Choose Life.
You don't have to feel bad. You just have to feel that you know what you do.
Yo have to choose - whether you want to live in present, or in the past. Whether you want to be free, ocasionaly meet someone (you know who) and just stimulate living, or - to love. To love someone that you can access beyond screwing. Someone who could devote all your heart to you.
There are such persons around - just look. They are. There are a lot of people that could be worth your attention.
You just have to choose.
Dreams or reality.
Choose Life!
---
Karlos
P.S. And know what - I was quite angry and jealous, when you left ;) You really have that something that gets the attention. Or - you simply really are THAT bad.