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Euthanasia Coaster [Sep. 2nd, 2018|05:08 pm] [Tags | nāve, vācelīte ] [ Current Mood | contemplative ] [ Current Music | just reading ] "Julijonas Urbonas, the man who thought up the Euthanasia Coaster, claims it’s engineered to “humanely—with elegance and euphoria—take the life of a human being.” Those 10 Gs create enough centrifugal force on the body so that the blood rushes down instead of up to the brain, which results in something called cerebral hypoxia, and this is what kills you." /Jennifer Niven - All the Bright Places/ [The Euthanasia Coaster doesn’t actually exist. But if it did, it would be a three-minute ride that involves a climb nearly a third of a mile long, up to 1,600 feet, followed by a sheer drop and seven loops. That final descent and series of loops takes sixty seconds, the 10 G centrifugal force results from the 223-mile-per-hour loops] Link Leave a comment

get your crap together [Apr. 15th, 2017|04:27 pm] [Tags | nāve, report, sarunas ] [ Current Mood | indifferent ] [ Current Music | none ] - My darling, just stop, or you'll need help soon enough! - Nonsense, I'm perfectly fine! - Oh, you're, aren't you?! That's why you're isolating yourself, because you're FINE. You ignore phone calls, you have muted all your whatsapp chats and you decline all the invitations to go out. - But,.. - I'm not finished! You've started keeping things from your bff. You rather write a post, then share your troubles with her. You've picked up that habit of talking to yourself again.. even now. And you've spent a whole hour contemplating theoretical death related issues, like - how a suicidal organ donor can ensure for his organs to be harvested soon enough to be viable, whilst not getting saved. - Well, it's not the same as contemplating a suicide, you know. - I know. But it still reminds me of... - It's not the same! Link 1 comment|Leave a comment

[Apr. 12th, 2017|07:46 pm] [Tags | nāve, vācelīte ] Remember, friends, as you pass by, As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so you must be. Prepare yourself to follow me. - 18th CENTURY GRAVE EPITAPH Link 2 comments|Leave a comment

great [Feb. 28th, 2017|06:32 pm] [Tags | atklāsmes, nāve, sarunas ] [ Current Mood | headache ] [ Current Music | radiotev.lv ] - mums biežāk jāfilmē šādi mini video. - kāpēc? - jo ja mēs nomirsim, cilvēkiem būs kā mūs atcerēties. Link Leave a comment

thoughts in a shower [Feb. 5th, 2017|11:06 pm] [Tags | nāve, sarunas ] - ja cilvēcei būtu atlikusi viena diena līdz pasaules galam, ko tu darītu? - pff. nēz, nolektu no augstceltnes, lai velti neizšķērstu savu laiku, what's the point really? Lai ko tu darītu - tam nav jēgas. Spend more time with your family or people you love - pirmkārt nožēlosi, ka nedarīji to agrāk.. un neizbēgamais šķitīs briesmīgāks.. Darīt kko selfish, enjoying yourself.. For what? Vai piedzertos un ļautos bezgalīgām orģijām. Hm, heroīns varētu būt laba ideja.. Or just try to sleep it off, varbūt tomēr prokatit? BET vienmēr esmu gribējusi zināt, ko tu jūti īsi pirms sašķīsti pret betonu? *** - bija tāda filma 'Seeking a Friend for the End of the World'. - kāpēc "bija"? IR - whatever. Link Leave a comment

STOP the Denial [Mar. 21st, 2016|11:21 pm] [Tags | nāve, sarunas ] you, my friend, should have gone to that funeral. Link Leave a comment

stuck [Jan. 4th, 2015|10:46 pm] [Tags | daiļrade, life, nāve, report ] [ Current Mood | stuck ] [ Current Music | Puccini Tosca Act 3 'E lucevan le stelle' ] Biedējoša doma ielavījās viņas prātā un atteicās to pamest: neskatoties uz to, ka viņa bija izķepurojusies no bedres, kuru pati sev izraka, viņas dzīve tikai tīri fiziski un materiāli kustējās uz priekšu. mentāli viņa bija iesprūdusi četrus gadus vecās atmiņās, viņa joprojām lasīja to pašu grāmatu un klausījās tās pašas dziesmas, kas, viņasprāt, izglāba viņas dzīvību. Un joprojām, klausoties Blue October "Quiet Mind", viņas sirdī radās tīri fiziska sāpe par visu, ko šī dziesma viņai nozīmē.. un GWTW izraisīja viņā vairāk emociju nekā vesels mācību semestris. Viņai likās, ka šīs lietas atvēra viņas aizbruņoto, iesaldēto dvēseli un pieskārās visjutīgākajiem audiem. Un viņa ieslīga mierpilnā eskeipisma jūrā, bet varbūt iestiga mentālā stagnācijā, kas neļāva viņai virzīties uz priekšu... ???? It kinda worried her, that other people moved on with their lives.. lived their lives - got married, had children, got second education or their masters degree, had random sex, held their own personal exhibitions in galleries, beat cancer.. one of her classmates had actually died [not that was something she wanted to do at this point in her life].. She had to face it - she was stuck! Link Leave a comment

've been thinking [Nov. 5th, 2013|02:19 am] [Tags | nāve ] ja es nomirtu, es laikam negribētu, lai mans kurss nāktu uz manām bērēm.. vai mana klase.. apart from the immediate family, tās būtu jūs abas, Ance un Ko.. nu vēl A un J.. nu vēl kādi 4 - 6 cilvēki varētu atnākt.. no busses to be hired for me.. Link Leave a comment

dzīve ir līdz viņa nav [Nov. 5th, 2013|12:26 am] [Tags | nāve, report, zīmes ] [ Current Mood | sad+weird+emotionless ] [ Current Music | avicii - hey brother ] trīs nedēļas - trīs nāves.. ja tās ir zīmes vai kāds brīdinājums.. vai es nezinu kas no kkādas augšas or whatever, tad tas galīgi nav a cheerful one. Link Leave a comment

just another dream [Jul. 26th, 2013|11:17 am] [Tags | dream-diary, nāve, sapņi, suņi, vīrieši ] [ Current Mood | awake ] [ Current Music | no music ] He goes from Josh Radnor to Daniel Craig.. to some guy without a face.. to Elmārs.. anyway - he's my friend. You know - one of those guy friends you keep checking up on. it's an art fest. There are loads of people. So there are loads of art'ish people who make art - paint, draw, film, make photos, clothes.. And there was that big wall - were everyone could leave his art-mark, in the basis of which was a pattern created by pressing painted celebrity clothes to the wall.. [well that was totally cray everyone went AWOL.. putting out their emotions]. My friend - he's a technician.. There is a big screen near the wall. And he puts people's movies and just art-house and indie films on.. And his technical place is hidden inside a hill.. like a cave. [ I have no idea what these guys living in caves mean.. but they keep appearing and hugging me ] And I gave him a tape me and my friend Laimdota filmed some 10 years ago.. And I watch it lying on the ground with many over people who are as highly motivated to do nothing as I am. He wanted to watch it with me, he even promised.. but his girlfriend came [by the way she looked like Fefe Dobson] and they are in the cave.. There's one moment vivid from the movie, it's where Laimdota and some other people are laughing and climbing a somewhat Scottish looking landscape against a strong wind, but the day is really sunny.. so her golden hair is drawing beautiful patters in the air.. almost like water flowing or fire flickering. There's a voice behind me: - Hey, Lime, isn't that you - Pshh, of course not.. I don't turn, I know without turning its her, and I can feel her looking for me in the crowd.. The focus goes closer on the hair.. until it's all we can see.. and it ends.. I go into the cave, knock on the door, am asked to wait.. then he let's me in - somewhat embarrassingly smiling. I say: - You didn't see the half of it.. - You know me too well. We tried, but then got preoccupied.. He gives me the tape and walks me out. We walk, talk.. he keeps his arm on my back.. kinda very protectively. Then we stop - he hugs me really tight and says: - Keep safe. If anything happens - call. Promise? - Promise. [ te es laikam aizmigu ciešāk, jo neko neatceros, but the next thing I know: ] We are on some kind of a ship.. He, his girlfriend, his jack russell terrier and me.. We are sort of running from someone.. We are joined by his friend [a Brad Pitt kinda looking guy]. then everything is in somewhat coloristic blur.. there's a lot of crimson or scarlet paint strokes everywhere. then there's a white silk sheet fluttering in the wind.. and she dies [his girlfriend].. some crazy people - they just kill her. Then there's a smell of wood going into shambles and a lot of pointy sharp splinters all around us. He suddenly says - It's you!! How could you! - and runs after Brad Pitt.. And I sit there on the floor when his dog starts convulsing, and craning it's neck in weird angles.. and then pukes on the floor. He's kind crowling in circles and puking.. then nothing comes out, he just making the puking movements and crawling in circles.. And I sit there and know - he has been poisoned or even infected with some kind of mutated Listeria.. And there's nothing I can do.. and the only thought I have is - Thank God, HE doesn't have to see that. [ un tad es pamostos, un saprotu, ka tas tas bija mans suns.. not in the dream.. but in real life. un shudder un hug Gordon closer to me and ask him: 'Gorģik, u tebja že vse v porjadke?! Vse horošo?' and kiss him.. ] ***** Pēdējā laikā visu laiku sapņoju par kaķiem visos iespējamos veidos un pat Ināru Kaķīti, kura mani atpazina.. Un mamma kept telling me - ka tas nav labi, jo kaķi sapņos ir uz nodevību. You could say they came true a little [īpaši tāpēc, ka most of them bija kaķēni.. nodevība arī nebija liela].. Bet suns sapnī - tas ir labi, tas ir draugs.. a helping hand.. someone you trust.. bet mirstošs suns? if not a friend - then friendship duying.. nu pieņemsim, ka visa sapņu tulkošana ir bullšits. besides - tas viss ir viens liels mumble-jumble.. Es gan varu izskaidrot, ko tur dara Radnors -> Ance vakar teica, ka noskatījās "happythankyoumoreplease".. Breds Pits - pirms gulētiešanas tētis mani pasauca iečekot viņa deju iekš 'Burn after Reading', kas gāja pa TV. Fefe Dobson - ir no Listenera sērijas. Kuģis - probably ir saistīts ar regati. Un pat Scottish landscape varētu būt saistīts ar McGregore velo, moto un suņa bilžu skatīšanos vai Passenger klausīšanos.. bet viss pārējais.. un it īpaši čaļi alās.. ir a mystery to me. Dying Gordon - is kinda worrying, bet after all - I've seen my brother's skin being taken off from him, and nothing bad happen after that dream. Galvenais jau ir izstāstīt savus sapņus - tad viņi vsp nepiepildās.. Link Leave a comment

i saw a ghost. i was a ghost. [Nov. 23rd, 2012|11:25 am] [Tags | dream-diary, nāve, report, sapņi ] [ Current Mood | still ill ] [ Current Music | TEB atkārtojums sievietēm ] neskatoties uz to, ka ir redzēts gan sixth sense, gan the others, gan daudz citas analoģiskas filmas, man tomēr līdz pašām sapņa beigām nepieleca, kāpēc tie visi cilvēki mani neredz.. laikam jau tāpēc, ka tie bija visi mājinieki and nobody wants to believe all your family dead.. un gordonam es vnk piedēvēju paranormālas spējas, kā jau sunim. bet tad it all came to me in flashes, kā jau filmās klasiski notiek - all the signs to prove them dead. un it was in b&w.. tā kā sapnis ar specefektiem.. Link Leave a comment

Good morning folks! [Nov. 10th, 2012|02:48 am] [Tags | nāve, report, sapņi ] [ Current Mood | back to sleep ] [ Current Music | u2 - sometimes you can't make it on your own ] Just had another of those dying dreams again. Nezinu, būtu bišku māņticīgāka, sāktu uztraukties. īpaši ņemot vērā, ka apm. pussekunde šķīra mani no collision with an at least 60 km/h going car un man pat nebija austiņas. Īstenībā es pat nesapratu, kas notika and moved on. un tikai like 15 minutes later, man palika weird.. one more step and.. apziņa, ka death is permanent. Un visos no šiem sapņiem es kinda zinu laicīgi, that my days are numbered.. un visos gadījumos es reaģēju vienādi -> I laugh, un visās reizēs tas notiek tuvāko 4 gadu laikā, before I get children, kas vnm ir the only thing I regret before dying. fun. _____________________ I believe in childhood. I believe it matters. Link Leave a comment

schooling system sucks [Jul. 13th, 2012|09:32 pm] [Tags | nāve, report, vīrieši ] [ Current Mood | sad ] [ Current Music | a clash of kings [ab] ] They put psychology on our schedule, but they never really teach it. What they taught was more about my life as a student, about fighting laziness, planning time, something about my personality.. but what should have taken a point of - was death.. Some said that all we'll have to do is to euthanize more than save lives, but I was alright with euthanasia, because it's stopping the suffering of the poor animal. But I really never thought of the owners. Oh, dear God. There was a woman, who came with her 20 year old cat, looking thin as a fiddle [well worse - skeleton in a skin sack and its intestines just hanging under the skin..] She was ready, well almost, as ready as they get, and she cried.. and I thought I would cry too, but I held it. Today there was a man, whose dog's liver is failing, there's fluid in the abdomen cavity, it's hard for him to breathe, because of the pressure the diaphragm makes on the enlarged liver. And the doctor said he has 50:50 chance, but still she introduced the subject of putting him to sleep, gently, not as a suggestion, but as an anti-suggestion [like -> he asked: is there a point in fighting? and she said: well, you wouldn't put him down now, would you? [or something like that]], but still it was there in the open, spoken out loud. And that 50-something year old man so buoyant and strong yesterday, that man cried, he sobbed, he tried to hide it, he went out on the street now and again, he was ashamed.. And that hurt me to watch.. Because this dog has been his friend for the last 12 years.. his family, him being divorced and having no children. I felt so incredibly sorry for the human, but there being no possible intimacy between us there was nothing I knew to say. no way to reassure him.. And his belief was fading on our eyes, and I believe it's important to believe in the best, because believing in the worst won't do you any good anyway, but believing in the good might make it ok. Well if the dog lives through the night, there still is the 5 day period for liver get back on track.. after that.. Well - my point still is - they should teach you about death.. and why, oh why are people so afraid to talk of it??!! p.s. besides I have problem with men crying, it makes me feel so powerless and painful and sad.. Link 1 comment|Leave a comment

Ja kāds izlasīs šo murgu līdz galam... [Jun. 27th, 2012|02:25 pm] [Tags | dream-diary, nāve, sapņi, vīrieši ] [ Current Mood | slight headache ] [ Current Music | birdsongs [again] ] Viss sākās ar to, ka McGregors brida pa zili baltajiem sniegiem oranžu laternu gaismā, tērpies klasiskā Šerloka Holmsa outfitā, viņš meklēja Cūkkārpu [don't ask - I just know - you always know what people think in dreams], kuru arī viņaprāt atrod un ieiet Cūkkārpas mežu teritorijā caur Ogres estrādes ieeju, tikai, saprotams, sniegainu, and that it is the last we see of him in this dream, jo mēs pārceļamies uz pili.. Es esmu mirusi un mans gars revisits the sites of 6th HP, which I must like, because it's my 4th time here.. izņemot pašu pili tur gan nekas potterīgs vairs nav. Toties te ir Jūlija un Arianna, kas uztraucas par manu lack of interest in my personal life un my weird homy hobbies. [but I'm dead so what do I care about my personal life].. un miljons citu cilvēku, bet viņi mani neredz, jo mirušos redz tikai tie, kas vinus redzējuši dzīvē, that's the rule. Attiecībā uz citiem, it's like being in a pensive. Bet neatkarīgi no tā, vai cilvēki mani redz vai nē, viņi katru reizi dara precīzi vienu un to pašu.. un es uzjautāju Jūlijai, vai viņai nav baigā deja'vu sajūta, bet no there isn't.. Then I meet another stuck soul wandering the halls, tikai vēl nesaprotu, ka he's dead too, vnk domāju, ka šis tiešām nav redzēts, bet sees me. While I ponder over this, two babies fall down the stairs [turklat viņi ir Siāmas dvīņi], and a girl yells at this guy: "Go catch them!" But he just stands there with the saddest expression I have ever seen un viņa aizskrien pati.. un kad jau ir uznesusi augšā ierauga lejā kkādu mantiņu mētājamies un grib aiziet pakaļ, so tells the guy: "Can you at least hold them!" Viņš žēlīgi skatās viņai tieši acīs un says: "No I can't! I'm dead! I can't hold anything in your world anymore!" un izbāž roku cauri mazuļiem.. [Te man pieliec, ka viņš arī ir gars un es sāku domāt, vai viņš bieži nāk skatīties kā bērni krīt un vai vnm saka meitenei, ka ir miris..] She tries to touch him un jumps away in fright, when feels no impact, I feel tears running down my cheeks, when suddenly he turns with pain on his face to go away, because he can't stand this anymore, and stops when meets my eyes staring. Un man liekas, ka esmu pieķerta zogot kko verī personal. Tā mēs stāvam, skatoties viens uz otru, līdz es izdzirdu a wizard/healer saying: 'These Tully children are tough!' Šī Game of Thrones atsauce mani atmodināja no stupora un I ran away, but he followed. 'Wait!' I was well ahead, but stopped when saw two non-identical twins plotting their mischief for the 4th time, this time I decided to teach them a lesson, un told so to my follower, who agreed to help. And we kinda sabojājām visu viņu plānu, so before they fled they shouted: "Jūs pat iedomāties nevarat, ko mēs tagad pasauksim!" Bet kkādā dīvainā kārtā es uzreiz iedomājos vienu kačaku no ĀĢ Māra S. klases un zināju, ka viņš ir īstais, told my guy.. un mēs iegājām kkādā auditorijā, kur šis izdomāja tēlot, ka ir skolotājs, tāpēc skolotāja tēloja, ka atbild kko, kad ielauzās vesels bars ĀĢ cilvēku. Un viss būtu OK, ja pēkšņi neiebrauktu viena velosipēdiste apspīlētā velo tērpā ar sexy body and face of a goddess un nepateiktu: "Skolotāj, milzīgs paldies Jums par visu!!" apskaujot īsto skolotāju. Es domāju - надо делать ноги - kad dzirdēju, kā vienlaicīgi skolotāja teica: "Nu ko tu, Liāna!" un my guy's brain saying slowly: "Lyanna!" Es paskatījos uz viņu un he was in shock unable to move, tad Liāna piegāja pie viņa un teica: "You kept your promise.." un man pēkšņi bija revelation - "džī, that must be young Ned Stark!!" [and that was the last we saw of him] Tad Liāna pienāca pie manis un teica, ka jāiet svinēt mācību beigas!! un mēs gājām ārā, kur nekūstošā ledus vannā bija metrīgas šampja pudeles. Kamēr es ledus vannā meklēju kkādu konkrētu šampi, pie mums pienāca Marks Sloans, kurš it kā bija mans sporta skolotājs/pasniedzējs [not sure how old was I un kur es tur mācījos.. vsp jau I was dead. Does that mean, ka viņš was dead too? Lyanna was definitely dead. Viņš tak nedrīkst nomirt!!] un arī mani apsveica.. I was like 'Oh thank you so much' an apskāvu viņu un was like 'OMG! I'm hugging Mark Sloan!' Kad es viņu beidzot palaidu vaļā, viņš teica, ka būtu forši, ja es viņam atdotu naudu, jo citādi viņš mani vairs nekad neredzēs.. I had no money on me so we made some jokes about him finding me.. and I went away with Gordon, who was suddenly there.. Mark shouted something after us, I turned and shouted back: "Если я дам Вам денег - это взятка, а если Вы мне - это доброе дело!" He laughed, made a face and threw a ball at me. What an impressive throw it was! Sapnis beidzās ar to, ka Gordons noķēra to bumbiņu.. Pamodos ar domu - Aww, Mark Sloan hugged me! :D un tad atcerējos visu pārējo murgu.. Link Leave a comment

maybe coming home was bad idea [Jun. 13th, 2012|09:27 pm] [Tags | nāve, report ] [ Current Mood | sad ] [ Current Music | the voice uk - s01e07 ] My rat is dying.. and slowly. And I hate it.. I hate that there's nothing I can do. NOTHING!! Link Leave a comment

in my dream.. [Jun. 10th, 2012|12:34 pm] [Tags | dream-diary, kino, nāve, sapņi, vīrieši ] [ Current Mood | determined to learn ] [ Current Music | radio LOL ] ... which was something like a dream within a dream, but when i woke up the first time [a.k.a. was still sleeping in my first dream] i wasn't sure if I dreamt it or knew it. well anyway - in one of those dreams a crazy guy killed di Caprio [what he read to know he had to do that - I have no idea..].. It was quick - a knife straight to the heart.. in and out.. and it was really sad, him being that really good guy, caring about the enviroment and all that green-life stuff, and being a brilliantly genius actor.. not being married and having no children. Simply sad. [I remember seeing Scorsese so devastated.. and not because of the Wolf..] pluss -> then there were no more movies with him to come. [and so far I'm not a fan of Django.. so for me there would be only Gatsby] and the night before that Mark Sloan died, his head in my lap. good guys just keep dying in my dreams.. Link Leave a comment

wishes [May. 6th, 2012|06:55 pm] [Tags | nāve, smadzeņu atkritumi ] ļoti gribas uzgleznot kapsētu pavasara rītā.. Link 1 comment|Leave a comment

citāds pasaules gals [Jan. 12th, 2012|03:12 am] [Tags | kino, nāve, report, sarunas, vīrieši ] [ Current Mood | shocked ] [ Current Music | titru mūzika ] - tā bija briesmīga, briesmīga filma. - surprise, surprise - mcgregors lika man raudāt 2 reizes. un filmas beigas vnk mani nogalināja. tāda ļoti dīvaina sajūta jebkurā gadījumā. Link 2 comments|Leave a comment

another novērojums [Nov. 20th, 2011|01:07 am] [Tags | love, nāve, pic, smadzeņu atkritumi, vācelīte ] [ Current Mood | jāiet gulēt ] [ Current Music | jane eyre [ab] ] I've been to preoccupied with life to think about death. all these death connected movies sort of bring me back to that subject, but i can't really get into it. and it's hard to imagine that not that long ago it was the sole subject of my inner reflections. if before all i wanted in life was for it to end as soon as possible, then now i'm afraid it will end too soon, because there's so much for me to do.. p.s. and i really want to fall in el-ou-vī-ī.. Link Leave a comment

nāve pēc nāves [Oct. 26th, 2011|12:31 am] [Tags | nāve, report, school, smadzeņu atkritumi ] [ Current Mood | ingverizējusies ] [ Current Music | vecais labais frenks.. sagribējās ] šodien es uzzināju, kā izskatās paradīze.. un, draugi, ticiet man, jūs negribat tur nonākt.. kā jau te visi liek bildes un video [i mean draugos un sejasgrāmatā] - šodien tiešām bija migla.. no tilta pat pili nevarēja redzēt. un no pils logiem nevarēja redzēt neko - ne parking platz, ne Lielupi, ne otru pils spārnu.. un sajūta bija kā debesīs - viss balts.. kā balti mākonīši.. un tad es sapratu, ka paradīze izskatās tieši tā: auditorija, kas planē debesīs, morozovs un organiskā ķīmija.. nāis perspective. Link Leave a comment

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