Garastāvoklis:

sick

Tequila galore!
"Tequila to the rescue!"

"To the Tequila-mobile!"

Sore throat and throbbing chest pain? A shot of Tequila and it goes away!

Tequila! No prescriptions! No nonsense! No bullshit! Mask your illness with intoxication and an unbearable hangover.

Your Mexican neighbour never looks ill. You ask why? He is always full of Tequila. Are YOU?

"I drank so much Tequila, I forgot I was ill. Marvellous!"

One Tequila, two Tequila. My throat still hurts, but not my soul.

An empty bottle of Tequila also solves respiratory tract infections. Provided, somebody smashes it against your head and you doze through the whole thing.
* minor skull fractures may apply.

Spare co-workers from your bloody cough. Have a Tequilesque day off!

"As a veteran, I regret having raised a generation of cough syrup hogging sissies. Back in the day we chugged a gallon of Tequila and fought each other instead of whining about runny noses and ugly scarves".

If bacteria and viruses have no liver, is it wise to cleanse myself with Tequila?

Do not purchase bottom-shelf cough syrups diluted with cheap ethanol. Buy premium quality Tequilangin and get a free sombrero!
* consult your hepatologist before use.

Introducing Tequila throat spray for KIDS!
* not safe for children.

Do you fear winter? Do you fear bacteria, rhinitis and flu? Is your nose running faster than you do?
Sway away your superstitions - come to the Hispanic Rehabilitation centre and get your Tequila shot right away!
* adverse effects may include lowered overall immunity and increased susceptibility to bacterial infections.

After I swallowed a handful of Paracetamol and washed it down with a jarful of Tequila, I can honestly say I never felt better! What a fantastic week-off, filled with cleansing dialysis and colourful jaundice. Fun, fun, fun!

My doctor told me to abstain from Tequila. Next day I got ill. Damn you, doctor!

I honestly thought it spelled 'Tequila' instead of 'Tylenol' on the prescription.

The pharmacist rejected me. Luckily, the pharmacy was across the street from a Tequila joint.

I woke up next to a drunken Mexican and three empty bottles of Tequila. On the bright side, sore throat is now the least of my problems.

Sometimes I pretend to be ill, just to have an excuse to drink Tequila.

"It is outrageous! Alcoholics Anonymous are discouraging me from medicating myself with of Tequila."

Embracing genuine curative powers of Tequila was the single heart-warming thing that got me through the winter.

In the future, my children might disagree with my methods, but right now, I am so relieved to have put to sleep those coughing bastards, wrapped in a Tequila soaked rags.

At the bottom of a Tequila bottle, I lost my fear of kissing flu victims in public transportation. Police officer Terry, however, disagreed with me and forced me to sober up.

I honestly thought one could get a flu shot at a shady Tequila bar. I mean, it even tasted like medicine!

At least Tequila does not have to go up your ass. Unlike some medication I have been prescribed.

"Tequila! My kind of mouthwash."

Seasonal immunisation is confusing. To avoid confusion I get drunk on Tequila in advance and completely forget about the whole thing.

Doctor told me something about gargling and table salt. I do admit, that it is not the most pleasurable way to get Tequila down the hatch, but I am doing it as prescribed.

Downfall of the USA started with the Mexican Government imposing a Tequila embargo. With cases of infectious diseases skyrocketing, historians concur it was a rather cunning plan.

"What do you mean by 'safe sex'? Soaking it in Tequila is not good enough for you?"

"Trust me, I'm an alcoholic!" an unexpectedly healthy looking, Tequila drinking hobo told me in an alley behind the clinic.

I am no longer confused about 'double blind' trials, ever since I and some person named 'Doctor' blacked out in an alley behind a Tequila bar. Although, I do suspect he really was not a licensed physician.

A dyslexic wondered why Tylenol was in the liquor cabinet. Shortly after, it did not bother him at all.

When I fall ill, I wear a cape and pretend to be a "Tequila man", just like my daddy is.

Tequila throat disinfection and projectile poetry apparently does not count as 'Show and Tell'.

"I tell you doctor, unlike your medication, Tequila does not expire!"

"My son chose a cough syrup over sweet Mexican agave nectar. I HAVE NO SON!"

Waking up three days later, I conceded that Tequila enema was overkill for a runny nose.

Common cold is as common as my Tequila drinking habits.

Tequila does not rhyme with bronchitis. It is enough of a reason for me.

The same freezing wind that brought me an infection blew me into a bitter outdoor Tequila convention. God's will, if you ask me.

Coughing up blood? Peeing red? See your Mexican pharmacist today, as you might have a Tequila deficiency!
* this is an advertisement. Do consult a specialist. 'Mexican pharmacist' is a trademark, not a real doctor. Come back for a shot afterwards.
** Tequila shot. Perform actual immunisation at your local clinic.

"Call me an anti-vaxxer, but I firmly believe my kids are protected by a curative force field of Agave."

I joined the Cult of Tequila for their promise of eternal life. Although, I have aged rapidly due to severe alcoholism, I really have no regrets.

"Waiting in line at the Tequila clinic". Blues. Get it on tape. Now!

Introducing Tequila into the blood stream of the patient, we observed inactivation of viral pathogens in plasma. However, at certain threshold, Tequila also brought patient's blood flow and our careers to a halt.

We concede that correlation between levels of Tequila consumption and patient overall vitality might have been a fluke, cancelled out by following raging hangovers.
However, we strongly condemn our paper being retracted. Our patients did enjoy an unseen, yet short-lived period of bliss and inability to cough, in addition to performing any kind of movement.

I genuinely care for people and I do believe that concept of sharing is beneficial to the society as a whole. Therefore, I always donate blood after a night of heavy drinking in my clandestine Tequila shack.

Although, the fact that Tequila is the solvent of choice in our lab is quite orthodox, I am amazed how quickly I got used to it.

Seven hours into the conference about the innovations in the field of immunology, the event lost its purpose. However, we all agreed, that an open Tequila bar was an outstanding idea.