On meeting Grandma for the first time.
Merry post-[insert holiday of preference], y'all.Back from the homestead (former) as of 2:00p today, and am presently feeling a) bummed, b) contemplative and c) very, very mortal. Despite a visit largely classified as Good, no amount of seasonal warm/fuzzies could cover up the fact that my grandmother has - mentally - all but completely disappeared. Understandably, this [alarmingly rapid] disintegration is having a profound and depressing effect on her family, especially on Mom, who - along with my Aunt Carole, representing the only two of Grandma's nine children who are willing to make the sacrifice, andafuckyoutotheremainder - has assumed the responsibility of caring for her 88-year old, Alzheimers-/dementia-plagued diabetic mother. The suspicion is that, when Grandma lost 2/3rds (seriously) of her blood last week due to internal bleeding, this may have triggered a stroke of sorts, which resulted in extreme memory loss. Seriously, I had to be reintroduced to her on Christmas. Reintroduced. I lived next to Grandma for 20 years. I grew up in her house and in her yard, and - as recently as late August - was responding to her inquiries re: Columbia, my job, apartment, life. Out of her 25+ grandchildren, I am one of three favorites (to include my sister, also requiring a reintroduction) specifically called out in her will. And yet my existence is a mystery to her. After Mom explained that I was her oldest daughter, Grandma stated that my face "looked familiar", but it was obviously that she was only being polite. Unnerving. While visiting Grandma typically involved a hug or two, I held back. After all, I was a complete stranger to her. And she didn't recognize her house of 60+ years, mistaking it as a nursing home (which was bizarre in itself, as Grandma has never even been to a nursing home) and demanding to be taken to the house that she grew up in as a girl. Her short-term memory is shot; she couldn't remember who had been to visit her earlier that day or whether she had eaten lunch. She cries when she gets confused and then Mom cries, because she doesn't know what she's supposed to do. For now, she's constantly walking around with a baby monitor - (Grandma lives next door during the day and stays at my parents' house during the nights) - listening to hear if Grandma chokes or falls or calls one of my aunts or uncles and asks to be picked up from the "nursing home". The baby monitor is on throughout the night and, if Mom has to leave to go to the store, Aunt Carole takes over. Mom wakes up early in the morning to check on Grandma and then again in the evenings, and takes her dinner and medication and - once again - patiently explains who she is and where Grandma is, all to the soundtrack of humming baby monitor. This is her life. See, and I don't even like Grandma all that much. When I was a kid, making Jell-O and playing Chinese Checkers with her, sure...I was okay with her. As an adult, however, I came to realize that she was a mean-tempered, racist, manipulative bitch who treated Mom like crap...and then I didn't dig her all that much, truth be told. So, now, I'm having a difficult time applying these feelings to this pitiful old woman, and so - surprise of surprises - the whole thing has me more sympathetic and upset than I'd expect. Seeing Mom go through all of this just makes it a thousand times worse. Christ...I can't even decide whom I'm more sympathetic towards: Grandma or Mom. They've both drawn a pretty rough lot.So...happy things, happy things: Grandma aside, I did have a nice holiday break. Spending time with the folks, sibling and dachshund is always good times. Even so, it feels nice to return to my apartment and Nathan Scott Phillips (who, at time of writing, is trying to nudge the iBook away in order to reclaim my lap). The Jon has called me from Texas almost every night since he left; holy goats, do I miss that boy. Scheduled to return to work tomorrow morning, which I'm strangely looking forward to, as E. is out of the office all week and I'm far more productive in her absence. For now, there's a X-mas tree to disassemble, ordered to be restored in the ol' habitat and a neglected feline to shower with both affection and apology. Will catch up on you lot in the morning. G'night!