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@ 2019-03-17 10:46:00

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Garastāvoklis: peaceful
Mūzika:love it if we made it by the 1975

ça fait longtemps

maybe it has been long time, but in reality only a bit more than a week, if i remember correctly. a few things have happened during this time that i so badly wanted to write down for at least five days but always managed to either forget or to put it off for later, so here i am now. what i remember is that i had the english exam on tuesday and wednesday. there is not that much to say about that, i think it went rather well. obviously i feel like i made at least one mistake in every part but that is okay. i skipped school on thursday because i could not make myself prepare for two tests, so this year i have the longest spring break ever - in total 11 days, because i got that thursday and also friday off (friday was free for most of the 12th graders). some time this week i also got my ielts pretesting results back (regarding listening and reading parts). i thought that getting 6.5 or 7.0 would be more than great, because that is the score that unis usually require and i also had not revised anything, i wanted to know my true level without any preparation. i got a freaking 8.0 on both parts! i was beyond happy and excited. now the most important thing is to get the same score on the actual exam, which will be on 13th of april, a saturday. i will revise my butt off during this spring break. also, another success - i got the 2nd place in a state olympiad. there was a competiton between the best students from the whole country and i got the 2nd place (of course, there are multiple people who got awarded places). i cried when i saw the results, because this is my biggest achievement in my whole life. also, this was my last olympiad ever, so this was just a spectacular way to end the part of my life which was filled with various olympiads. other news - i applied to an event called "studenta kurpēs" which is basically "ēnu diena" but you get to follow students. i participated last year as well and i followed a 3rd year student who was studying english philology, but this year i applied to follow a student who is studying freaking asian studies, specifically korean. if she accepts me, i will be attending 3 lectures - one about korean culture, one about scientific research and one about philosophy, so it sounds damn exciting. on the topic of korean - the tax money has not been returned yet, but it should be about 220 euros, so one of the purchases i am planning to make is to buy those korean self-study books. i also downloaded an app called "wish" and i will probably purchase a phone case and some earrings, because i found some very cute ones for a cheap price. last thing regarding events and such - i went to a ballet show called "swan lake" in the opera on friday with my grandma and sister. it was fucking splendid, i loved every second of it. it seemed too short, even though it was 3 hours long. of course, my favourite part was dance of the little swans, because it has that iconic tchaikovsky music and great choreography. right now i am reading a book called "fuck it, do what you love", and i want to quickly write down some of the ideas that i found interesting. firstly, visualizing all of the tasks that need to be done (respectively, drawing them in an office) and then deciding which of those can stay there and which could be moved to the "waiting room", as to say that you cannot focus on them now, but possibly later. another important thing is to keep new ideas and tasks out, by that i mean trying to say "no" to new things, if you are already drowning in stuff to do. i will try to visualize the things i have to do a bit later today, but i can already think of some of them - dealing with all the school stuff that i have been putting away for a long time, revising for the ielts exam, revising for the maths exam, learning some french, reading the shitload of books that i have, especially those which i need to return to the people i borrowed them from etc. etc. whilst reading this book i am trying to get back my love for things, such as languages and philosophy and literature. it has not "died", that love is just hidden somewhere deep down in me and i want to get it back. i have decided to limit my social media use to the max, because it is what keeps from doing things. often times i feel so overwhelmed by things i COULD do that i end up sitting on my phone and not doing anything productive and useful. this needs to stop. again, i want to emphasize this thing - doing something for short periods of time or doing something poorly is LOADS BETTER than not doing anything. i also want to start caring for myself, but slowly. funnily enough, i am planning to start by brushing teeth in the evenings as well, not only in the mornings. this might sound fucked up, but i stopped brushing teeth in the evenings due to an influence from someone, and i want to be free from that. i removed the picture frames from my desk which had that person in the pictures, i put a picture with luna on my desk from the 9th grade (it is a picture of us both together, taken on picture day). i also put luna's drawing in a visible place in my book shelf (there used to be a thing made by that person). i also recently archived almost all of my pictures on instagram which had that person, also untagged them from basically every picture i have. deleted an account which was private and had pictures of us both. i feel so much better now, like i am becoming more free day by day. i will read all of the books i have from them so i could return them all and remove the few ties that still exist. i can still talk to them if needed, but i prefer not to. right now, i am happy in my little cave, finally focusing on myself. back to the book - why do what we love? because life is fucking short and you do not want to be regretting it (and because you could literally die at any given moment), because you will be happier, because you will be healthier (less stress), because you will be more successful (most people who succeed in something did that by doing what they love), and, most probably, you will be wealthier. also, our body is a lie detector - you need to stretch you arm out in 90 degrees angle on your side. firstly, say something completely true, like your name, and have a person press your arm down where your wrist is. you should try to resist. then, after a small rest, try saying that your name is something completely different, for example, elizabeth. keep saying that and have your partner press your arm down again. it should be that your resistance is higher when you are saying the truth. this can be tested in many other situations. you just have to choose two things - one that you really love, and the other that you do not really love, but think you should. and you will see that you resist more when saying the truth. pretty cool. off topic - i tidied my room yesterday and finally threw out so many things that were just taking up space, for example, old notebooks and old work pages from different subjects, for example, physics and chemistry. i re-organized the things i decided to keep and i feel like my head has been cleared out a bit. okay, i think this is it. lastly, bts' comeback is on 12th of april. it better be fucking good. also, the 1975 is lit. 평화

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