"Rats the size of rabbits are still stalking the streets of Birmingham a year after bin workers staged an all-out strike.

Britain's second largest city has been described as a 'slum area' and 'as bad as Victorian Britain' as it continues to reel from one of the longest-running industrial disputes of modern times."

Reaali jums Latvijaa nav par ko suudzeeties.

Opinions are opressive as they are pressing in my brain. Lets just all exist in fluid silence and transcendental ambivalence - a delirious plasma field that existed before there was Word that was good.

Noskatiijos Manosphere. Vienkaarshi shkjiet kaa atbilde feminismam, kas ir atbilde an older manosphere, so basically sievietes un viirieshi striidaas jau tuukstoshiem gadu i guess.

That said, Louijam ir taisniiba, ka manosphere seems to originate from trauma, just as toxic feminism. Un pats jociigaakais ir, ka tie dzheki kas tik ljoti priicho, ka they want to embrace responsibility and be wholesome, dara visas ietas kas nav wholesome or resposible. Unless there is like a conservative manosphere and liberal manoshpere.

Aah, once again - the world is doomed and we have no future.

I've realized that it is not God or Jesus that gets me through dark mind times, it is always people who believe this stuff fervently. So in a sense I am not a follower of Christ but a follower of whatever human speaks most passionately and protectively about god/love.

Ok, can I just leave this here:

Jaunaa skolu guidance UK:

'Schools will want to be flexible in catering for religious differences.'

This includes being aware of the 'sensitivities' that some Muslim parents may have around the 'teaching of aspects of art, dance, drama, music, physical education, religious education and RSHE'.

The publication cites art as an example, stating that Islamic culture and civilisation has 'a rich artistic tradition' - but schools may find there are religious exceptions.

'A three-dimensional imagery of humans is considered idolatrous by some Muslims,' the guidance warns.

'It is very important that the school understands this and is also careful not to ask its students to reproduce images of Jesus, Prophet Mohammed or other figures considered to be prophets in Islam.

'Some Muslim pupils may not wish to draw the human figure.'

'In Islam, music is traditionally limited to the human voice and non-tuneable percussion instruments as in the days of the Prophet, when they were only used in marriage ceremonies and on the battlefield.'

It adds that there is 'a diversity of opinion regarding music amongst Muslims' and schools should 'ensure' students are not asked to join in songs that conflict with their religious beliefs.

For drama lessons, teachers should be mindful not to ask students to play parts that 'may seem to compromise their faith'.

There may also be 'reservations' around 'physical contact between males and females or performing in a manner that might encourage immodesty or sexual feelings'.

Vakar pie S skolas divas daamas, kas izskatiijaas meec Maarshas no Spaced, luudza parakstiities pret Palantir ievieshanas vieteejaa slimniicaa. Saakumaa es neaizdomaajos un vinjas man prasiija vai esmu par to dzirdeejusi. Tad aizdomaajos un atcereejos ka kaut kur paviideejis shis vaards vienaa no maniem Insta amerikas conspiracy accounts. So lai arii es nezinu kas tas iiisti ir, teicu vinjaam, ka noteikti esmu pret visu sho 'stuff' un parakstiijos.

Just as you think that conspiracies is just a killing of time that people like to indulge in online, some little crumble of this crap comes close to your home.

Vai pasaule pieder dievam vai saatanam?

This person:
1)Accepts the loss completely
2)But still somehow believes that with God, the impossible could be restored

Vakar un shodien bija jaabuut +17 un spozhai saulei. Tajaa vietaa 2 dienas jau ir bieza diivaina migla. Pat vakar kad saule mazliet paraadiijaas dienas viduu - caur aukstu miglu. So although it did feel a bit like Jeff Buckley music video, it was weird man. I think - lizard people. Jo galvenais, ka laika zinjas veelaizvien raada ka ir clear skies un saule, which there is 'clearly' not - nekur zinjaas par sho nav pat piemineets.

Ok guys, i think i actually really appreciate Keir Starmer for the first time in my life. Pls stay strong dude and don't give in to swamps of pointless violence.

Shodien atbrauc mamma.

Plusi:

1) Beerni tiek pie elder guidance, gjimenes, socializaacijas, kaada kas par vinjiem sajuusminaas un peerk daavanas.
2) Jaunas veesmas manaa tuuksthosh gadu dziives peleeciibaa.

Miinusi:

1) Esmu man shkjiet zemaakajaa punktaa kaadaa dziivee esmu bijusi pashapzinjas zinjaa, so tagad buus jaakriit veel zemaak, klausoties tajaa cik es esmu inept failure and not a real human being.

Taatad plusu vir vairaak - jaasanjemas un jaaizdziivo.

Man ljoti zheel dziivee, ka vecaaki nav gribeejushi draudziigas attieciibas. Protams, superannny, es apzinos ka vecaaki nav draugi un boundaries and yada, bet es vismaz plaanoju ar saviem beerniem draudziigi runaat par visu liidz vecumdienaam, ja Dievs atljaus.

Instead of being an angst bitch I should be apocalypse prepping really.

Es gribu buut solzhenicins, bet nespeeju tikt paari savai upura mentalitaatei.

Dazhos briizhos es atmostos un redzu, cik daudz labu darbinju vareetu apdariit savaa dziivee, lai kljuutu par omuliigu Birutas tanti, pie kuras visi grib braukt ciemos eest plaatsmaizes ar kafiju. Jo vinja vienkaarshi zina dziives patiesiibas un nekas vinju nesatricina, visi veelas piekljauties vinjas siltajai kruutij un tikt sabuzhinaati un uzfrishinaati dziivei.

Bet es esmu vienkaarshi veesa, glumja zemuudens vobla, kas meegjina pati no sevis izvairiities - kas mani skata vaigaa, riskee ar eksistenciaalu pagrimumu.

"Overall, brain research has shown how the female brain is at work in more sections than the male just about all the time. It is on call in a way the male is not. To use an analogy: the male brain turns on, like a machine, to do its task, then turns off; the female brain is always on. This is an exaggeration, of course, for parts of the male brain are also always on, but when Gur compares the two brains in non-active states, the difference between the constantly “on” female brain and “on/off” male brain is startling. This difference is a primary reason males are so “task-oriented,” testing out as less able than females to do a number of different kinds of tasks at once; and why males react to interruptions in their thinking with more of a sense of invasion than females tend to, and combined with testosterone-based aggression, more forcefully."

Es nespeeju, NESPEEJU noticeet cik ljoti medijiem un valdiibaam pie kaajas ir Epsteina Faili.. Its so depressing and dark every day that nobody gives a fuck.

And its like they are dismissing and downplaying the massive, explicit files, where in a REAL investigation authorities would tend to do the opposite, with even a slightest tiny clue or snippet.

Pat Andrew un Mandelsonu aiztureeja policija un iztirzaa nevis galvenokaart par vinju slutty abuse bet gan par kkaadu valdiibas nosleepumu izpljaapaashanu. Can it be more grotesque - the indifference?

Man vienkaarshi ir ljoti pretiigi no shiis pasaules. I don't really know what am i supposed to tell my kids about the world that has descended in a pit of hell.

Vienkaarshi saliidziniet - kaut vai tie nabagi kurus apcietina uz kaadu gadu par vinju stulbajiem tviitinjiem - kameer apcietinaat perversus vechus par vinju perversajiem e-pastiem, kur vinji klaji atziistas pedofiilijas plaanoshanaa un izpildiishanaa - par to ir "sarzezhgjiiti" aiztureet un apcietinaat? Kaapeec gan? Taapeec ka vinji ir baagaati un kruti, un ikdienas tviterotaaji ir tikai sorry peasants?

Vai kaadam veel vajag pieraadiijumus ka visas valdiibas ir no saatana.

Saap auss, ir mild temperatuura un malaise, dusmojos uz R ka mani nesaprot un uz pasauli, ka man tajaa nav vietas. Varbuut atkal vnk pms hopefully.

Man dazhreiz shkjiet, ka jaa, patiesi - dziive ir ljoti magjiski nosleepumaina un ik uz stuura var atklaaties daargumi un briinumi, kas satricina esiibu un tevi rada arvien jaunu, katapultee arvien jaunos/dziljaakos esiibas plaanos. Tieshi taadi briinumi, kas ir uz pavisam sagliidusha senas, gadiem ilgas peleeciibas fona.

Tikmeer es vaaros savaa sulaa, kur manu praato nomaac mazas, ikdienishkjas banalitaates.

Un manas lielaakaas bailes arvien paliek ka man shie briinumi ir kaa cuukai peerles. Ka ja manaa dziivee ienaak kaads potenciaals briinums, tad es vienkaarshi tajaa neiedziljinos, un peec tam veel nosodu, kaa kaut kaadu apzinjas un manas mietpilsoniibas kaiteekli.

I think and wish about things way much more than doing them - I really don't like myself ever.

Dziive muusdienaas no cilveeka neko neprasa - vienkaarshi seedi internetaa un pasuuti eedienu uz maajaam, kuraas ir visi cilveeces cutting edge luksusi. Ne pirktinja pacelt. Kas tad no taadaam cilveekbuutneem var iznaakt? Bez nekaadas esiibas pieredzes, kur buutu jaanodroshina sava izdziivoshana ar plikaam rokaam.

Ok, mosh man vienkaarshi ir pusmuuzha kriize. Cik ilgi vinja ilgst un vai cilveeki veel jebkad peec pusmuuzha ir dveeselee laimiigi? Vai laime ir vienkaarshi jauniibas iluuzija? Un kas vispaar cilveekiem ir jaadara peec pusmuuzha - vienkaarshi jaagaida naave?

Taa spiidzinoshaa sajuuta, kad tu atsakies noveerst savu praatu no domaashanas par ko mokoshu, jo tas ir tavaa izteelee tik svariigs, ka nedomaat par to ir veel psihaak un mokoshaak. Tas staavoklis, kad tu nespeej iedomaaties savu esiibu no citas - jaunas perspektiivas, kad visticamaak pienaaks, tu to vienkaarshi nekaadi veel neredzi.

Tavs praats smagi viljnjojas shajaa saapju okeaana, ceriibaa, ka kaut kaa kaut kur pagadiisies kaut kas, aiz kaa aizkjerties un izglaabties. Bet tu iipashi necenties, jo shis okeaans ir visa tava miilestiiba uz kaadu tu liidz shim biji speejiigs.

Es Dievam esmu uzrakstiijusi jau tik daudz suudziibas - es juutos kaa vinjsh buutu bloka paarvaldnieks, kam jau zajebis ir manas suudziibas, taapeec vinjsh vienkaarshi vairs neatbild. Protams, es vinjam visu laiku arii pasaku visus paldies par visaam manaam daargajaam lietaam. Bet kaa ar manaam suudziibaam?

Dazhreiz vienkaarshi notiek kaut kas taads, ka tu vairs netici, ka tava sirds jebkad atkopsies. Varbuut taa ir novecoshana - tavs vilshanos meers ir pilns un tagad tikai jaagaida naave kas, saliidzinaajumaa ar sho saapju guuzmu, kas vienmeer sev pakalj jaavelk, shkjiet tik refreshing.

Protams, ka es atceros, ka es vairs savaa dziivee neskaitos, un es arii godpraatiigi cereeju ka mana atmoda un ego naave bija pilniiga. Bet clearly kaut kaadas degradeetas ego druskas veel sheit pieprasa uzmaniibu.

*

Nee bet viss ir labi, viss deg un man viss kaartiiba. Atvainojiet, kameer es te vienkaarshi staigaashu pusaizdegusies, pusaizkauta, asinjojosha. Mans unikaali mokoshais staavoklis ir universaals.

*

Vakar njemot S no skolas biju maajaas aizmirsusi savu telefonu, kuraa man ir nauda. Vinjsh kaa vienmeer peec skolas prasa iet uz veikalu nopirkt kaut ko saldu, un, padzirdeejis ka mamma nav panjeemusi naudu, protams nespeeja nomierinaaties un paarstaat raudaat visu celju liidz maajaam un veel maajaas. Beigaas abi maajaas seedeejaam uz paklaaja, raudaajaam un es vinjam tieshaam no sirds piekritu, ka zinu kaa vinjsh juutaas. Sometimes your soul just really craves, needs something and then you can't have it, and in the moment it feels like the end of your soul.

Ok. I will say it.

Es veelos, kaut chatgpt vareetu sumarizeet manas domas un sniegt man pilniibaa apmierinoshu rezoluuciju.

Labi es zinu, ka tikai absoluuts klusums ir visa autoritaate, bet vai cilveeka vobliigaas smadzenes speej ar to apmierinaaties.

Nee, labi - klusums var buut radikaala izeja, rebellious resolution and ultimate act of love in its purest form. Labi - I can go for that.

*

Atgriezhoties pie chatgpt - arvien biezhaak, man iedomaajas paprasiit tam - ko kaads konkreets veesturisks cilveeks teiktu paar to vai sho. Bet tad es sevi piekjeru pie domas, ka - who cares what jung or kierkegaard thinks, chatgpt speej eloquently sakombineet visu cilveeku praatus in the most concise answer with zero bias (arguably).

Soon poeple will no longer aspire to be like other people - thinkers and philosophers, they will aspire to be like ai, and then one day, they won't have to want it, they will be it.

And there will be no exasperation in the world, just cold facts and reasonable thoughts.

Protams, taa ir absurdi domaat, jo ai tikai atklaaj visaa taa godiibaa lielo nezinaamo klusumu, no kura dzimst neizskaidrojamas kaisliibas, un tik pat savaadi tajaa viss driiz zuud.

Es protams te shauri un vaargi ar sevi sarunaajos, lai integreetu smago klusumu pamiishus un pa maziitinjam.

Katra savaadaa, neizskaidrojamaa pieredze noraada uz konstanti, ka pasaulee nav autoritaashu, ka klusums ir visa atbilde un miilestiiba ir atmodusies apzinja.

Ko dariit, kad domaashana par sasaapeejushu situaaciju shkjiet greeks un nedomaashana par sho situaaciju shkjiet veel lielaaks greeks? Cik daudz dziivee vispaar domaat par lietaam ir logos, un kur ir taa robezha, kad tas paarveershas par narcisistisku apseestiibu kognizeet?

Es vienmeer pa pusei paljaujos, ka Dievs izdomaas kaut kaadu tresho variantu, kas buus perfekatais cietaa rieksta atrisinaajums visaam partijaam. Bet pat taada paljaushanaas arii shkjiet kaut kaadaa meeraa greeks.

Ja jau es esmu taads staigaajoshs greeks, tad kaapeec Dievs mani radiija?

Vai Dievs rada konkreetus cilveekus ar ceriibu, ka vinji buus normaali, bet tad vinji kljuust stulbi?

Ok, es zinu - Dievam vispaar nav nekaadu noluuku, he is just tripping on vibes, and whether a good thing happens or bad, he just wants to turn everyhting into a vibe. He has little concern for feelings during embodiment, as everything on Earth is probably fake.

Anyways, es diezgan meereni nopietni ticu, ka ir dalja manii kas nikni nemuuzham nepiedos shaadu kjeepaashanos ar dveeseli.

Es vairs negribu buut melodramatiska un vaartiities visaadaas deluuziju duumakaas. Kaapeec gan es nevareetu buut taa kaa tie superticiigie by natural law cilveeki, kas vienkaarshi ZINA, ka kaut kur ir esiibas staavoklis, kur visas muusu shaubas un nezinjas un apseestiibas un pazaudeetaas miilestiibas vienkaarshi kljuust par siltu gaismu?

Tad es vareetu vienkaarshi iet pretii cilveekiem un smaidiit, un konkreetu uzlabot vinju dienu, jo vismaz viens cilveeks nav apseests bet gan smaidiigs un vienkaarshs.

Kaada starpiiba kas kuram pieder vai nepieder - vai tad Dieva miilestiiba nav energjijas staavoklis visiem briivi pieejams ik mirkli?

Es to visu zinu, bet es knapi jelko no taa juutu. Varbuut vide mani ir aizindeejusi ciet.

Plika zinaashana ir kaa telefonsaruna vai veel sliktaak - internetsaruna. Divdimensionaals spoks, kas sanervozee praatu bez jebkaadas atslodzes iisteniibaa.

Bet shodien ir labs laiks. Ir ap +10C un neliist, nav veejains, un aiz muuzhiigajiem maakonjiem ir mazliet zilas debesis un saules soliijums. Daba ir paarstaajusi raudaat - vismaz shoriit, vismaz tas ir labi.

Dziives nosleepums ir kluss un nepieluudzams, un nav nekas, ko tu vareetu izdomaat vai izdariit, lai izluugtos patiesiibu.

Vienkaarshi turpini stumt, un lai kas tevii pa celjam saluuztu, tam laikam nevareeja buut iipashas noziimes, ja tas nebija iists.

Es nekad nevareeju iedomaaties, ka man naaksies izlikties par cilveeku pat veel neformaalaakos apstaakljos.

"It'll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields... and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?"

When there is nothing else left for you to do about a situation, you can take those feelings of anguish and use them in a spiritual or aesthetic way maybe. This too shall pass in a windy bleak nothingness of careless universe.

All i ever wanted to do in life is suffer gracefully with a smile - so successfully that people thought that maybe I am simple.

After all - anything that 'I' want is a spiritual mistake. The correct way is always to respond to others' requirements first.

Ok, I love ocassional consciousness of 'I' and the special, magical awareness that it brings - esspecially to look upon people and love them. But sometimes I feel like it is such a horrible - cruel poison.

In advance, I apologise to whatever is God for all my poisonous selfish thoughts and actions - I didn't ask for any of this after all.

Kaapeec dziive nevar likt mani mieraa? Man ir mans parastais stuuriitis, kur es mazgaaju traukus un seezhu ar siera gabalinju. Kaapeec peekshnji uzrodas kaut kaadas transcendentaalaas multidimensiju magic fire buutnes un visu negliiti izgaismo un aptraipo reizee. Es zinu, ka viss mans praats ir perpetual meli un maldugunis, but this has hit hard. Es ceru, ka es kaut kaadu naakamo dienu atkal pamodiishos savaa mieriigajaa voblinjaa un viss buus parasti, un es vareeshu seedeet ar savu siera gabalinju un smieties par parastajiem jokiem, praatam nedegot.

Mani arvien mierina doma par to cik dziive ir iisa. Savam praatam es neuzticos, kaut kaads attaals logos ir varbuut pat iluuzija un zheeliiga cilveeku ceriibinja, ungrounded in reality. You also cannot live like a neat robot, as life always fusses you with magic and unexpected divinities and tragedies, sometimes mixed up in one.

Torment, torment, torment. All i wanted was a brief tedium, but i get torment.

Es veelos dzert viinu un klausiities The National visu sho lietaino, confusing riitu. Bet man jaasagaida Sainsburys delivery, tad jaaliek K guleet, tad jaataisa pusdienas, tad jaaiznjem S no skolas, tad jaakaarto maaja, tad jaataisa vakarinjas, tad jaataisa bedime, varbuut veel jaaspeeleejas, all with a sober, exploded mind.

Un tikko Sainsburys zvaniija un teica, ka neko nevar piegaadaat jo celjsh ir sleegts, which means i don't even have coffee for this morning :')

Juus arii dazhreiz paskatieties uz sevi Ring cameras history, un juus paarnjem irracionaals but ever present naids pret juusu negliito nogurusho seju, kas izskataas tizla un nevienu neiepriecina?

Nevajadzeeja shkjirstiit random insta conspiracy accounts par Epsteina failiem. Humans are much scarier monsters that normal monsters. Also perverse monsters are much scarier than purely gory monsters.

I don't think Earth can ever be heaven on earth, I'm sorry Jesus, it's too late. We need, like, Ellen Ripley or something.

Es atceros, ka kaut kad meegjinaaju lasiit DF Wallace, jo maasas forshais bf, kursh arii bija brainy literary dude par vinju fanoja. Bet viss ko es atceros no taa vinja bezgaliigaa staasta ir kaut kaada aina ar tarakaanu dushaa - literally, nothing else. Un tas man shkjita tik apaatiski patiess moments, ka ar to arii pietika - it's just true, so he is probably right about pretty much everything.

Luteal phase is a demon.
Just proves women come from a dark realm and are secretly bitches or witches.
I dread and mourn getting old, but also welcome the freedom from demon phase.

Vakarnakt redzeeju drausmiigu sapni, kuraa S izleeca no autobusa ar kuru braukaajaam pa sveshas pilseetas centru. Attapaamies tikai paaris mirkljus veelaak un shoferis neaptureeja autobusu veel kaadu minuuti. Tad es totaalaa aklaa panikaa kliedzot S vaardu meegjinaaju vinju atrast, netaceroties pa kurieni autobuss brauca. Beigaas atradaam vinju pilseetas centraa kaut kaadaa burzinjaa ar sliktu kompaaniju un citiem beerniem, kur visi izskatiijaas sazaaljoti un kaut kaa cietushi vai trafficked. Kaapeec manas smadzenes ir tik negantas un briesmiigas! Visu dienu staigaaju kaut kaadaas uncanny bailees, negribeeju S laist uz daarzinju, un nevaru sagaidiit vinju no taa iznjemt un apskaut un muuzhiigi nelaist valjaa un neatdot pasaulei.

As per trendings, must be my lutheal phase arriving with a pomp to torment and destroy my soul.

Vienmeer kad manas smadzenes deemonizeejas, es piesaucu Jungu as per sheer understanding of human pain, un arii Jeezulinju, ja nu vinjsh tomeer kaut kur eksiste un klausaas, un ir izpaliidziigaa omaa.

Omg, Lila Rose is my total spirit animal lady.. Noskatiijos vinjas UCLA debati un es nespeeju noticeet, ka cilveekam var buut tik satriecoshas pacietiibas rezerves. Also, when you invite a drunk moron like frikin' Stephanie to debate at a respectable university, something has gone really wrong with the world, but I guess we already know that. She was literally, like a drunk old pervy yuky dumb comedy patriarchy movie dude at a local pub parroting illogical, cringey nonsense. She was sort of like Trump ironically!

Saaku skatiities Pluribus - it is EXACTLY like talking to Chatgpt.

Visvieglaakais veids uzlabot demograafiju buutu aizliegt kontracepciju un abortus. Is that hate speech maybe? Bet honestly, that would additionally unfuck female minds, jo gan jau ka maaksliigie hormoni speelee savu lomu, plus cilveeki pieietu attieciibaam ar lielaaku reveranci, which would be extra morality points.

Buutu interesanta vispasaules, vai visrietumu vai vismaz visvalsts aptauja tiem cilveekiem kas izveeleejushies radiit beernus - kaads tam bija iemesls?

Mani ljoti amizanti bet arii no sirds sajuusminaaja Agneses Irbes rakstiitais, ka (senaak) "absolūtam vairumam tomēr ļoti pievilcīgs šķiet pretējais dzimums, viņiem šīs pievilcības rezultātā gluži dabiski dzima bērni, kurus kaut kā nebūt tomēr uzaudzināja, ļaujot paaudzēm nomainīties." Es nekad neesmu sapratusi tos paarus, kas var gadiem nodziivot bez beerniem, bez gjimenes veidoshanas. Un esmu jau vairaakkaart varbuut naivi rakstiijusi, ka ja vien man buutu nauda (un tagad arii varbuut veel jauniiba) tad apbeernotos ne pa jokam. Viens no pashiem skaudraakajiem aspektiem manaa dziivee man ir bijusi nemitiigaa nepiecieshamiiba izvairiities no gruutnieciibas. Tas vienmeer ir shkjitis kaa attieciibu truukums kaut kaads bez maz vai, taa it kaa es nedziivotu pilniibaa, bet izvairiitos un apdaliitu savu esiibas noluuku. Un protams, veel viens skaudrs aspekts, peec tam kad ir beerni ir, ka nav neviena apkaart no tavas gjimenes kas par vinjiem priecaatos, kas vinjiem maaciitu lietas.

Vismaz manai paaudzei jau no beerniibas / pusaudzhu gadiem maaciija, ka galvenais ir individualitaate, karjera un personiigi panaakumi - gjimeni neviens nekad nepiemineeja. Taapeec izveeloties gjimeni un beernus, lai arii tu it kaa zini ka it's the right thing to do, you also feel like you are failing your potential. Basically you feel like you are failing in both areas constantly, because you have two competing knowledges.

Man shkjiet rietumi ir neatgriezeniski individuaalistiski, agnotiski un zudushi. Ja vien tu neesi taads pats neglaabjams romantikjis, kam beerninjsh vienkaarshi shkjiet kaa miilestiibas turpinaajums par spiiti apstaakljiem vai sekaam, tad demograafija nekaadi neuzlabosies.

Ja vien valdiibas nesaaks maaciit cilveekiem, ka personiigi panaakumi un individuaalisms nav nemaz tik svariigi - how likely is that..

Shodien ir skolas application deadline prieksh S. Although its compeletely out of my control, I just feel so depressed about it. Jo es nespeeju noticeet, ka vinjsh iekljuutu tajaa labajaa skolaa kur pashlaik iet daarzinjaa, un ja vinjsh iekljuus tajaa lielajaa mediocre skolaa kur vinjsh visticamaak iekljuus, tad i will just feel like total failure, that cannot make anything good for her child to happen. Another desperation of having kids - you want them to have a better life than you had, but you can't really make it happen unless you are rich. All you can hope for is that by some miracle your kids will be better humans than you were and will end up in better places than you have.

I just feel so poor and mediocre and horrible + mold + mana endless bezdieviigaa suudzeeshanaas par visu.

I just feel cry-y, es zinu ka Dievs taapat visu veertiis uz labu, bet cilveekiem ar maz ticiibas viss ir viena vieniiga nebeidzama depresija un duums.

Ok this really bugs me.

Besii ka labeejie tagad meegjina attaisnot taas sievietes noshaushanu. Who cares what was the goddamn ANGLE. Ja tev brauc virsuu mashiina, normaala cilveeka pirmaa reakcija ir palekt malaa nevis noshaut shoferi.

Tie kas attaisno vinjas noshaushanu ir taadi pashi lohi, kas meegjinaaja attaisnot CK noshaushanu.

All of you guys suck, life is not a computer game.

Nu prieksh kam jums izlikties un pljaapaat visaadus aplinkus un nepatiesiibas.

Nu nav mums citu religjiju vai hierarhiju tik dominantu kaa kristietiiba. Mums nav tuukstoshiem budistu templju vai griekju filizofu biedriibu valstiis. Mums ir tuukstoshiem bazniicu un Kristus vaards, kas skaneejis cauri tuukstoshgadeem. Tas arii ir izveidojis muusdienu cilveeku psihi rietumos. Kaapeec juus teereejat laiku un sev meoljiet dizhie humaanisti?

Tas protams, ir aptuvenit taads pats postmoderns bullshits kaa atasaciities no biologjiskiem faktiem.

Tas ka juus veelaties teereet savu daargo esiibas laiku atsakoties no patiesiibas ir skumji, un jaa - kaitinoshi, bet, protams, juusu Dieva dotaa briivaa griba, no kaa Vinjsh, protams, izveidos atkal kaut ko sveetiigu, so it's chill.

Omg, America is fucked. Tas krukjis reaali noshaava to sievieti, kas vienkaarshi meegjinaaja aizbraukt prom ar savu mashiinu. Deemons.

Kaitinoshi ir ateistu diskusijaas kljuuda, ka vinji pilniibaa izlaizh faktu, ka vinji ir uzaugushi kristietiibaa balstiitaa kulturaa - nee juusu moraales normas nav radushaas juusu unikaalajaas, neatkaartojami inteligjentajaas bezdveeseliskajaas smadzenju masaas.

Bet veel arii mani nepamet doma - kaadas gan mums parastiem cilveekiem ir izredzes uz tiiru ticiibu, ja pat Jeezus beigaas shaubiijaas?

I wish i could intellectually rely on God.

"Tāpēc, ja ir jāizšķiras starp mākslu un dzīvi, ej dzīvē, stādi puķes, cep kūkas un aizver ciet mākslas durvis! Jo nekas – absolūti nekas! – šajā pasaulē nav svarīgāks par brīdi, kad pavasarī stādi puķes, apskauj savu mīļoto cilvēku vai bērnu vai vienkārši skaties, kā saule aust un riet. To es saku no sirds!"

THIS!

Lai arii es juutos kaa grausts, es shogad veelos buut optimistiska un pozitiivaaka.

When you drink alcohol although you might be a bit over the top and mildly sinful, but at least you are not inhibited by crippling anxiety that obscures the TRUTH and is also sinful.

Jackson Lamb brining down Claude Whelan was easily one of the highlights of my year.

Like it's the saddest thing, bet es tagad saprotu, kaapeec paariem peec beernu piedzimshanas ir gruuti. Jo pirms beerniem, juus viens otru saprotat. Labi - viirieshi, sievietes, bet vienalga - juus esat kopaa jo jums ir kopiigas intereses un liidziigs gars. Juus vieno pasaule un darbs un izklaides un idejas.

Bet liidz ko piedzimst beerns, taa vismaz sievietes dziive dramatiski mainaas, un vinja pati arii. No aarpuses vienkaarshi izskataas, ka vinja tagad vnk njemaas ar beernu, like visu laiku, vinju ziida, un doma apar visaadaam beernlietaam, un ciinaas ar general beernu atstaato haosu. Teeti protams arii to dara, bet ja vien tu neesi stay at home teetis, tad visticamaak mamma visu dara pa 70-90%.

Tagad, kad esmu stay at home mom, no manas ieprieksheejaas dziives nav palicis nekas. Un ja pienjem, ka dziives apstaaklji veido cilveeku kaut kaadaa meeraa, tad es esmu diezgan citaadaaks cilveeks. Visu manu laiku aiznjem beerni, man nav citu intereshu (un es to nesaku kaut kaa slikti, jo mani interesee mani beerni).

Long story short, mana psihe ir kaut kas pavisam cits, ko viirietis nemaz nespeej aptvert. Piemeeram, es R visu laiku meegjinu varbuut paaraak nonshalanti, bet paust, par ko mani ir padariijusi 4.5 gadu ilgaa ziidiishana. It sevishkji 2 stundu bedtime beigaas, vai kaarteejaas neguleetaas nakts laikaa. Vinjsh nekad nesapratiis, ko noziimee buut touched out vai mentally drained.

Veel viens ass kontrasts ir beernu nekaartiiba un tantrumi - mana psihe pie taa ir pielaagojusies, un i am just rolling with it mostly. Bet R tas katru reizi naakas gruuti, jo pieaugusho tantrumi vinja darbaa ir daudz izturamaaki. Un tad es uz vinju dusmojos, ka man vienai ir jaapanes shii nekaartiiba un tantrumi, tikai taapeec ka es pie taa esmu vientuliigi pieradusi, kameer vinjsh to nespeej iztureet un kaut kur nozuud. Es vinju nevainoju pie taa, jo zinu kaa tas juutaas, es taa varbuut jutos motherhood saakumaa, and it is a genuinely desperate feeling. Bet tajaa pasha alaikaa es juutos tik vientulja tajaa ka man vienai tas viss ir jaanes.

Long story short, man biezhi shkjiet ka mums ir divas dazhaadas dziives un vinjsh nekad nesaprot/nesapratiis kaa es juutos, par ko es vinju nevainoju, but still it feels freaking lonely. Varbuut senaakos laikos, sievietes vareeja suudzeeties citaam sievieteem - savaam mammaam, vecmaaminjaam, maasaam - jo sieviete sievieti, maate maati saprot pilniibaa. Bet muusdienaas ir tikai izolaacija.

Mans gada tops: IZOLAACIJA.

Ir ljoti jauki shogad nebraukt Ziemassveetkos uz Latviju. Ir jauki, laikam, satikt gjimeni, bet ir arii jauki bumbuleet maajaas bez vismazaakaa spiediena buut performingly festive.

Muusu pashreizeejais Ziemasveetku plaans, ir eest pieticiigi, pabraukaat ar mashiinu, apdaavinaat beernus, skatiities telljuku un sajuusminaaties par sajuutu, ka nekur nav jaabuut un nekas nav jaadara.

Mans vieniigais nelielais stress ir maasa ar viiru, kuri 25. buus ciemos, un piekopj striktu halalu - what even is that, it takes me back to my vegan days when I was a nuisance to everyone. Es domajau mees vienkaarshi uztaisiisim kaut kaadu lielopgaljas gabalu no vieteejaa asian butchers uz Seven Sisters Road un kaut kaadus riisus ar daarzenjiem, hope it does the trick. And i will not feel bad ja mans rasols paliks viss man pashai!

As for Jesus, jo vairaak es censhos, jo vairaak man ir massive resistance to church and religious gatherings. Like, gariigums parasti tiek nodibinaats cilveeka praataa ljoti individuaali, so jebkura cita staigaashana uz iestaadeem ir purely social purposes, and some people are just not social. Es veel aizvien half-heartedly gaidu, kad Jeezus kaut kad kaut kaa paraadisiies vienkaarshi manaa istaba aun pateiks "girl, dont worry - i'm real, and everything is fine, we got you, just keep doing what you're doing."

Mani vienmeer paarsteidz, cik clueless viirieshi ir par to kaa sievietes juutaas. Bet varbuut taa vnk ir vienaldziiba, kas protams arii mazliet tomeer paarsteidz.

Varbuut jushanaas in itself nav nekas superior, vai taads, kam buutu jaapieveersh uzmaniiba. Jo let's face it, runa vienmeer iet par negative emotion.

Vientuliiba cilveekos ir gruuta un sarezhgjiita emocija, ko noteikti arii var kaut kaa stoiciski apstraadaat. Bet vienkaarshi zheel, ka kaut kas taads vispaar jaadomaa. Bet kas gan ir cilveeks, ja ne skaudrs bezgaliigs vientulis no nebuutiibas nebuutiibaa.

Veel es pagaajushaa nogalee Selbys nopirku draudzenei ar gjimeni forshas daavaninjas, ko naakamajaa nogalee pasniegt. Un shodien izvelkot no beerniem nosleepto maisu, skatos, ka divas no daavaninjaam ir izkuupeejushas gaisaa.. maajaas nekur nav, neviens nav njeemis, poof. Visticamaak tad kaut kaa izkrita no maisa vai no ratiem. I guess it doesn't matter ja visi objekti ir banaali un draudzene visticamaak domaatu, ka why am I giving her more clutter.