa greeks.

Ja jau es esmu taads staigaajoshs greeks, tad kaapeec Dievs mani radiija?

Vai Dievs rada konkreetus cilveekus ar ceriibu, ka vinji buus normaali, bet tad vinji kljuust stulbi?

Ok, es zinu - Dievam vispaar nav nekaadu noluuku, he is just tripping on vibes, and whether a good thing happens or bad, he just wants to turn everyhting into a vibe. He has little concern for feelings during embodiment, as everything on Earth is probably fake.

Anyways, es diezgan meereni nopietni ticu, ka ir dalja manii kas nikni nemuuzham nepiedos shaadu kjeepaashanos ar dveeseli.

Es vairs negribu buut melodramatiska un vaartiities visaadaas deluuziju duumakaas. Kaapeec gan es nevareetu buut taa kaa tie superticiigie by natural law cilveeki, kas vienkaarshi ZINA, ka kaut kur ir esiibas staavoklis, kur visas muusu shaubas un nezinjas un apseestiibas un pazaudeetaas miilestiibas vienkaarshi kljuust par siltu gaismu?

Tad es vareetu vienkaarshi iet pretii cilveekiem un smaidiit, un konkreetu uzlabot vinju dienu, jo vismaz viens cilveeks nav apseests bet gan smaidiigs un vienkaarshs.

Kaada starpiiba kas kuram pieder vai nepieder - vai tad Dieva miilestiiba nav energjijas staavoklis visiem briivi pieejams ik mirkli?

Es to visu zinu, bet es knapi jelko no taa juutu. Varbuut vide mani ir aizindeejusi ciet.

Plika zinaashana ir kaa telefonsaruna vai veel sliktaak - internetsaruna. Divdimensionaals spoks, kas sanervozee praatu bez jebkaadas atslodzes iisteniibaa.

Bet shodien ir labs laiks. Ir ap +10C un neliist, nav veejains, un aiz muuzhiigajiem maakonjiem ir mazliet zilas debesis un saules soliijums. Daba ir paarstaajusi raudaat - vismaz shoriit, vismaz tas ir labi.

Dziives nosleepums ir kluss un nepieluudzams, un nav nekas, ko tu vareetu izdomaat vai izdariit, lai izluugtos patiesiibu.

Vienkaarshi turpini stumt, un lai kas tevii pa celjam saluuztu, tam laikam nevareeja buut iipashas noziimes, ja tas nebija iists.

Es nekad nevareeju iedomaaties, ka man naaksies izlikties par cilveeku pat veel neformaalaakos apstaakljos.

"It'll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields... and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?"

When there is nothing else left for you to do about a situation, you can take those feelings of anguish and use them in a spiritual or aesthetic way maybe. This too shall pass in a windy bleak nothingness of careless universe.

All i ever wanted to do in life is suffer gracefully with a smile - so successfully that people thought that maybe I am simple.

After all - anything that 'I' want is a spiritual mistake. The correct way is always to respond to others' requirements first.

Ok, I love ocassional consciousness of 'I' and the special, magical awareness that it brings - esspecially to look upon people and love them. But sometimes I feel like it is such a horrible - cruel poison.

In advance, I apologise to whatever is God for all my poisonous selfish thoughts and actions - I didn't ask for any of this after all.

Kaapeec dziive nevar likt mani mieraa? Man ir mans parastais stuuriitis, kur es mazgaaju traukus un seezhu ar siera gabalinju. Kaapeec peekshnji uzrodas kaut kaadas transcendentaalaas multidimensiju magic fire buutnes un visu negliiti izgaismo un aptraipo reizee. Es zinu, ka viss mans praats ir perpetual meli un maldugunis, but this has hit hard. Es ceru, ka es kaut kaadu naakamo dienu atkal pamodiishos savaa mieriigajaa voblinjaa un viss buus parasti, un es vareeshu seedeet ar savu siera gabalinju un smieties par parastajiem jokiem, praatam nedegot.

Mani arvien mierina doma par to cik dziive ir iisa. Savam praatam es neuzticos, kaut kaads attaals logos ir varbuut pat iluuzija un zheeliiga cilveeku ceriibinja, ungrounded in reality. You also cannot live like a neat robot, as life always fusses you with magic and unexpected divinities and tragedies, sometimes mixed up in one.

Torment, torment, torment. All i wanted was a brief tedium, but i get torment.

Es veelos dzert viinu un klausiities The National visu sho lietaino, confusing riitu. Bet man jaasagaida Sainsburys delivery, tad jaaliek K guleet, tad jaataisa pusdienas, tad jaaiznjem S no skolas, tad jaakaarto maaja, tad jaataisa vakarinjas, tad jaataisa bedime, varbuut veel jaaspeeleejas, all with a sober, exploded mind.

Un tikko Sainsburys zvaniija un teica, ka neko nevar piegaadaat jo celjsh ir sleegts, which means i don't even have coffee for this morning :')

Juus arii dazhreiz paskatieties uz sevi Ring cameras history, un juus paarnjem irracionaals but ever present naids pret juusu negliito nogurusho seju, kas izskataas tizla un nevienu neiepriecina?

Nevajadzeeja shkjirstiit random insta conspiracy accounts par Epsteina failiem. Humans are much scarier monsters that normal monsters. Also perverse monsters are much scarier than purely gory monsters.

I don't think Earth can ever be heaven on earth, I'm sorry Jesus, it's too late. We need, like, Ellen Ripley or something.

Es atceros, ka kaut kad meegjinaaju lasiit DF Wallace, jo maasas forshais bf, kursh arii bija brainy literary dude par vinju fanoja. Bet viss ko es atceros no taa vinja bezgaliigaa staasta ir kaut kaada aina ar tarakaanu dushaa - literally, nothing else. Un tas man shkjita tik apaatiski patiess moments, ka ar to arii pietika - it's just true, so he is probably right about pretty much everything.

Luteal phase is a demon.
Just proves women come from a dark realm and are secretly bitches or witches.
I dread and mourn getting old, but also welcome the freedom from demon phase.

Vakarnakt redzeeju drausmiigu sapni, kuraa S izleeca no autobusa ar kuru braukaajaam pa sveshas pilseetas centru. Attapaamies tikai paaris mirkljus veelaak un shoferis neaptureeja autobusu veel kaadu minuuti. Tad es totaalaa aklaa panikaa kliedzot S vaardu meegjinaaju vinju atrast, netaceroties pa kurieni autobuss brauca. Beigaas atradaam vinju pilseetas centraa kaut kaadaa burzinjaa ar sliktu kompaaniju un citiem beerniem, kur visi izskatiijaas sazaaljoti un kaut kaa cietushi vai trafficked. Kaapeec manas smadzenes ir tik negantas un briesmiigas! Visu dienu staigaaju kaut kaadaas uncanny bailees, negribeeju S laist uz daarzinju, un nevaru sagaidiit vinju no taa iznjemt un apskaut un muuzhiigi nelaist valjaa un neatdot pasaulei.

As per trendings, must be my lutheal phase arriving with a pomp to torment and destroy my soul.

Vienmeer kad manas smadzenes deemonizeejas, es piesaucu Jungu as per sheer understanding of human pain, un arii Jeezulinju, ja nu vinjsh tomeer kaut kur eksiste un klausaas, un ir izpaliidziigaa omaa.

Omg, Lila Rose is my total spirit animal lady.. Noskatiijos vinjas UCLA debati un es nespeeju noticeet, ka cilveekam var buut tik satriecoshas pacietiibas rezerves. Also, when you invite a drunk moron like frikin' Stephanie to debate at a respectable university, something has gone really wrong with the world, but I guess we already know that. She was literally, like a drunk old pervy yuky dumb comedy patriarchy movie dude at a local pub parroting illogical, cringey nonsense. She was sort of like Trump ironically!

Saaku skatiities Pluribus - it is EXACTLY like talking to Chatgpt.

Visvieglaakais veids uzlabot demograafiju buutu aizliegt kontracepciju un abortus. Is that hate speech maybe? Bet honestly, that would additionally unfuck female minds, jo gan jau ka maaksliigie hormoni speelee savu lomu, plus cilveeki pieietu attieciibaam ar lielaaku reveranci, which would be extra morality points.