A song for Cole Porter, Frederick Seidel
"I for years was unable to decide,
Tits or ass? And don't forget legs.
Which one do you think is best?"



The tennis ball is in the air to be struck. Thwock.
The dove is in the air to be shot. Bam.
The fuzz will come off the white, off-white.
You always leave me.
Soft is whack.

It's completely a sign of age
That suddenly I have breasts.
Mine are as big as my girlfriend's.
Yes, hers are small.
I have so many girlfriends.

It's endocrinal. It's disgusting. It's de-lovely.
She always says, "You always leave me."
True, me and my breasts leave town.
I have so many girlfriends.
But one's the one.

I for years was unable to decide,
Tits or ass? And don't forget legs.
Which one do you think is best?
My choice would vary. Who would you choose?
It was all too good to be true! Then came you!

Everyone's a sexual object.
Everyone is something to use.
Everything is something good.
I'm her vibrator-but believe me,
Everyone is something unphysical also.

I'm so cool-I'm so hot!
I make her oink when we fuck.
Me and my breasts, we're leaving town.
We're going to Montana to throw the houlihan.
Ride around, little dogies, ride around them slow.

For everyone's a sexual object.
Everyone is something to use.
Everyone is something good.
I oink when I fuck but have feelings and wings.
Pigs can fly.