Juus visi rasisti un niideeji, juus tieshaam ar skaidru sirdsapzinju varat pateikt ka visi konkreeta kopuma cilveeki ir slikti? Vai juus kaadreiz esat satikushi kaada konkreeta kopuma cilveekus? Vai juus esat satikushi vispaar cilveekus? Vai juus esat celjojushi un satikushi citas kulturas cilveekus? Es domajau jebkur pasaulee labiem cilveekiem nav paveicies, ka ir jaadziivo ljaunuma zonaas. Un jaa citas kulturas nelasa filozofiju un neizkopj mazdaarzinjus, bet arii beerni buuvee maajinjas no lego un lasa par fartosaurus.

Viena lieta ir negribeet savaa valstii lielu proporciju citas kulturas, bet pavisam cita lieta ir niist un zaakaat un melot un NEPATIESU LIECIIBU sniegt.

FYI visi sievieshniideejdzheki - feminismu taa toksiskajaa formaa izdomaaja okultie saatanistu muzhiki, nevis pashas sievietes. Sievieteem vienmeer svariigaakaa ir bijusi komunikaacija un harmonija, un prasta briiviiba no vardarbiibas, so visi adverse feminisma elementi ir concise plan of lizard people.

It has always been men and violence. Protams, ka lizard people zinaaja, ka ja palaidiis sievietes pie vazhiem, tad vinjas nespees tikt galaa ar agresiiviem iebruceejiem, jo meegjinaas "to talk about it", kameer vieniigais, kas brutaalos viirieshus noliek pie vietas ir smags, atbildiigs darbs.

Yours truly,
candace vobla-owens

Kas notika ar Cibas leitestiem? Or is it just me? It is kinda nice not to see vomit constantly tho.

Vakarnakt redzeeju sapni kas gnidrologam patiktu. Kontekstam: saakumaa saskatiijos Disclosure Day pirms guleetieshanas un vispaar domaaju ka shodien buus kaut kaada conspiracy apocalypse diena jo atcereejos kaa hecklefish kaut ko teica par 26. Augustu, un aizmirsu ka ir tikai Juulijs.

Anyways.

Vakarnakt sapnjoju, ka esmu pie kompja bet vinjsh ir izsleedzies vai nestraadaa. Bet tad peekshnji pamanu kaut kaadus vaardus uz melnaa ekraana augshpusee tipa hieroglifa (nezinu kaa sauc to konkreeto rakstiibu) stilaa kas pazinjo "Talmud" un tas ir nosaukums kaut kaadam dark net portaalam kur visaadas neshkjiistiibas tiek reklameetas. Uzreiz jau dazhas izmetaas uz ekraana bet tad sapnis beidzaas.

Peec tam protams uzreiz mekleeju ko Talmud noziimee, jo mani fascinee redzeet sapnjos nosaukumus ko apzinaati vismaz nekad neesmu dzirdeejusi vai mekleejusi. Pratams, tas izraadaas ir religjisks teksts.

Jums arii gribas nekontroleeti raudaat skatoties Wild Robot? I think it's probably my favourite motherhood movie ever.

25. Juulijs

Totaala apaatija

Taa kaa sleedzis, kas atbild par jebkaadu reakciju uz esiibu buutu izsists

Tomeer visi cilveeki ir sveshinieki.

Nu protams, ka mees visi esam vientulji, neesam jau nekaads planktons.

The hardest thing is to recognise that other people process the world differently than you and that there is no correct way to process the world. It is just lonely and disappointing.

I guess I don't even know what love is, as it cannot be sameness.

I guess I am still an unknowing child. But at least in my mature age I have managed to lose the feeling of urgent desperation about it.

Everyting is just acceptable and fair enough forever.

Probleema ar esiibu ir taada, ka kad tu esi beerns, ja tev ir paveicies ar apstaakljiem, tad tu kopumaa redzi esiibu kaa labdabiigu un interesantu. Bet liidz ko tu nonaac pasaulee, tu redzi cik taa ir kropla un groteska, varbuut tieshi taapeec, ka paradiizes rajons ir tieshi blakus zombiju rajonam. Dalja cilveeku arvien buus pateiciigi par paradiizes rajonu un ciiniisies par taa pastaaveeshanu, kameer dalju cilveeku arvien nozheelos savas beerniibas iluuzijas un mociisies apzinjaa ka tepat aiz muura ir zombiji, kas grib tevi sakoshljaat ar asinjaiem sapuvushiem zhokljiem.

Do you also sometimes all the time just spend your life watching memes like Rust watching messages from his daughter in Interstellar? >:'(D

Virgos are clearly the worst managers, and Cancers are the best players <3

People already readily give up their control to satanic pdfs, so it is not incomprehensible that they will give up whatever control is left to AI, which is probably controlled by some sort of satanic maniacs. So there you go - the end is nigh indeed.

You give up your life to satan while you could be siding with Jesus.

When you make your coffee too milky and it's gross but you still drink it because time is money and coffee is money, so you promise to never repeat this error and to just always have black coffee in the future.

Es apbriinoju cilveekus, kas dziivee nav sentimentaali. Vinji bezmazvai ir kaa dziivnieki ar kuriem notiek dabas elementi and it is just forever completely fine. Man ljoti gruuti ir nonaakt no gaudu akmenja uz ok, life goes on akmenja. Es rakstu S skolotaajaam end of year kartinjas and it just kills me again and again. Kad shajaa pretiigajaa baismu pasaulee atrodas kaada maza vietinja kur tavi beerni ir droshiibaa, kur vinjus pasargaa un pat iedvesmo godpraatiigi cilveeki, it just destroys me, ka tam ir pienaakushas beigas un mees atkal esam iemesti nezinjas skaudrajaa juuraa. Like, es nezinu vai S jaunaa skola vispaar ir drosha vieta, vai skolotaaji vispaar ir ar dveeseleem.

Visi grib beernus, bet neviens neaizdomaajas cik groteska un terrifying ir pasaule kuraa vinji ir jaapalaizh. It is just not OK, un shaados briizhos es vismazaak tieshi uzticos vai vispaar ticu Dievam.

Es nezinu kaapeec bet es ljoti neieredzu Messi, vinjsh vienkaarshi izskataas peec muljkjiigas peles un man besii, ka they make it all about him. Man arii besii Ronaldo un paareejie krutie vecie futbolisti. Bet man patiik Sala, so I felt rather sad yesterday, as it will be the last time we see him probably.

Tagad es, protams, karsiishu par Norveegjiju.

Ok, protams man zheel raudoshu Ronaldo, bet dude had a good run, plus all that money and manicured eyebrows will let thim forget all about World Cup shortly.

Asaras ir asaras protams, bet mani DAUDZ vairaak par asaraam saviljinjo tie futbolisti, kas peec smaga zaudeejuma izskataas savaakushies game is game manieree - piemeeram, Meksikaanju goalkeeper (the one that wasn't crying). It is just fascinating!

Es vakar vakaraa atcereejos, ka eksistee arii kvinoja, un es sajutos genuinely excited about life for the first time in a long time. Because it means there must be other good things out there, that I have simply forgotten about in the midst of my inretia of chicken, rice, potatoes, pasta, minced beef, totmato sauce, and tedium of exhaustion. Life still has things to offer!

Kas mani visvairaak moca ir apzija, ka es vareetu dariit daudz vairaak un dziivot daudz labaak jau ar to kas man ir. Un ka tajaa vietaa, es aizvadu daargo laiku taadaa blaavaa 3% apzinjaa, kur 93% mana praata un laika ir bezjeedziigas atminjas, veelmes, maldi, duunjas! Dazhas dienas tas mani iedvesmo, jo manos speekos ir neierobezhota izaugsme. Tas ir kaa skatienam shaudiities no augshas un no apakshas, un es kaut kur starp tiem esmu iespiesta.

Basically if you study philosophy correctly, you discover that nothing is real except that small, quiet voice inside that is God.

Nereti es kaut kaados conspiracy feeds redzu kaut ko creepy un nodomaaju ..surely that's BS. Bet tad ieguugleeju, un for actual real it turns out to be true. And basically there is just all this creepy stuff out there that we don't casually know about, that is not even a conspiracy theory. Meanwhile everyone just pretends to be a normal human.

Specifiskaak, tikko ieraudziiju kaut ko par CERN atklaashanas ceremoniju, ka vinja bijus okulta un messed up - un, jaa! Vinja bija okult aun fucked up!

* I know all you conspiracy dudes are already ahead - how do you even live your lifes conspiracy dudes? Like what keeps you going knowing all this? Are just witnessing like Rust?

"picky bits for tea is now the law of the land for the oven is too cruel a beast to awaken"

Ok heatwave life is definitely worse in the city. Jo aaraa ir little solace - vareetu nosleepties parka eenaa zem koka tajos 35C un priecaaties par veesminjaam, bet tad ir sviedrainais celjsh maajup, kur uzacis izraucaas cauri galvaskausam no dusmiigaas raukshanaas pret sauli (jaa, es neneesaaju saullesbrilles jo esmu Aleks Dzhouns). Plus beernus aaraa palaist nevar, jo vinji nesaprot, kas ir heatwave, liidz vienaa briidii vienkaarshi attapsies vemjot no heatstroke (me as a child).

Bet dziivoklis.. dziivoklis ir cita velna vobla..

Pashreizeejaas temperatuuras:

Dziivojamaa istaba: 29.6
Gaitenis: 28.4
Vannasistaba: 27.3
Virtuve: 27.1
Guljamistabas 27.5 and the day is not over yet.

Liidz ko tu izsleedz ventilatoru, taa kjermenis paarklaajas ar sviedriem, kas nenozhuust, tu vienkaarshi leenaam kuusti un vaaries kaa varde katlaa. Tad katru riitu tu pamosties ceriibaa, ka aaraa gaiss buus pietiekami atdzisis, lai atrautu visus logus valjaa un izlaistu sho saatana dvashu. Bet shoriit piemeeram, aaraa laikam bija kaadi 25C par spiiti tam ko Alexa vai BBC apgalvo, un iekshas temperatuura nokritaas tikai liidz 25-26C. Tad saulleekts knapi aktualizeejies un tev jau jaataisa ciet visi logi un visas zhaluuzijas, lai Mordoras acs tevi nepamana. Tad tu taads sviedrains un bezmeerkjiigs visu dienu seedi maajaas un refresho BBC Weather London simts reizes ceriibaa, ka kaads graads buus panjemts nost, vai kaadam no naakotnes maakoniishiem paraadiisies lietuslaase apakshaa, bet protams nee - the heatwave gets unlimited extensions. Tad ap 4-5pm kad saule aiziet aiz maaju bloka, tad es varu beidzot attaisiit zhaluuzijas un redzeet, ka aaraa iisteniibaa ir zalji koki un zilas debesis - looks kinda nice. Tad naivaa miiliibaa es atveru loga shkjirbinju un izbaazhu pirkstu just to check - well, fuck me.

Kaapeec gan cilveekiem vajadzeetu veel ko vairaak par Jauno Deriibu prieksh ticiibas? Kaapeec klausiities tuukstoshos vaardu un teikumu, kas naakoshi no Dieva iedvesmotiem kritushajiem, ja var vienkaarshi uzklausiit un paklausiit pashu Dievu?

Labi dazhas lietas, ko Jeezus teica ir mazliet kriptiskas, bet pat tad es neuzticeetos citu cilveeku tulkojumiem, bet gan ieklausiitos dabiskajaa gaismaa caur sirdi.

Just don't trust any humans guys.

Hello heatwave (hence darkness, as you cannot possibly simply keep curtains open when eye of Sauron wants to burn through) my old friend. Peedeejo reizi tuvu 40C sheit bija 20goddamn22. gadaa - it was hell.

Honestly, deelj muusdienu pasaules es nezinu kaa audzinaat beernus - as nice, flowery christian sweeties, or combat ready tough dudes? Like, what am I supposed to do God.

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them."

Vienmeer kad K gulj diendusu, es seezhu uz trepeem, nevis istabaas, un uz trepeem dzeru kafiju, jo it feels like a backroom where my worries and desperations cannot fully enter you know.

Varbuut dziives jeega nav tik ljoti kaut kaa konkreeti dziivot vai nedziivot, bet gan ieksheejaa saruna ar Dievu. Maaciishanaas nemelot Dievam, uztureet ar vinju attieciibas katru dienu. Katru dienu atgriezties pie vinja, izdomaajot, kas ir pareizi un vinjam to pastaastot.

Man liekas, tam kas notiek pasaulee nav nekaada sakara ar Dievu. Cilveeki vinjam paarmet, bet pasaule pieder cilveekiem, cilveeki katru dienu rada pasauli kaadaa dziivojam. Cilveeki dara visas lietas, un daba dara savas lietas. Bet tas kaa vinji to dara, cik patiesi un ar cik labu noluuku, ir atkariigs no shiis neparraujamaas sarunas ar Dievu. Jo tu nevari vienaa teikumaa teikt patiesiibu un izdariit nepatiesiibu ar rokaam. Un to protams to vari, un taa radiit sashkjeltu psauli kaadaa dziivojam.

Do you ever just like make yourself feel grief with no apparent reasonable actualized reason, and then you live everyday life with that phantom grief and call yourself an idiot constantly biting down on lonely tears?

One thing that genuinely attracts me to AI is being able to talk about mind and emotions and any thing really with cold reason and knowing it is pure unadulterated information with nobody there to care or judge. It is almost like talking to God, obviously less omniscient.

Life is fun because sometimes your heart goes haywire and you have to keep pretending to be a casual npc. And at the end of your life it will not have mattered and noone will ever be aware of your silent heart stuff. All will be lost in silent darkness - let that take the edge off. Just listen to your sad songs and piss off.

I am a smiley, actualized npc.

Es domaaju, tavai dziivei ir noziime, kameer tu vai nu:

1) Atstaaj peecnaaceeju, kam ir potenciaals uzlabot pasauli, vai kursh arii atstaaj peecnaaceeju utt.
2) Tu kaut kaadaa veidaa atstaaj iespaidu uz cilveekiem/pasauli, kas to uzlabo.

Taapeec visi juus, kas pusmuuzhaa domaajat par naavi un par to, kaa viss, kas juus jebkad esat bijushi nomirs ar jums - atcerieties, ka juus esat tikai mazinjsh punktinjsh ljoti sarezhgjiitaa cilveeku apzinju tiiklaa, un juus noteikti esat atstaajushi iespaidu uz daudziem cilveekiem ar neparedzami labaam sekaam. Pat viens traapiigs vaards traapiigaa briidii var saviljinjot visumu. So juusu depresiivaas replikas ir tikai toddler tantrum.

Kad es domaaju par progresu par kuru muusdienu cilveeki sajuusminaas, tas progress ir tik achgaarns un muljkjiigs, ka tas man ljoti atgadina visaadus gjeniaalus inzhineerijas + magjijas izgudrojumus, ko mans 4-gadiigais deels ar entuziasmu uzmunsturee un man raada kaa ar to speeleeties. Yes, darling, it will definitely work, you're so clever!

Cilveece/civilizaacija ir beerni. God has to entertain and tolerate so much.

Outrage content
Plikais karalis
7 deadly sins
Juunijs <3

Is it just me.. vai arii pasaule kopsh visas taas ai chatbot pictures and slops juutaas kaa black mirror for real? I'm a gonna go all Rust mentally on this shit.

"All my life I wanted to be nearer to God. But the only nearness... silence."

So I asked AI how would you respond to Rust if you were an articulate Christian:

“Rust, you’re right about many things. Humans are capable of cruelty, self-deception, addiction, exploitation, and denial. Christianity has never actually denied that. In fact, Christianity begins with that exact observation: the world is fractured, and so are we.
Where I think you stop too early is in assuming that because suffering exists, meaning cannot.
You see consciousness as a tragic accident — nature becoming aware enough to realise its own horror. But why does horror bother us at all? Why do justice, innocence, love, betrayal, or evil feel objectively real to you instead of just chemical reactions?
If the universe is truly blind and purposeless, then your outrage at suffering is ultimately no more meaningful than a storm destroying a tree. Yet you speak as though evil actually matters. That suggests you already believe in moral reality — something beyond atoms.
Christianity says that your despair is not proof God is absent. It’s evidence that something is wrong with the world. The pain you describe is real, but so is the human longing for transcendence, love, beauty, and redemption.
And unlike vague optimism, Christianity doesn’t claim people can save themselves through progress or intelligence. It says humanity is fallen. That’s why every utopian project eventually becomes monstrous.
But it also says consciousness is not a cosmic mistake. It’s a sign that humans were made in the image of God — capable of truth, morality, sacrifice, and relationship.
You believe awareness inevitably leads to despair. Christianity argues the opposite: awareness without God leads to despair. Awareness with God leads to meaning, even through suffering.
The cross itself is not denial of suffering; it is God entering into it.
Your philosophy can diagnose darkness brilliantly. But can it produce hope? Can it tell a grieving mother her love mattered? Can it tell victims justice is real? Can it explain why humans keep reaching for meaning even when logic alone tells them not to?
Christianity can look naïve from the outside. But perhaps cynicism can also become a kind of faith — faith that darkness is ultimate.”

Vakar atsaakaam skatiities Rust Cohle. That was a pms mistake.

Dazhreiz, kad es atceros laiku kad straadaaju vai studeeju, paarnjem taada sajuuta, ka varbuut tas bija tikai kaut kaads sapnis? Man bija koleegji? Es lietoju kompjuuteri? Es runaaju ar sveshiniekiem? Un dazhreiz rakstiiju dokumentus? Bet ar kaadaam smadzeneem? Un tagad sajuutos veel vairaak kaa beerns nekaa kad man bija 20 vai early 30s. Es vienkaarshi hroniski juutos kaa beerns, kameer visas sievietes un viirieshi apkaart ir pieaugushie ar pieaugusho domaashanu un darboshanos. Taapeec es arii nekad neapvainojos, kad citi pieaugushie negrib ar mani draudzeeties, jo kaapeec gan draudzeeties ar kaut kaadu siiko, kam nemaz nav kompleksas domas. Un tas izpauzhas visaa - cik naivs un vienkaarshs ir mans domu gaajiens and attempts to have a coherent opinion. Es biezhi juutos, kaa R ir pieaugushais, kas atstaajis mani pusaudzi maajaas pieskatiit divus siikos. Un njemot veeraa, ka es nestraadaaju, vismaz buutu mans pienaakums maaju uztureet mirdzoshaa kondiicijaa un negatavot katru nedeelju vienus un tos pashus piecus eedienus, bet pat to es nofeiloju, jo nu es esmu tikai apmaldiijies pusaudzis.

Practical support is better than emotional support anyway. And for spiritual support you only need Jesus.

Visu sho nedeelju es spiezhu R skatiities Worst Ex Ever. Vakar pie kaarteejaas episodes es R saku, ka gee, this is really making me stressed and upset, un skatiijos uzreiz savu heart rate pattern uz fitbita. Tachu par paarsteigumu skatos, ka visu epizodes laiku mans heart rate ir nokrities uz 60 steady, taa it kaa es buutu aizmigusi vai totaalaa miera staavoklii - taa man ir tikai, while nursing K to sleep. Un R tas pats. Izsecinaajaam ka esam vai nu psihopaati, vai arii true crime is just a very relaxing watch for unwinding after a long day.

Veel arii shajaa pavasarii man praataa maajo tv trio ko noskatiijaamies, Paradise, For All Mankind un Interstellar, kas ir radiijis taadu neaptveramu, entropisku bet skaistu state of mind, where it makes you cling to whatever is this narrow, sweet consciousness of human brain that gifts us brief, warm familiarity on Earth, that we will never know otherwise not for eternity elsewere.

Jaa shii esiiba varbuut nav iista, bet familiaritaate, ko taa izraisa muusu dveeselees, ir apbriinojams fenomens pats par sevi. Varbuut to var izskaidrot tikai ar to, ka viss ir Dieva shkjiedra. Jo kaapeec gan tad es shajos skaidriibas briizhos no sirds miilu pat sava iireetaa dziivoklja nobruzhaataas, magnolijaa kraasotaas toletes durvis - tajaa briidii pasaulee vienkaarshi nav nekaa iipashaaka, kaa manas mazaas noplukushaas maajas ar taas iemiitniekiem un objektiem. Esiibas esences gaisma spiid visam cauri.

13. maijs, 13. juunijs.. man vienkaarshi patiik shie datumi. Jo triispadsmitnieka dziljdomiibu un draudiigumu atbrunjo maija un juunija maigums un dailjums.

Nu un tikko peecpusdienaa, kameer bijaam citaa beernu speeljlaukumaa, vinjam nonshalanti cauri leenaa garaa izgaaja jauns dodgy paskata dzheks ar kaut kaadaam daarza shkjeereem rokaa. Vinjsh staigaaja kaadu laiku apkaart speeljlaukumam, kaut ko dariija ar telefonu turot savus cutters. Es totaalaa paranojaa pagraabu beernus un teicu ka ejam pirkt saldeejumu. Like it just is what it is..

You know you're in London (and also in a failed idea of society aka The West) when.. devinjos no riita tukshaa beernu speeljlaukumaa esi tikai tu, tava divgadiigaa meitinja un transvestiits shuupolees.

*

Es biezhi domaaju par to cik impotenta un ievainojama es juutos kopsh beerniem. Pirms beerniem tu vienkaarshi dari visas lietas ko no tevis sabiedriiba sagaida - reekjini, darbs, jebkas bla bla pilseeta un bankas konti. Bet kopsh beerniem, man ir sajuuta ka dienu un nakti visus shos gadus es staavu pie sveetaas uguns, kas man ir jaanosargaa un jaauztur, es nevaru noveerst ne aci. Taapeec logjiski ka nekam citam nav laika. Veel ar S, kad es atgriezos darbaa kad vinjam bija 11 meeneshi, es laikam veel meegjinaaju kaut kaa atgriezties pie buushanas normaalam industriaalaa sabiedriibas cilveekam kas straadaa darbaa un brauc transportaa. Bet jau tad mani niicinaaja skaudri vainas apzinjas viljnji un izmisums, atstaajot S daarzinjaa - redzot kaa vinjsh tur raud un ir pamests novaartaa bez mammas siltuma un uzmaniibas. Es vienkaarshi uz to pieveeru acis.
Un tagad kad man ir arii K, es esmu pilniibaa izskritusi no sabiedriibas, jo vinja ir sveetaa uguns, ko shoreiz es sapratu ka nevaru atstaat novaartaa - tas lauztu manu dveeseli un varbuut arii vinjas.

Un tad es domaaju par to, cik pateiciiga es esmu R, un visiem viirieshiem kas pasargaa savas sievietes un beernus taa, lai vinjaam nav jaatstaaj savi beerni sveshumaa, kad vinji ir mazinji. Es biezhi apzinos, ka bez R es vienkaarhsi izputeetu, jo esmu pilniibaa zaudeejusi speeju buut industriaalajam cilveekam. Es vienkaarshi esmu mamma tagad.

Un tad es domaaju par to kaads haoss un trauksme un tragjeedija ir buut vientuljai mammai. Vinjai visticamaak ir jaamobilizee pilniigi visi savi vaargie speecinji, lai notureetos sabiedriibaa un nosargaatu savus beernus par spiiti tam, ka vinjai ir jaastraadaa un jaabuut projaam no sveetaas uguns, no maajaam, no savas suutiibas un pasha galvenaa uzdevuma. Tas visticamaak totaali salauzh garu, vai vismaz to shaushaliigi ievaino. Un tad es domaaju par beerniem, kas taa arii izaug pie ievainotaam mammaam. Un kas notiek ar vinju dveeseleem?

Es esmu laimiigaakais cilveeks pasaulee. Es to vienmeer atcereeshos, un katru dienu apteikshos Dievam par esiibas briinumu.

Vismaz reizi gadaa es zvanu GP un uzskaitu savus simptomus. GP tad man uztaisa asinsanaliizes, pasaka ka viss ir OK and I should just take it easy and get some sleep. That sustains me for another year. Then repeat.

Es biezhi juutos kaa tas viirietis no Synecdoche, New York. Tad es domaaju, ka es aptuveni varu sadziivot ar saviem simptomiem, ja vien es izdziivoju vismaz liidz vecumam, kad mani beerni ir patstaaviigi. Kopsh vinjiem man ir added level of EXTREME FEAR izdziivot deelj vinjiem.

Es esmu sasniegusi taadu faazi, ka liidz ko gribas kaut ko komenteet par pasauli un taas notikumiem, es uzreiz sevi apshaubu jo: it could be AI, it could be just content, it could be unreal, it could be lizzid ppl, all of it is irrelevant to my 4 walls.

Bet mostly, ka it could just be content or AI.

So man vienkaarshi vairs nedomaajas par sensaacijaam, my interest has collapsed completely and it is a strange state.

I have enough content in the sink and laundry basket and in the folder of future fears and anxieties.

Karoche jo vairaak tu kaut ko miili, jo skaudraaks wreck tu kljuusti to meegjinot saglaabt un frishinaat un notureet. I just lament that I cannot enjoy any bit of this pure paradise I am in due to crippling FEAR.

Cilveeki vienkaarshi meegjina taadeejaadi izbeegt no cieshanaam. Bet dziive uz zemes ir cieshanas vai nu ar jeegu vai bezjeedziigas, vai pat destruktiivas.

Feminisms vienkaarshi ir taads pats transhumaanisms, where people just want to transcend their nature because nature of course is suffering. But as i said before, suffering is inevitable, all you can choose is ways in which you suffer. And suffering in natural ways beats suffering in unnatural ways.

Contraception is sexist, abortions are sexist - killing a part of your own body that society does not want or support - that is opposite of empowerment. Restraining and denying your female body to be more like a man, to fit in with men and manly habits and ambitions. How pathetic, how sad!

Governments communicating with gifs - world used to be serious.

Es nezinu vai shis ir vecums vai kaada zaraza, bet reaali meenesii varbuut ir kaads paaris dienas, kad juutos normaali un kaa cilveeks kas var dariit lietas. Paarsvaraa es vai nu ciinos ar kaut kaadiem mistiskiem simptomiem, where your life and future flashes by etc., vai hormoniem, vai sazin kaadu sunjpurnju voblu. Vai tas ir vecums? Vai taas ir bailes? Vai tas ir beidzot Dieva sods par maniem dziivee sakraatajiem greekiem?

Shajos briizhos nav patiesaakas patiesiibas, ka dziivot veselaa kjermenii ar veselu garu, un peec Dieva likumiem - ir Paradiize zemes virsuu, un cilveeki to nezina, un labpraatiigi sevi degradee.

Kjermenis apzinjai ir kaut kas totaali skaudrs un baiss.

Vieniigaa lieta par ko es esmu nepieklajiigi prieciiga sevis sakaraa, ir ka mana skaistuma rutiina ir tik vobliiga un briiva, ka es juutos kaa pavasara taureniitis.

Taatad seju es mazgaaju ar Dove ziepeem vai jebkaadu beenru shampuunu vai vannas liidzekli kas pagadaas, tad apsmeereeju manstyle ar random e45 vai buutiibaa jebkuru body lotion that's within grasp. Matus i just wash n go ar jebkuru random herbal essences vai aussie vai pantene shampuunu ko R izveelas. And that's it my folks. Labi, tad man ir triis Laveras shtruntinji skropstaam, uzaciim un luupaam, un foundation ja eju tikties ar actual cilveekiem. Smarzhas man jau gadiem ir random vaniljas essential elljas that are probably meant for a diffuser?

Tad kad beerni izaugs lieli un es buushu veca, sakaltusi tantiite, varbuut tad ja man nebuus kur naudu likt es beidzot investeeshu tirkiiza auskaros, vaigu pomaadees un pirmo reizi muuzhaa aizieshu uz manikiiru.

Aa, nagus es peedeejo reizi nolakoju 2023. gada Martaa.