dj2
Dienas joki 2:

I run like the winded.

I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.

When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery.

I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.

Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.