turning tables
sadness, this perpetual friend. i am young. i am healthy. but i am so sad. i am unseen. i am no one. i have no idea how my life will turn out to be.
i loved you beyond my abilities and you just left. everyone knows, no one cares. everyone hopes i will return to what used to be. but i can't. partly because i do not really want to, i never really like THAT girl, but partly because i just can't. i just can't feign that naivity and hopefulness. and physically, i am getting older. i notice things i never did before. maybe i'm just more attentive, but most probably i'm just objectively starting to roll downhill. oh well, we're mortals, aren't we. i don't know how to deal with it really.
i do not recognize myself. physically. i do not FEEL myself. and when you - when I - can't feel, i'm figuratively dead. this body - i know i have it but i don't know what to do with it. seems worthless to perfect it. i had such hopes for it. but now i just realize that it's in vain. i will never get what i had hoped for. those were the hopes of a hopelessly naive girl, true, but still - those were the only ones i knew. i never knew any better. and i'm afraid i still don't.
life is ridiculously short. so i better figure things out. soon.