> The pandemic is far from over, and with an anti-vax rapist on the loose the numbers will only continue to rise.

> I know the likelihood of Russell Brand raping me is extremely low, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I have a butt-plug lodged firmly up my arsehole at all times, and I never leave the house anymore in case I run into him. Is there a jab I can take to protect me from him? I don't want to end up with Long Brand.