Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in olcha17's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
5:47 pm	brisbane is worth it for the frangipanis i block & forget, toforget i forgoti remember to forget what i forgot.(milla can be so batty sometimes)has everybody heard of that rather eccentric man from some dinky town in the u.s. (stanley marsh 3).. ? he had all these strange plans for his town, to bring more colour, etc. and his newest project is continuous rainbows! he proposes to erect a series of structures at least fifty feet high, which he describes as "giant hula hoops on a stem with water running through them." clouds of mist will then refract the sunlight during the day and strobe lights at night, creating strange rainbow clouds. all the time.i would like a black rainbow please. seems sad they have every colour but. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 5th, 2010
3:58 pm	bonne anniversaire why is it that the parfum entitled "youth dew" makes you smell like anything but? it is a granny product! & not mad granny! but regular granny! the strange ones who freeze all their food and like pudding and prunes. they smell like youth dew. the youth do not smell like youth dew. estée lauder has lost my respect.i have added a smattering of new lj-ers. no doubt they'll all be deleted before tuesday. hey! everybody tell me who is a lovely lj-er. that i will like as much as andme & maya & reigh & drella.because it takes so long to find them all. & i do want them{for future pocketry}.and might i take this moment to sing some song for my ribbonish old friend lucy. it is birthday cake by cibo matto!:SHUT UP AND EAT!TOO BAD NO BON APPTIT!SHUT UP AND EAT!YOU KNOW MY LOVE IS SWEET!!yes, i'm cooking for my son and his wifeit's his 30th birthdaypour berries into a bowladd milk of two months ago"it's moldy . . . mom, isn't it?"i don't give a flying fuck thoughit's food nouveauit's the shape of lovebeat it! beat it up!extra sugar extra salt extra oil and MSG!extra sugar extra salt extra oil and MSG!!! (Comment on this)
Monday, January 4th, 2010
12:18 pm	rinzen.com i love & buy i slipped over yesterday, orunder{into some madness}sort of like a puddle{did you know that noir mermaids are always drowning?}so i got that feeling where you have to GETUP, move-or-die, make-something-or-break-something, idid both.broke my wristsstamped the razor slits on the pages,the artsy little trashes.and then bettie & i wore trés european ladie dresses,she with large red flowersme with strawberries{my new favourite colours to wear are french-bleu & rouge. and ivoire!}flag me down.& we stalked the clothing stores & pencilled down their nice corsetry ideas, their lovely ruffle designs {for our upcoming betty&pony collection}, and criticised the ugly things. & a lovely dirty lady on the gutter with tarot cards asked for a dollar, to read our fortunes. i made a motion towards one section of the cards, bettie selected one. it was the lovers, which is practically the happiest card to get, most luckie. & then the lady asked me to choose one. i scrambled, & i held out my unbandaged arm, shock-red, to take a card {i never think anyone will notice though,i think they might}and what card did i pull?the fucking hanged man.how fucking prodigious. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 3rd, 2010
8:49 am	how teaparty! remember 100s & 1000s? instead of sticking them on cupcakes or making faery bread, liz kelsh sprinkled them over long fake white nails for the tsubi show. they looked fantastic and solid.vogue!! faery bread fingernails! perhaps the colour/meteorite/dust of these things can spread from my claws to my eyes,leaving me a little bit kissed.we'll see how the makeup artisian performs.& i shall not wear it until i sew the perfect outfit.little girl.any ideas, yesno?p.s. i found the sprinkles! (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 2nd, 2010
6:55 am	growls@ p.s. and mordicai & i even had a fight! he is my enemy!& i pretend to hate him but deep down i think i love him (Comment on this)
Friday, January 1st, 2010
6:07 am	a song on why we are allowed to be pretentious pizzicato five is so loony! they're so self-assured, so utterly convinced that their sillie j-pop is such style. they're all about parasols, beauty parlours, lace gloves. bond-style white catsuits. you know. & they're utterly frivolous! just like cibo matto in that respect. singing about silly things like kittens & sugar water. so peppy & drag-queenish. retro narcissism. so cheerfully nihilistic. like that band cinnamon! kinda unheard of. {"the cardigans for smart people"}the closest thing in our countries is our little girl tori.isn't tori such a sillie girl!i mean, mr zebra?! wearing a sweater!i swear she is so fantasy.almost like reigh.inow, you think i am a nasty bit of goods, i guess. you think i am capricious, cheeky, willful, luxurious, affected, lying, dubious and random. but i am allowed. because i am cute." "because i am cute"! bettie always uses that excuse now! it works! (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 31st, 2009
4:17 am	shiny new friends! for shame,nobody made me a mixtape!one lovely girlie did, but it was not especially for me.eeeiieeieieeiei! cass! is my brand new friend who lives in {you'll never believe me} melbourne! of all my favourite places, & i am sending her sour peach hearts! & refraining from stalking her but only because i want her to send me lollies too.we are brothers, and you are jealous.we have so many sames!i..hurt myself today..to see if i could feel, i..focused on the pain..the only thing that's realblah blah blah. nice one, trentsometimes i think trent is so cuntishi love to hate himanyway, the truth of the matter is that today i shaved myself a little too deeply, & by that i mean i took my girlie aqua razor to my wrists & pressed down. singing a tiny song about how much it stung. i am such a little girl.& it was all for the purposes of art, of course!for i am not some sort of self-mutilator, mon amie :)you know it.michael tells me i should respect my stalkers,i.e. himi truly wish he'd leave me be. & he has mainly, and thats another problem.he claims to be "in love". yet, what has he done?throughout our friendship's reign i was always the actionman. always called, wrote loveletters, etc. etc.but him?there were no attempts for contact! no vending machine rings! no songs!and he is a musician.so what is he good for!noootttthhhhhinggg.and if he was at all intelligent. he'd quit this daffy talk about how,i made him neurotic,he needs me,he'll never leave me alone& he "knows" i'll go back & be his friend.& just be a normal, non-swampy guycause thats what he is, swampy.too swathed in negativity, moroseness, self-consciousnesshe has no idea how to have fun.& that is just something i cannot respect.plus, he imagines he is better than he is.& not in that quirky lovely girlie loony mad granny way like pizzicato five & betty & ihe just doesnt get away with it.because he is a boy.i am somewhat femininist in my sensibilities. not because i hate men.au contraire.but because, i think it is a sorry thing to be a boy! i just like being a girl so much!but i do love my boys,but mostly they should be more feminine.im not trying to turn us into a race of women. more like, androgyny, yes.because as a girl i can dress & act like a boy & girl. switch,mix 'n' matchbut boys cant do the same without being "gay" or trannies or placebo fans.they should all line their eyes in smoky black if they please!and air kiss us hello,& stop watching the goddamn football.appreciate the aesthetics. the culinary delights.listen to the musique, rather than the screams, the australian meat-pie voices & grunts.which boys can we convert?p.s. i think maya's brother gabriel is such a darling! baiser de baiser.{i hear that means kisskiss}{i also hear it means sexing. haha}{oops} (Comment on this)
1:44 am	unask the question. honeycombwet airsmelling like showersfizzgluebeing ignored (but wasn't he the one who threw the knife)writing 3850 words today50 000 to goor sopeople are asking me to confess, but(mu) (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 29th, 2009
9:52 pm	yellow-lemons floating in my head a question for whoever:which of these sentiments do you most agree with?when life gives you lemons make lemonade.when life gives you lemons, just shut up and eat your damn lemons.when life gives you lemons, ask for tequila to go with them.when life gives you lemons, grab it by the fucking throat and demand better.when life gives you lemons, suck on them. seriously, lemons taste awesome. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
7:33 pm	resolve tami says about the fact that i am a scribble (see earlier posts):"no, no, not a scribble. you're the crystal kristal. perhaps you are a circle. but not the space in the circle. the line of the circle. maybe you're biting your tail!" (Comment on this)
Monday, January 26th, 2009
2:00 pm	smatter sunny death; feverish kites; dull bubble; confetti dribble; loopy plate; silly knee; boulevard steam; acid squabble; zoloft & air; tricky ankle; doll sleepy; time tinkles; slither. thigh.; delirious pout; sexual cringe; little demon novel; cubic utopia; crueler shapes; night time in a cup; (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 24th, 2009
8:16 am	books, apples, & ghost queens i have started reading brave new world by huxley & it's the loveliest thing. pneumatic, pretty boys & girls who all look the same. they all date each other, to be monogamous is abnormal. 'everybody belongs to everyone else.' genevieve with sleepy eyes & coy hands came over and gave me a fat red apple for my birthday. she sat a milky green marble on the top. it was the most charming gift i could think of. fruit. edenic. naive yet apparently sinful. i've always said that i will relish apples like treasure.. adam sacrificed eternity for that thing. she's precocious / and she knows just what it takes to make a pro blush / she's got greta garbo's standard size, she's got / bette davis eyes.</br>i don't even know what bette davis's eyes look like. cate blanchett however.. that ghostly gorgeous thing with perfect cheekbones & probably a PhD. she should be a queen; she seems like a queen. she reminds me of jfk jr.'s wife, before they died. (carolyn bisette?) she married the most hideous little man, which is just something betty would do. she has such a flickering face. (Comment on this)
Friday, January 23rd, 2009
6:19 am	i disbelieve in therapy, but it makes for some good times. waved goodbye to who i call help me rhonda today (literally 'help me', she's my therapist) because i guess i won't be back in this gardeny, dappley, but gossipy town for the summer. i now need a city psychiatrist. rhonda & i drew diagrams. she drew a perfect diamond and on each side she labelled facets of her personality, her self. i drew a disjointed shape with thousands of "facets" and explained that each opposing side was so extreme that it cancelled the other out, thus rendering them both non-existent, and so i scribbled the entire diagram out and deduced that this is what i was: a scribble. she said that it was more assuring to see me laugh this time; i mentioned how much i laugh generally. there are those who think upon first meeting that i am an airhead, hardly mensa material. "perhaps I know why it is man alone who laughs: he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter."- nietzscheshe told me I must do one pleasurable thing a day & one achievement thing a day. and that i must make lists. lists are glorious.</p>pleasurable musique:+use me - bill withers+playground love - air+sweet dreams - marilyn manson+honolulu, calcutta - fantastic plastic machine+george's answering machine (seinfeld) pleasurable films:+happiness (hmmm, "pleasurable")+go+that foreign film, 'red' pleasurable foods:+juicy sexy mango+salads & lattes+perhaps a lollipopachievement things:+a few hour's work on the novel+getting my mother to take me to the sea for lunch+staying awake (i am sleepy)+making michael take me on a road trip (this is easy, he is in love with me)+reading a french magazine+'planning for the future' (how drab; on therapist's terms, but betty & i imagine all sorts of fancies about our studio in february.. rice paper, jazz, sofae, and one of those dazzling screens which models get dressed behind. you know the ones.+drinking three litres of evian water"evian is naive spelt backwards."- reality bites (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 22nd, 2009
2:13 am	how dreamy i had the most mindfucking dream; i was the happiest girl who ever lived in nyc. for whatever reason, mother moved us all there & we had this molto cute apartment. there were lots of lustreless silver objects, like beams & my television. glass things hung from my ceiling. out my bedroom window i remember a little kinda messy garden with soft unmowed grass. it lay by a back street & i think there may have been a swing; how romantic. the apartment was very high in the air.. i walked into my ensuite bathroom & found it had once been like this big commune thing, built for many people. walking through there, i found a large dining hall.. lots of polished floorboards, no people around. it was all very empty & ghostly. there was then a huge open antechamber & then this room with soo many tables with sewing machines on them, cobwebs in some places. i walked outside and the terrace curved into a ship! and at the front of the ship, the 'point', you look below and there is the huuuuge love heart swimming pool i know from familiar dreams. but this time there were also pop arty ice cream things in there too (like part of the pool, made from the same fibreglass or whatever). they smelled like my little ponies, all plasticky & creamy. i accidentally saw anna & was soooooooo happy to see her; we planned to go to disneyland. i showed ray & lucy around my house. i pestered my mum for "quarters" and loved slipping them in vending machines for toys. i was so exhilarated, so happy. i remember the buildings, the boulevards, the fruit stores, the masses of people. i remember it all. michael i planned to try mutual dreaming (i've been known to dreamwalk people in the past, especially him) and we were going to meet in a mansion (i always dream of mansions) & become particularly intrigued by the colour of a cocktail. blue, like a sea. but somehow luminescent, brilliant. i ate food not too long before sleeping (first time in forever, ghastly girl) & so only remember nightmares. michael & i want to buy lucid dreaming machines. buying a 'house' for your dreams is just as important as buying a house for your life, to me. especially for one who sleeps as often as i. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 19th, 2009
9:30 pm	test: bonehead & narcisse. paranoid: moderateschizoid: highschizotypal: highantisocial: highborderline: very highhistrionic: lownarcissistic: lowavoidant: high dependent: moderate obsessive-compulsive: lowClick here to take the testi can't believe i stooped to such levels. (taking these tests). (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 18th, 2009
6:18 pm	crazy convictions i was violently wrenched from sleep this morning, to my mother touching my arm and of course to that all too familiar feeling of sickness associated with doing things that don't feel natural. call me crazy but an 'examination' for a subject i don't even care for seems unnatural. waking up from a beautiful dream to be confronted with this world doesn't feel natural. i began semi-studying, growing ever more anxious not by the minute but by the second. it became obvious i was screwed. i curled up into a foetus & listened to 'teardrop' by massive attack & thought about how i only want to do things that feel natural from now on; i only want to do things that dont revolt in waves of nausea inside my tummy. so i just suddenly sat upright & decided: i'm not going to my exam. and my exam started five minutes ago, and i'm not there, and that's that. my mum understood. i didn't expect her, or anybody to understand my principles, but she did, and i am probably calmer for that.the best part of this is: after i made that decision, instinctively i sat down and wrote three pages of a new novel. it just came out. the second i decided to rebel against things i don't find pleasure in (not that i didn't unconsciously do it already) what did come natural just fell out of me, on to the page. it was weird & prodigious & i like it. i don't regret my decision, no matter how snap second it was; in fact i am most pleased with myself. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 17th, 2009
2:56 pm	luculent venom the water tastes gloriously enough like plastic, doesn't everything these days? it reminds me why food is useless. (Comment on this)
Friday, January 16th, 2009
12:33 pm	world, oh joy & rapture, when shall you stop studying? sleeping? my little mind-witch dances tonight because she likes the fact i refuse to study.. i have an ancient history exam tomorrow, i haven't really done any work all year so i don't know anything and still i refuse to study. i'll sleep soon and awake an hour before the exam, and spend that time washing my hair. *yawn* i wish i could do something amazing instead of the exam. exams mean nothing to a person who not only knows she is smart, but who knows that exams do not test intelligence, but one's ability to retain information, only for it be to lost at once through sheer brain exhaustion after the exam is over. i want nothing to do with any such 'intelligence'. i'll stick to reading, i'll stick to writing my own book, not studying for a grade which won't help me in any manner imagineable. I wanted to punch myself in the face when I started feeling compulsively nervous before my first exam, but then i just wanted to punch everybody - i hate the way we have all been conditioned. why can't an exam, why can't learning be a pleasant experience? it's not something to be feared. and learning in itself should be something to revel in, rather than it being a pathway to a 'high score'. i find it very prosaic & wrong & it makes me physically sick. and that is why i refuse to study, when i could be enjoying myself, and finishing the book of laughter & forgetting by milan kundera. and i will laugh, & forget. you just see if i don't.the mind-witch likes the look of my arm slivers, oh yes indeedy. she likes them being there, and not because they hurt but because they're temporary, & therefore very novel. the scars will fade away and the shape of the embryonic & beautiful word "M I L K" will slowly vanish, only to be seen on icy days when my skin turns purple and my scars purpler. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 15th, 2009
8:04 am	time-honoured banana cheer fruit is so seaside & utopian. i think i'm pregnant: the nausea doesn't seem to be leaving. i'm a virgin, but i don't trust everyone's usual conception of what 'reality' is, so tomorrow i'm going to creep up to the supermarket & steal myself a pregnancy test. or perhaps i'll get my brother thomas j to. this is very real to me. i feel like there's a comet or a jetplane or a f*cking bomb inside my stomach. but that's just right this second. other times it just feels more gentle and.. there. there are many possibilities here; well three that i can devise:i have been impregnated by aliens, a sense i've had beforei am the virgin mary v2.0my tendency towards dissociation has led me to repress the fact that i really have had sex, or been raped or something.who knows? it's more helpful not to trust my brain, nor any other's. my body is screaming that i am pregnant & pregnant it shall remain. (until of course i do this test & it's quite clear i am just imagining things).i like this place better than e2 because i can say what i want & i don't categorically care which of you established hierarchy 'intellectuals' suspect i have schizophrenia or which of you insist that i am stalking [jaubertmoniker].eroticbetty is my favourite. (Comment on this)