| Anywhere out of this World |
[Dec. 28th, 2013|01:48 am] |
We scale the face of reason to find at least one sign
That could reveal the true dimension of life lest we forget.
And maybe it's easier to withdraw from life with all of it's misery and wretched lies.
Away from harm.
We lay by cool clear waters and gazed into the sun.
And like the moths great imperfection succumbed to her fatal charms.
And maybe it's me who dreams unrequited love, the victim of fools who stand in line.
Away from harm.
In our vain pursuit of life for ones own end,
Will this crooked path ever cease to end. |
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| I am the universe |
[Dec. 28th, 2013|01:30 am] |
As of late it almost feels like I've been taking happy pills without my own knowledge. I have this warm feeling of content running though my being, I feel this aura of positivity around me. Dust bunnies brushing against my feet.
This is not a matter to be taken mildly for I am known to be the depressingly raving idiot. The kill-joy. The cynic.
Is my personality really changing itself? Is it the seventh year again? Time to shed my old skin?
What lays behind these curtains? What stories shall I tell?
With this slowly changing point of view, I might allow myself to believe, that more practical things will alter along? Hopefully for the better?
It's been a long road and it's an even longer one ahead of me, so I would like to trust the stream to carry me into the lavender fields.
How much control should I let go? It's been hard letting go as much as I have and it is very little.. Will I ever defeat the "self"? Will I finally let it slip though my fingers and let it drown then and there to become a thing of past?
Will I finally carry though my journey to the top of the golden pyramid mountain? And, more importantly, will I be able to let go of it and descend it? |
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| Love is blind |
[Dec. 21st, 2013|09:59 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | witchhaus playlist on Felice Fawn's tumblr | ] |
My little heart leaps from just the thought of You. How can I be this headless? Even more headless that I've been before.
And I can never have enough of You. I will treasure the moments spent together, especially the ones sitting and doing nothing. Just being.
So why this pending thought of doom? What is this storm that seems to be brewing at the back of my mind? Why can't I be still? Why can't I be more patient? Less greedy with time?
Does this even have anything to do with You?
Does this even have anything to do with me?
Whatever the answers, I know this - You opened a door that was never opened and I'm thankful for that. You opened a treasure chest. |
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| Teach me the magic of your sacred poems |
[Nov. 25th, 2013|10:13 pm] |
..You see me as a place to make a bruise
But in my reality I'm a slave to the muse.. |
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| Doors within dreams are nightmares |
[Nov. 23rd, 2013|11:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | mistiskās sēras | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rudimental "Waiting all night" | ] |
Tālākā gaiteņa tālākajā galā, noslēptas zem aizkara, aiznaglotas, aizbultētas un aizķēdētas bija manas nelietotās durvis. Es iedevu Tev atslēgu un atvēru durvis, kas nekad nav bijušas vaļā - tikai priekš Tevis.
Tu palūkojies iekšā, ieraudzīji mazo lampiņu, kas mani padarīja aklu no sava spilgtuma. Tās stari sparīgi spieda no sevis ārā visu gaismu, mēģinot tevi sasniegt, un teici, ka tur ir tumšs. Ka man vajagot labāku, spilgtāku lampiņu.
Es zinu, ka negribēji.. Bet tas lika mazajai lampiņai noblāvēt un paslēpties zem stikla kupola - lai Tu redzētu vēl tās gaismu, bet netiktu tai klāt. Durvis bija vēl joprojām vaļā, bet lampiņa vēlējās noslēpties. Kaut aiz stikla, lai tik Tu neredzētu mazo, svaigo plaisiņu tās sānā.
Tai bija kauns, ka durvis bija atvērtas pirms tā bija kļuvusi pietiekoši spilgta priekš Tevis.
Man bija kauns, ka es iedomājos, ka tā kļuvusi pietiekoši spilgta.
Bet durvis bija vaļā un atlika vien cerēt, ka Tavas acis pieradīs un tā nešķitīs vairs tik blāva.
Jūtos it kā tīši netīšām izlējis ūdeni, un tagad es varu tikai skatīties, kā tas salīst starp grīdas dēļiem, un gaidīt, kad tas sāks pūt.
Man laikam nekad nebūt laimīgam pašam savā galvā. |
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| My mind is heavy under the weight of my thoughts. |
[Nov. 14th, 2013|10:06 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Manu Shrine "out"/"everytime" | ] |
You cannot be all and one at the same time.
Go away, Ego, I want to be whole with the universe.
I want to be the stars, the suns and the voids that it holds.
I want to be a tiny speckle of particle
and I want to be.. everything.
Dualities again.
Such is the human nature.
--
Why do we feel embarrassed? What reasons do we have to feel embarrassed? Imaginary vulnerability. A fake window we paint on our walls, that we, ourselves, actually believe to be real and others can actually get through. Time for a spring cleaning, no? Time to wash our walls and floors, and ceilings. Time to cleanse.
But where does all the dirt go? Into the cracks of the floor boards? Where it can mould and eat at the core unseen and undisturbed?
How can one get free? |
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| true colors |
[Nov. 7th, 2013|02:17 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Jack White "Freedom at 21" | ] |
Let me just wash away all my colors,
wash away my masks for you to see me..
for me to see that there's more than a black hole underneath.
Let the light shine through,
let the air run through the halls of this palace.
Let each door of it open for each thump of our hearts. |
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| alien |
[Nov. 2nd, 2013|09:01 pm] |
Mana paša seja dažkārt šķiet tik sveša un nepazīstama. Kā vecs skolas biedrs, ko tu satiec pēc vairākiem gadiem un tu redzi kā bērnišķīgos vaibstus nomainījusi svešāda seja, ko vēl neesi iepazinis.
Vai es sevi vēl pazīstu? Kas manī vēl ir palicis no.. manis? Vai toreizējo "es" varu saukt arī par šodienas "es"?
Kā lai cilvēks zina, ka ir sevi iepazinis? |
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| Loneliness is cancer |
[Oct. 23rd, 2013|10:47 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | When the levee breaks by Perfect Circle | ] |
Kāpēc esot kopā jūties vientuļāks nekā esot viens?
Sapnī tevi redzēju melnām acīm, bet te tās tev ir skaidras kā Karību jūras ūdens. Nez, kas slēpjas zem tās zeltainās smilts? Kādi vēžveidīgie grauž tavas domas?
Pārāk daudz jautājumu, pārāk maz atbilžu.
Jānogriež skaņa, lai varu sadzirdēt klauvējienus pie durvīm
"tuk-tuk tuk-tuk tuk-tuk".
Tik patīkami un mierinoši.
Tagad Pasaule var vienkārši beigties.
Esmu divās pasaulēs un vienā tikai eksistēju.
Kāds ir mans uzdevums?
Dod man iemeslu domāt. Dod man iemeslu darīt. Dod man iemeslu dzīvot.
Nē! Nē.
MAN jādod iemesls domāt! MAN jāatrod iemesls darīt. Un MAN ir jādzīvo!
Pietiks parazitēt uz svešu gribasspēku un iedvesmu.
Laiks līst ārā no ziemas migas, notraust čipsu paliekas un laiks dzīvot! |
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| Wind in my hair. |
[Sep. 21st, 2013|01:48 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | "On your feet or on your knees" by Motorhead | ] |
The 5 AM train to Wonderland.
And I'm on it.
Ir sajūtas par kurām tev nav ne mazākās nojausmas līdz brīdim, kad tu iekāp kādā situācijā un saproti, ka esi mainījies iekšēji un ārēji bez piekrišanas. Bet tevi tas nesatrauc, jo tu atrodies labākā vietā.
Upuri tevi vairs nesatrauc - iesi pāri līķiem un pats metīsies no kraujas malas, ja būs nepieciešamība.
Ja tik tā mazā balstiņa pakausī apklustu.. tad būtu bezgalīga svētlaime. |
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| Warlock |
[Aug. 28th, 2013|12:13 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Back to black by Will I Am & Beyonce | ] |
What is this madness?
What is this foul magic,
That lights this flame within my chest?
Tear me up like a tissue,
Throw me into the fire to burn.
I'm reborn, I'm reborn.
And here I dissolve into dust;
Step on me,
Make me whole. |
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| Piss on my heart, stab my brain and all other niceties |
[May. 31st, 2012|12:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | morāli griežu vēnas | ] |
Kāpēc šī vieta izskatās pēc tādas mēslu kaudzes? Atliek tikai uz brīdi aiziet un pēkšņi viss iziet no ierindas.
( ... tālāk ... ) |
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| Das Gespenst eines Flohs |
[Mar. 29th, 2010|12:51 am] |
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| Nuwaubianism |
[Mar. 29th, 2010|12:46 am] |
"The time and space relationship is linked to the human and Earth’s bio-rhythms, and that determines how many dimensions for a world, which in your case is a third-dimension reality, are up for grabs. This is dealing with the extra space we have in our time. Let me explain. The clocks on Earth used to have a "tick" and a "tock." Now there is only the "tick." So time has been changed, and that missing "tock" is up for grabs that can be utilized by extraterrestrial beings who overstand this "altered time," and they can come in and out of this dimension at will."
(D.D. York) |
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| Smird |
[Feb. 6th, 2010|01:16 am] |
Galva pilna mēslu. Jūtos paranoiskāks kā parasti.
Pēdējo stundu pavadīju pilnībā izniekojot miega laiku meklējot idiotiskas ikonas un pārtaisot žurnāla izskatu. Ilūzija, ka kaut kas no tā manā dzīvē mainīsies. Jāizbeidz šīs ārišķības. Pilnīgi liekas un nevajadzīgas. Jāsāk jauna dzīve.
Un kā jums labi iet? Īstenībā man ir smagi piedrāzt, bet patīk uzklausīt citu grūtsirdīgos stāstus. Tas gan arī man neko nemaina, vienkārši esmu sasodīti zinātkārs. Uzsūcu citu sāpes, pārmaļu un izvemju jums apskatei. Lai varat papriecāties cik grūti iet "citiem". Īstenībā jūs vienkārši skatāties spogulī. Paradoksāli. Intriģējoši. Un pilnīgi bezjēdzīgi.
Godīgi sakot (HA!), nezinu kāpēc šo visu rakstu. Gribās parunāties, bet nav ar ko. Jāizspļauj pāris "gudrības", lai varu sajusties par sevi labāk un man būtu ciešāks miegs (līdz šim man tā īsti gulēt nemaz negribējās (kas ir retums), bet tagad viss ir vecajās sliedēs).
Iedvesma, kuce, tagad atnāca. Piedrāzt, iešu gulēt. Tik un tā miršu vientulībā neko nesasniedzis. Censties nav jēgas. Vēl kādi 10 gadi un tad es varēšu "iet dirst". |
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| Ķermeņa prāts |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009|05:57 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | "De profundis" Raison d'etre | ] |
Tā vien šķiet - vergoju, vergoju, bet viss, kas paliek uz papīra ir vārdu un domu atraugas, kas nelīp kopā kā vajadzētu vai vispār bioloģiski nepanes viena otru. Kāpēc jāveic šie nogurdinošie lēmumi par labu kaut kam vienam? Kāpēc vienkārši nevarētu ņemt visu?
Kāpēc maksimālisms ir tik slikts, bet minimālisms tik labs? Kas devis šiem standartiem nozīmītes un lomu pasaulē? Visā šī struktūra mani fiziski un morāli nogurdina un iznīcina.
Lielāko savu mūža daļu pavadu savas domas hermētiski noslēdzot no apkārtējās pasaules, tajā pašā laikā spēlējot šo teātri un ieguļoties man norādītajos zārkos, aizpildot "savu vietu" dzīvē. Manas domas ir noslēptas tik dziļi, ka pats vairs tās nevaru sadzirdēt. Vai tas nozīmē "kļūt pieaugušam"? Aizmirst par sevi un nodoties "savu" lauciņu aizkrāsošanai? |
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| Gunslinger |
[Sep. 29th, 2009|09:27 pm] |
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"His teeth felt strange in his head, tiny tombstones set in pink moist earth." |
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| Blindness |
[Jun. 26th, 2009|11:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | nav nozīmīgs | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Carpathian Ridge by Michael Andrews | ] |
You'll see what they want you to see. |
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| and so it's clear... |
[May. 28th, 2009|03:13 pm] |
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3. The illness is chronic and frequently lifelong. |
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| vecas lietas, kas izbira kārtojot putekļainos plauktus (circa ~2000) |
[May. 25th, 2009|01:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | nostaļģija | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cantu (song of the Odyssey) by Karl Jenkins | ] |
"So beautiful yet so delicate... like butterfly wings... squeeze too tight and everything turns to dust"
---
"A city that thinks"
---
"Oh, the thirst,
Oh the hunger!
In my thoughts
I hear the thunder.."
---
"And again I sit
On the edge of a cliff
Look my eyes out
to find the motile
Alas! I spot my next prey
the feelings in me
go higher and higher
I jump very high,
Almost into the sky,
Focus my third eye,
and drop like a ray
Alas! I caught my next prey!
The feelings in me
go higher and higher
At last I may feast
My fangs do the rest
I rip open it's chest
and my feelings...
Alas! I eat my next prayer
The feelings in me
go higher and higher
And again I sit
on the edge of a cliff
I look my eyes out
to find the motile..
Alas! I've done it forever
the feelings in me
go lower and lower..." |
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