Taoism: Shit Happens.

Hare Krishna: Shit Happens Rama Rama Ding Ding.

Hinduism: This Shit Happened Before.

Islam: If Shit Happens, Take A Hostage.

Zen: What Is The Sound Of Shit Happening?

Buddhism: When Shit Happens, Is It Really Shit?

Confucianism: Confucius Say, “Shit Happens.”

7th Day Adventist: Shit Happens On Saturdays.

Protestantism: Shit Won’t Happen If I Work Harder.

Catholicism: If Shit Happens, I Deserve It.

Jehovah’s Witness: Knock, Knock, “Shit Happens.”

Unitarian: What Is This Shit?

Mormon: Shit Happens Again & Again & Again.

Judaism: Why Does This Shit Always Happen To Us?

Rastafarianism: Let’s Smoke This Shit.

Southern Baptist: Send Us Money And Shit Won’t Happen.

Calvinism: Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.

Hedonism: There’s nothing like a good shit happening.

Moonies: Would You Like To Buy Some Shit?

Stoicism: This shit is good for me.

Zoroastrianism: Shit only happens half the time.

Christian Science: Shit is in your mind.

Environmentalism: You produce shit, so you have to eat it.

Socialism: Sorry, we are out of shit today.

Atheism: There is no shit.