Nošu burtnīca - hopelessly himself

Separate and unatoned, while the others were being fused into the Greater Being; alone even in Morgana's embrace - much more alone, indeed, more hopelessly himself than he had ever been in his life before. He had emerged from that crimson twilight into the common electric glare with a self-consciousness intensified to the pitch of agony. He was utterly miserable, and perhaps (her shining eyes accused him), perhaps it was his own fault.

(c) A. Huxley. Brave New World