silent wings ([info]sw) rakstīja,
@ 2005-10-20 12:16:00
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Entry tags:sleepless

insomnic
That lack of sleep... Oh goodness, it seems to have been there for decades. It is eating me up - slowly, step by step, drop by drop, minute by minute. Seconds smother me and my brain is dizzy. The world has turned into background noise and background pictures where the foreground is nothing. Blankness. Background to blankness.

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[info]crescendo
2005-10-21 09:36 (saite)
You just gave me a déjà vu feeling.

Right now I could swear I remember writing those words myself.
In another diary.
Years ago.

Word by word, sentence by sentence.

I could swear, I was sitting down there, starting up a dictionary to find a word to express the feeling I had. "Smother" I had no idea what ideas does this word carry for a native speaker of the language, but I trusted it to be the correct one.

Impossible.

My memory is playing tricks with me.

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[info]sw
2005-10-21 12:44 (saite)
Those déjà vu things do happen.

Sometimes it becomes so unbearable that I am ready to climb the walls just to find out where I have heard, seen, sensed this or that thing or why the deuce it seems to me that I have done the thing before.

No, it doesn't seem, I am usually DEAD CERTAIN because I somehow remember the feeling - not the thing itself, not the circumstances, but that damn feeling. And maybe some details (exactly the ones that are the least bound to any recognizable realia).

And wanting to go back there (where?!) and dig it out makes me desperate.

Playing tricks, you say? Yes, tricks indeed. :)

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[info]crescendo
2005-10-21 13:10 (saite)
When the details in the memory seem as clean and untampered as they are now... When the description of all the actions is so accurate...

It has never been this wierd.

Yet I know there is no way I could have ever written this text the way I remember.

The dictionary proves i couldn't happen. Not the way I remember it. Not including this little detail, which seems so clear and assuring that everything else must have happened as well.

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[info]sw
2005-10-25 13:34 (saite)
Maybe I caught some wave, the same as you did years ago.

Maybe I incidentally found a place where times and territories overlap, thoughts mingle and one mind plays tricks with another.

Life is full of strange miracles... People like to discuss whether those are miracles or not, and generally the answer depends on individual perception.

Tricks, coincidence, mental wave... miracle... whatever.
Maybe you simply had to read these lines, and as them Buddhists say... :)

Ah well, my never-ending ruminations.

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