i disbelieve in therapy, but it makes for some good times.
waved goodbye to who i call help me rhonda today (literally 'help me', she's my therapist) because i guess i won't be back in this gardeny, dappley, but gossipy town for the summer. i now need a city psychiatrist. rhonda & i drew diagrams. she drew a perfect diamond and on each side she labelled facets of her personality, her self. i drew a disjointed shape with thousands of "facets" and explained that each opposing side was so extreme that it cancelled the other out, thus rendering them both non-existent, and so i scribbled the entire diagram out and deduced that this is what i was: a scribble. she said that it was more assuring to see me laugh this time; i mentioned how much i laugh generally. there are those who think upon first meeting that i am an airhead, hardly mensa material. "perhaps I know why it is man alone who laughs: he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter."- nietzscheshe told me I must do one pleasurable thing a day & one achievement thing a day. and that i must make lists. lists are glorious.</p>pleasurable musique:+use me - bill withers+playground love - air+sweet dreams - marilyn manson+honolulu, calcutta - fantastic plastic machine+george's answering machine (seinfeld) pleasurable films:+happiness (hmmm, "pleasurable")+go+that foreign film, 'red' pleasurable foods:+juicy sexy mango+salads & lattes+perhaps a lollipopachievement things:+a few hour's work on the novel+getting my mother to take me to the sea for lunch+staying awake (i am sleepy)+making michael take me on a road trip (this is easy, he is in love with me)+reading a french magazine+'planning for the future' (how drab; on therapist's terms, but betty & i imagine all sorts of fancies about our studio in february.. rice paper, jazz, sofae, and one of those dazzling screens which models get dressed behind. you know the ones.+drinking three litres of evian water"evian is naive spelt backwards."- reality bites