world, oh joy & rapture, when shall you stop studying? sleeping?
my little mind-witch dances tonight because she likes the fact i refuse to study.. i have an ancient history exam tomorrow, i haven't really done any work all year so i don't know anything and still i refuse to study. i'll sleep soon and awake an hour before the exam, and spend that time washing my hair. *yawn* i wish i could do something amazing instead of the exam. exams mean nothing to a person who not only knows she is smart, but who knows that exams do not test intelligence, but one's ability to retain information, only for it be to lost at once through sheer brain exhaustion after the exam is over. i want nothing to do with any such 'intelligence'. i'll stick to reading, i'll stick to writing my own book, not studying for a grade which won't help me in any manner imagineable. I wanted to punch myself in the face when I started feeling compulsively nervous before my first exam, but then i just wanted to punch everybody - i hate the way we have all been conditioned. why can't an exam, why can't learning be a pleasant experience? it's not something to be feared. and learning in itself should be something to revel in, rather than it being a pathway to a 'high score'. i find it very prosaic & wrong & it makes me physically sick. and that is why i refuse to study, when i could be enjoying myself, and finishing the book of laughter & forgetting by milan kundera. and i will laugh, & forget. you just see if i don't.the mind-witch likes the look of my arm slivers, oh yes indeedy. she likes them being there, and not because they hurt but because they're temporary, & therefore very novel. the scars will fade away and the shape of the embryonic & beautiful word "M I L K" will slowly vanish, only to be seen on icy days when my skin turns purple and my scars purpler.