Anyway, for those still working out what the blooming hell I'm yapping on about, welcome to our coverage of Real Madrid v Barcelona and their Champions League semi-final first leg. It's only the fourth time these two have met this season, so you might expect they have few surprises left for each other. That's without factoring in the Jose Mourinho effect, though, of course. A man who could start a fight in an empty room. A man for whom mind games are second nature. A man who considers himself more cunning than a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University [doffs cap in direction of Blackadder]. Trust me, it really is personal.

Now then, what was all that nonsense about 'it being personal' about then? Well, Real boss Jose Mourinho - as is his wont - stoked the fires ahead of tonight's match by suggesting Barca counterpart Pep Guardiola belongs to a new breed of coach who "criticises correct decisions by referees". Guardiola, a man previously about as easy to rile as a teddy bear under sedation, responded with an expletive-filled rant. Shock. Horror. Whether you consider Mourinho's mind games as 'genius' or Guardiola's response as 'cracking up' probably depend on whether you're Sir Alex Ferguson or Kevin Keegan. For me, it's playground stuff - and I dare say neither set of players will be overly concerned by the spat at all come kick-off.

a toto nožāvējām, ja.