i know i shouldnt, but i kind of dont care right now. i simply dont have anyone else to write to. i feel hopelessly alone, and i cant even express what i am feeling alone about.
i have this very much false feeling of Only if - if only i could describe precisely what it is that i miss, or how much I miss, or how bad or miserable it makes me feel - that you could somehow understand and come.. back. and come and say: aha, yes, now i get it. why didnt you say so?
it's such a totally stupid feeling. i guess it's just misery. it's not even love anymore, it's just misery and 'come back and mend me' episode all over again.