for all you academic suicide experimenters



Step 1: Panic (2-3 hours)
Step 2: Have a cup of coffee to calm down (30 minutes, or more if possible)
Step 3: Skim through a few books to grab some quotes that are vaguely in context (i.e. they mention the broad subject and sound quite clever) (2 hour)
Step 4: Write a few paragraphs (2 hours)
Step 5: Cry a bit and start deleting most of what’s been written so far (30 minutes)
Step 6: Write some more, whilst repeating “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can…I can…zzzzZZZZ” (3 hours)
Step 7: Wake up and have a short panic (10 minutes)
Step 8: Write as fast as possible, ignoring any paragraphs that don’t make sense (the rest of the night)
Step 9: Pray that it’s going to pass and hand it in with a shaky smile and wobbly legs.