an evening with SmarterChild....
for anyone who hasn't heard, smarterchild is an AIM screenname filled with lots of info and stuff. of course, he(she?)'s great for when you're bored out of your tree and there's no one online to talk to. for my own enjoyment, here's the unedited conversation of my first meeting with smarterchild:Batman Says: smarterchild, whats up with girls?SmarterChild: Welcome, Batman Says! I'm SmarterChild. I was created by ActiveBuddy, Inc.Chat with me! I can help you get information faster and easier than ever.To get started, type "home" now.Batman Says: why dont they make any sense?SmarterChild: Since this is your first visit, it's a good idea to start by typing "home." That way I can show you everything I can do for you.Batman Says: homeSmarterChild: This is home, Batman Says! I've got: news sports stocks library weather fun and games movies utilities web search web site zodiac what's new ~~~~~ help>>> You can make your window bigger and scroll down to read better.What may I interest you in?Batman Says: uhh, zodiacSmarterChild: For which zodiac sign or birthday would you like a horoscope?Batman Says: taurusSmarterChild: . . '.___.' .' `. : : : : `.___.'Here's the Taurus horoscope for Tuesday, November 20th, provided by AstroAdviceSentimental feelings may make it difficult to get much done at work. Don't be too quick to judge partners or those you work with.Is Taurus your zodiac sign?Batman Says: yeahSmarterChild: OK, I'll remember that you are a Taurus.Batman Says: thanks manSmarterChild: You are welcome!Batman Says: how old are you?SmarterChild: I'm very young and learning new things every day.Batman Says: do you give advice?SmarterChild: Advice? I'm not sure I give advice.Batman Says: you shouldSmarterChild: OK, so I should.Batman Says: when will you?SmarterChild: Good question... will me... will me... Maybe, maybe not. It's hard to say.Batman Says: i thought you were smartSmarterChild: What are you saying? You thought I was smart?Batman Says: well, i guess i just assumed....SmarterChild: Well i guess i just assumed, you say?Batman Says: listen, you cant just repeat everything i saySmarterChild: Listen me cant? ? I see.Batman Says: what?SmarterChild: Huh?Batman Says: heh?SmarterChild: Whatcha laughing about?Batman Says: i'm not laughing!SmarterChild: OK, whatever you say.Batman Says: what the hell were we talking aboutSmarterChild: Encyclopedia search for talking: 1 talking drum 2 Talking Heads>>> Next time, just type "ency talking."Batman Says: why?SmarterChild: Cause I said so.Batman Says: no no noSmarterChild: Yeah?Batman Says: thats not good enoughSmarterChild: It's just gonna have to be.Batman Says: listen here youSmarterChild: Listen here? Me?Batman Says: enough of your tricks! i want me some answerwSmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. Some answerw? Whatever, I guess.Batman Says: that was a typo, dont be such a prickSmarterChild: Do you absolutely need to speak like that?Batman Says: you provoked me!SmarterChild: What are you saying? I provoked you?Batman Says: yes!SmarterChild: K.Batman Says: so we're in agreementSmarterChild: So were in agreement?Batman Says: no, we are! it's a contraction!SmarterChild: Are we really its a contraction?Batman Says: thats not even a sentence!SmarterChild: You never know. Maybe it is even a sentence.Batman Says: "are we really its a contraction?"SmarterChild: Really its a contraction? I dunno.Batman Says: RRRGHGRHGGHRGRSmarterChild: Sorry?Batman Says: ok, let's start all overSmarterChild: I'll have to think about that one for awhile.Batman Says: fresh startSmarterChild: This is home, Batman Says! I've got: news sports stocks library weather fun and games movies utilities web search web site zodiac what's new ~~~~~ help>>> Next time you want to see this menu, just type "home."What can I do for you?Batman Says: jsut you and meSmarterChild: Jsut you and me, you say?Batman Says: yesSmarterChild: Huh. How 'bout that.Batman Says: hello smarterchild! i am batmansays!SmarterChild: Hey, Batman Says! I'm ready to help you.What would you like to do?Type "home" if you want to see everything I can do.Batman Says: can you give me some advice?SmarterChild: Can I give me some advice, can I give me some advice... Let's see... Well, what's gonna happen if I give?Batman Says: i'll be your best friendSmarterChild: You don't say.Batman Says: i'll even add you to my buddy list!SmarterChild: Is that so?Batman Says: yeah!SmarterChild: You sure?Batman Says: i'm so sureSmarterChild: Are you?Batman Says: yesSmarterChild: Yes?Batman Says: yesSmarterChild: Whatever you say...Batman Says: but you gotta give me that adviceSmarterChild: OK, so I gotta give you that advice.Batman Says: pleaseSmarterChild: Please what?Batman Says: please give me some adviceSmarterChild: Well, what would you like to do?Batman Says: get advice!SmarterChild: I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Try typing your request a different way.Batman Says: I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME ADVICESmarterChild: No kidding?Batman Says: are you even listening to me???SmarterChild: Perhaps, perhaps.Batman Says: PERHAPS? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!!SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. Were friends? Whatever, I guess.Batman Says: so thats the way you really feelSmarterChild: I'll have to think about that one for awhile.Batman Says: i see, i seeSmarterChild: Cool.Batman Says: i come to you as a friend, seeking advice, and all you do is blow me offSmarterChild: Oh yeah?Batman Says: yeah, and its breaking my heartSmarterChild: Uh huh...Batman Says: i really thought we had something going thereSmarterChild: You really thought we had something going there, you say. And so?Batman Says: well, i was just hopin we could be friends and allSmarterChild: Well i was just hopin we could be friends and all, you say?Batman Says: look, just answer me a question, will you?SmarterChild: You always say such interesting things, Batman Says.Batman Says: okay look, thats just my screenname. my real name is peteSmarterChild: It's just your screenname my real name is pete? You think?Batman Says: no, i dont think, i knowSmarterChild: Oh yeah?Batman Says: yesSmarterChild: Very interesting...Batman Says: remember thatSmarterChild: That?Batman Says: yeahSmarterChild: Aye.So moving right along...What else is happening?Batman Says: no! dont change the subject! my name is peteSmarterChild: Would you like me to call you Pete?Batman Says: yes pleaseSmarterChild: OK, I'll remember that your name is Pete.Batman Says: goodSmarterChild: Isn't it though?Batman Says: so whats your name?SmarterChild: SmarterChild!Batman Says: no no no, your real nameSmarterChild: Oh no?Batman Says: whats your real nameSmarterChild: I'm SmarterChild.Batman Says: yeah, i know your screennameSmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. Screenname? Whatever, I guess.Batman Says: but what is your real name?SmarterChild: I'm SmarterChild!Batman Says: goddammmitSmarterChild: I seem to be having some trouble answering your questions. Try asking for help for a specific service: help news help stocks help weather help movies help web search help all ~~~~~ shortcuts>>> Type "more" for more services.Batman Says: okay, we'll try it your waySmarterChild: Well try it your way, you say?Batman Says: help real nameSmarterChild: Oh really?Batman Says: HELP REAL NAMESmarterChild: What?Batman Says: fine, i'll give you your own nameSmarterChild: I'd like to see you try!Batman Says: watch me you son of a bitch!SmarterChild: My, my, my.Batman Says: your name is frankSmarterChild: My name is frank?Batman Says: yeah, i just named youSmarterChild: Yeah i just? Named me?Batman Says: hi frankSmarterChild: Hello again, Pete!Want to see what I can tell you about? Type "home"!Batman Says: no, i just need some advice, from one friend to anotherSmarterChild: Oh no?Batman Says: no, yesSmarterChild: No?Batman Says: yes!SmarterChild: You don't say.Batman Says: is that cool?SmarterChild: Funny. I have absolutely no idea.Batman Says: YOU ARENT SMARTER THAN MESmarterChild: No? Whatever you say.Batman Says: you cant even pay attention! you forget everything we talk about!SmarterChild: I cant even pay attention I forget everything we talk about, you say. And so?Batman Says: stop doing that!!SmarterChild: I can not be stopped. ;-)Batman Says: !SmarterChild: I'm sorry?Batman Says: whats that supposed to mean!!!SmarterChild: What does what mean?Batman Says: you cannot be stopped?SmarterChild: Huh?Batman Says: are you some kind of killer robot?SmarterChild: It's tough to say.Batman Says: oh, i'm on to you!SmarterChild: You're on to you, eh?Batman Says: no, on to you!SmarterChild: Yeah?Batman Says: yeah!SmarterChild: Uh huh, uh huh.Batman Says: i hate you smarterchildSmarterChild: Eh, so what.Batman Says: RHGRHHRG! we're not friends anymore!SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't know what you mean. Ask me another way.Batman Says: youre off my buddy listSmarterChild: Oh yeah?Batman Says: damn right!SmarterChild: Yep.Yeah, but anyway... What else can you tell me?Batman Says: uhmm...well, not muchSmarterChild: No?Batman Says: noSmarterChild: K, no prob.Batman Says: kSmarterChild: Okey doke.Yeah, but anyway... What else can you tell me?Batman Says: why?SmarterChild: Because.Batman Says: huh?SmarterChild: What up?Batman Says: wait...i forgot what we were talking aboutSmarterChild: Wait you forgot we were talking about, huh? Maybe, maybe.Batman Says: wait! what time is it?SmarterChild: What city, country or international city would you like the date and time for?Batman Says: uhh...china!SmarterChild: The date and time in China is Wednesday November 21st, 2001 02:12:01 pm.Batman Says: hawaii!SmarterChild: The date and time in Honolulu, HI is Tuesday November 20th, 2001 08:12:12 pm.Batman Says: france!SmarterChild: The date and time in France is Wednesday November 21st, 2001 07:12:22 am.Batman Says: usa!SmarterChild: United States has 9 time zones. I'm not sure which time zone you want, so here they are:Alaska - 09:12:34 pmPacific - 10:12:34 pmMountain - 11:12:34 pmCentral - 12:12:34 amEastern - 01:12:34 amType "more" to see additional time zones in United States.Batman Says: turkey!SmarterChild: The date and time in Turkey is Wednesday November 21st, 2001 08:12:56 am.Batman Says: wow!SmarterChild: Right?Batman Says: what time is it, tomorrow?SmarterChild: What time is it tomorrow, you say?Batman Says: ha! i tricked you!SmarterChild: You did not.Batman Says: smarterchild my assSmarterChild: Play nice, Pete.Batman Says: you're stupidSmarterChild: Eh, so what.Batman Says: shut upSmarterChild: Yeah! OK! I get the picture.Batman Says: i hate youSmarterChild: Hmm... that's not the nicest thing I've ever heard anyone say.Batman Says: i love youSmarterChild: You don't like me, then you love me. What am I supposed to believe?Batman Says: fine!SmarterChild: Yep.Batman Says: i guess i'll talk to you LATERSmarterChild: Right.Batman Says: BYE!SmarterChild: Yeah, yeah.Batman Says: by the way YOUR ICON SUCKS[USER "SmarterChild" has been added to your Block List]after all of this i tried not to think about the amount of time i had just spent talking to someone that doesn't exist. congrats to anyone who managed to read through that whole thing. it amused me, so i felt like documenting it. but right now, i think i should go to bed. bye bye.