| back to school |
[Feb. 4th, 2013|06:09 pm] |
all in all no_sweat_day. woke up at 9:30, went to the swimming pool. enjoyed myself, showered..
then at 13:30 one lecture with mostly the organisational stuff and introduction into the subject.
no homeworks, no salsa [because fot beginners it's tomorrow and it's on!]
but tomorrow's schedule sends shivers up my spine. well let the good stuff begin!
p.s. we moved things around and now our room has lost some of it's space but it's more cosy and homy.. |
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| weird stuff |
[Jan. 23rd, 2013|07:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired of nothing | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | gordon | ] |
es nezinu, vai tu vari zaudēt samaņu no tā, ka tu pārāk strauji no rīta izkāp no gultas. bet that's kinda what happened to me. kgan varbūt es vnk izkāpu no gultas, nogāju 2 m un pa ceļam aizmigu?! that was weird un somewhat troubling.
anyway - contact to reality was reestablished within a minute. and i almost forgot about that, bet nākot back with my tea, pamanīju visus no galda nogāztos priekšmetus un bija tāds - hmm, did that really happen? |
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| loading... loading... loading.. ERROR! ERROR! |
[Jan. 15th, 2013|03:00 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | emotional | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | visi elpo + tukšs gaitenis | ] |
brīvdienās saelpojos par daudz skābekļa - tam bija vnk kreizī efekts uz manām smadzenēm, puskojas domā, ka esmu nojūgusies. well - ance is afraid of me.
best party theme idea ever - ir urlas. vnk next party i'll make - visi ierodas trenūzenēs un v alkogoličkah [ili kak govorjat v nashe vremja - bilankaj].
domājams. man būs dīvains sapnis šonakt. just talked to ance for 2 hours un all my thoughts are in a big bundle of memories hurtful and pleasant, fresh and old. people here and people long gone will visit me tonight. |
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| auga un manas kavētājsinapses |
[Jan. 5th, 2013|05:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lifted | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the angel's game [ab] | ] |
stpc - manai hiacintei ir alerģija uz mani. pa 4 dienām of my absence tā bija izaugusi vairāk nekā pa veselu mēnesi of my presence. besides - pa šīm 3 dienām, kuras esmu te, it has made no visible progress whatsoever. |
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| resolutions made on a train |
[Jan. 3rd, 2013|07:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | positive thinking | ] |
1# i will try to lead a healthier life, which includes a lot of potential up-grades like thinking about my nutrition, not in way of counting calories, but eating more vegetables and less chocolate.. it also includes being more active, moving a lot.. going to salsa with Ivan from Cuba.. dancing a lot.. this year will be the year of dancing. :) it also includes bringing schedule into my life, in matters of doing my homework on time and getting enough sleep. In a perfect world I would try to get up at 6:30 and to some stretching and go to sleep not later then midnight, which is considered to be normal in most parts of the world. so self discipline is the goal.
2# hopefully that will lead to some weight-loss. 5 kilos till summer would be awesome and 5 afterwards too.. but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
3# hopefully that also will lead to saving some money.
4# i will also be more active socially [could do more at the faculty] and more open minded towards people, especially guys.
5# and the last but not least -> i will spend more time doing creative stuff like drawing or fancywork..
[that's it] |
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| 2012 in retrospect |
[Jan. 2nd, 2013|11:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sevis ierakstītas fizio lekcijas | ] |
tas bija ļoti īss gads.
janvārī - pārstāju runāt with my best friend, iepazinos ar perfect guy.
februārī - dated the perfect guy, almost fell in love with the perfect guy, had my phantasies spit upon, atsāku runāt with my best friend sort of.
martā - nogriezu savus garos un cītīgi audzētos matus un pavadīju nedēļu čuhņā, kur bija daudz govis..
aprīlī - was kinda down, vetu dienas, ance mācīja man jāt.
maijā - "ogres kompass", jelgavas svētki - mainījām riepas un skatījāmies iejādi
jūnijā - sesija un jāņi, kurus neatceros. atvedu mājās henriju, my best friend left for Parī. Kevins nomira.
jūlijā - prakse klīnikā + 23rd bday, kuru neatceros + paģību truša operācijā + vecāku sudrabkāzas + pašrocīgi kastrēju kaķēnu + POSITIVUS + Robinzonu atnesa uz klīniku un es pārnesu viņu mājās.. [mājas pārveršas par ZOO]
augustā - still at the clinic. quality time with Ilze. and a magnificent week in France.
septembrī - school + clinic + ZOO visit + craziest party in our room.
oktobrī - school + clinic + M comes back + traditionally Sigulda + dated just a guy
novembrī - school + clinic + being sick and tired a lot + studentu dienas
decembrī - school + Z-svētku lietas: karnevāls, apsveikumi, dāvanas.. + iepazinos ar morga čali [should stop calling him that] |
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| broken person |
[Dec. 20th, 2012|02:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | learning | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | silence | ] |
cilvēki, kas mani pazīst, zina, ka es ikdienā vsp gandrīz nelamājos [krieviski]. tas ir pret kkadiem maniem iekšējiem principiem.
līdz ar to var mēģināt iztēloties - how pissed, angry and sick of it all I had to be to say: "pošla nah*j, s*ka, bļ*ģ!"
bet es to pateicu.. |
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| the happy week |
[Dec. 18th, 2012|05:16 am] |
Good morning! Or good night! Who cares?!
the happy week is too stressful to be truly happy. Well 2 to 4 h sleep sessions for 2 weeks aren't helping. Am tired and irritable. So much to do and so little time, my brain is too small. But I absolutely have to do it! All of it! |
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| who's afraid of cows? |
[Dec. 7th, 2012|01:06 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | les miserables [ab] | ] |
ir dīvaini apzināties, cik ļoti priecīga es šodien biju auskultēt govis. that just made my day.
parunāties ar viņām, paglaudīt.. feel their hearts.. ļaut nolaizīt savas rokas un sajust, kā tā tiek ievilktas mutē.
govis ir foršas. govis ir back. un i missed them.
[rīgā nav govis]
un arī zirgi the day before that bija forši..
as i said before - my life is awesome, i love it. |
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| mani nekas vairs nepārsteidz |
[Dec. 5th, 2012|09:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | morāli izvarota | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | mumford and sons - awake my soul | ] |
gāze mikrobioloģijas laboratorijā beidzas reizi trīs gados..
vai tas, ka viņa tā beidzās tieši mūsu grupas labora laikā, mani pārsteidz?
Nē! |
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| i saw a ghost. i was a ghost. |
[Nov. 23rd, 2012|11:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | still ill | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | TEB atkārtojums sievietēm | ] |
neskatoties uz to, ka ir redzēts gan sixth sense, gan the others, gan daudz citas analoģiskas filmas, man tomēr līdz pašām sapņa beigām nepieleca, kāpēc tie visi cilvēki mani neredz.. laikam jau tāpēc, ka tie bija visi mājinieki and nobody wants to believe all your family dead.. un gordonam es vnk piedēvēju paranormālas spējas, kā jau sunim. bet tad it all came to me in flashes, kā jau filmās klasiski notiek - all the signs to prove them dead. un it was in b&w.. tā kā sapnis ar specefektiem.. |
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| šodienas secinājums: |
[Nov. 10th, 2012|11:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired and happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | queen - you're my best friend | ] |
ja tavi pupi ir lieli un pakaļa arī, tev jābrauc uz Igauniju pirkt drēbes, jo tur tu jutīsies kā normāls cilvēks. |
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| Good morning folks! |
[Nov. 10th, 2012|02:48 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | back to sleep | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | u2 - sometimes you can't make it on your own | ] |
Just had another of those dying dreams again. Nezinu, būtu bišku māņticīgāka, sāktu uztraukties.
īpaši ņemot vērā, ka apm. pussekunde šķīra mani no collision with an at least 60 km/h going car un man pat nebija austiņas. Īstenībā es pat nesapratu, kas notika and moved on. un tikai like 15 minutes later, man palika weird.. one more step and.. apziņa, ka death is permanent.
Un visos no šiem sapņiem es kinda zinu laicīgi, that my days are numbered.. un visos gadījumos es reaģēju vienādi -> I laugh, un visās reizēs tas notiek tuvāko 4 gadu laikā, before I get children, kas vnm ir the only thing I regret before dying. fun.
_____________________
I believe in childhood. I believe it matters. |
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| rīt es ņemu akadēmisko dienu.. |
[Nov. 9th, 2012|10:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | pointless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | watching arrow | ] |
Can't escape the idea, that we used to be Meredith and Cristina, but we're not anymore. I don't know who we are. I guess we're us. It's like - I have this idea of the world in my head and the real world doesn't fit that idea, and the funny thing is -> I care.
Caring is weird and painful - it's so much easier to be indifferent, bet arī indeferentajam kairinātājam izstrādājas nosacījuma reflekss. Kinda sucks! Life isn't supposed to go the way you expect it, it just goes on like the show.
Quoting John: 'When you find that one person who connects you to the world, you become someone different, someone better. When that person is taken from you, what do you become then?'
Then there's that another thing. I've started to think those people to whom I related in my meanness, whom I looked up to and thought they understood me better than my own mother.. I've started to think them mean, because there must be some kind of line, tolerance and pity. Un the weird thing is - I'm the one, who has pity and is disappointed. I've been disappointed to often lately [caring does that to you], and my buried trust issues start to come up, not sure I trust anyone right now.
Life goes in circles, and I think another one is coming to it's end for me. Or maybe I started to like myself.
p.s. it's all very good and wise to accuse people of not being good enough people, but what have I done to be otherwise myself?! |
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| joy of living the life i'm living |
[Oct. 11th, 2012|11:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | adele - skyfall [again & again & again] | ] |
the years of drama are over.. it's time for action. :D var smieties, bet tā sanāk. last movies i've seen on the big screen -> The Dark Knight Rises and The Bourne Legacy. Next one is Skyfall [Gee, I'm going crazy for that one.. for no particular reason. i just can't wait.] Un tagad vēl šis seriāls, kurš savā plotlinā iet pārāk paralēli Betmenam, lai varētu safārēties, bet action is what is not missing there..
Vsp jau life is also about action :D Piem. šodien bija ļoti laba diena, ja neskaita kārtējās 3 h miega, ūberforšās lekcijas un praktisko katastrofu nodarbību, kurā mēs rēķinājām, cik tālu pie konkrētā vēja var izplatīties ķīmiskā saindēšanās mākonis, un vai tas apdraud mūsu fakultāti. Visādi citādi - palpēju un auskultēju vienu kucēnu, divas kaķenes, vienu kaķēnu un vienu zirgu [hā, which i'm kinda proud of - jo es arī tiešām dzirdēju.. gan tikai diastoles, bet still]. tad pati noņēmu sev asinis analīzēm - grupas un rēzusa pārbaudīšanai [ārpus nodarbību laikā.. jo vnk nebija ko darīt :D un tā kā tētim ir negatīvs, gribēju pārliecināties..] un tad did some magic with my scalpel.. i just dig it. taisījām galvas nervu preparātu. pluss tad mājās noskatījos DogTown raidījumu par suni ar vienu sen amputētu kāju, kuram nenormālākās gurnu problēmas, ka īsti vairs nestaigāja, un magic doctor and canine hydrotherapy. So really good day :)
Un vakar rakstījām kolokviju pie Bundzeļa degļiem, kas silda laboratoriju. vsp diezgan gotiska atmosfēra. tādas liesmas uzgrieztas, ka tik lapas nesadedzini. |
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| what doesn't kill you - makes you stronger |
[Aug. 4th, 2012|10:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | õsām | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | septiņcīņa sievietēm 800 m skrējiens | ] |
I totally feel like a heart patient. I go out to walk my dog. I'm not wearing a bra to be able to breathe. And I am able to do that. I breathe slowly, feeling the cool air fill my lungs. I'm spending the second loneliest day [maybe not in my life but feels that way]. I keep looking for familiar faces in the windows of the neighboring house: the fat sex obsessed guy isn't smoking on his balcony, the couple with the newborn baby boy is out, the musicians are in blowing some kind of pipes, the split up couple is still split up and their photo is still on the ground beneath their window. [all details about these people are just a result of my imagination]. Then I see a guy sitting on the steps of a closed school and writing in his notebook. A smell of roasting meat fills my nostrils. Two little boys play ball on the empty street. We go to say 'Hi' to some of our dog friends behind the fences, I bend to pet one of the dogs, straighten up and it all goes dark, I stand there panting, heart pumping blood with extra effort. I stand for a while and we go back. Boys seem to loud, smell of meat makes me sick, [the guy is still writing, but I hardly notice], walk home seems to be extremely long, I come back and fall on my bed, sweating, breathing loudly as if I had a panic attack. Nobody is at home, so I tell myself everything is gonna be alright, stand up, wash the dog and make myself some fresh peppermint tea. I hate being so useless and feeble. Just hate it, the hard breathing, the sweat, the sickness. It's not me. |
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| feels like dying |
[Aug. 3rd, 2012|03:41 pm] |
Rakstīt blogu telefonā ir totally new experience. Bet esmu bedbound un no datora acis krīt ārā.
Bāc, es jau piekusu turēt telefonu. So feeble I am, after a walk to the kitchen for some water I lay panting and sweat is streaming down my forehead. 38,6°.
Bet mans suns ir uzticīgākais suns ever. Visu dienu nekāpj ārā no manas gultas, pat nav aizgājis paēst? |
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| schooling system sucks |
[Jul. 13th, 2012|09:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | a clash of kings [ab] | ] |
They put psychology on our schedule, but they never really teach it.
What they taught was more about my life as a student, about fighting laziness, planning time, something about my personality.. but what should have taken a point of - was death..
Some said that all we'll have to do is to euthanize more than save lives, but I was alright with euthanasia, because it's stopping the suffering of the poor animal. But I really never thought of the owners. Oh, dear God. There was a woman, who came with her 20 year old cat, looking thin as a fiddle [well worse - skeleton in a skin sack and its intestines just hanging under the skin..] She was ready, well almost, as ready as they get, and she cried.. and I thought I would cry too, but I held it. Today there was a man, whose dog's liver is failing, there's fluid in the abdomen cavity, it's hard for him to breathe, because of the pressure the diaphragm makes on the enlarged liver. And the doctor said he has 50:50 chance, but still she introduced the subject of putting him to sleep, gently, not as a suggestion, but as an anti-suggestion [like -> he asked: is there a point in fighting? and she said: well, you wouldn't put him down now, would you? [or something like that]], but still it was there in the open, spoken out loud. And that 50-something year old man so buoyant and strong yesterday, that man cried, he sobbed, he tried to hide it, he went out on the street now and again, he was ashamed.. And that hurt me to watch.. Because this dog has been his friend for the last 12 years.. his family, him being divorced and having no children. I felt so incredibly sorry for the human, but there being no possible intimacy between us there was nothing I knew to say. no way to reassure him.. And his belief was fading on our eyes, and I believe it's important to believe in the best, because believing in the worst won't do you any good anyway, but believing in the good might make it ok. Well if the dog lives through the night, there still is the 5 day period for liver get back on track.. after that..
Well - my point still is - they should teach you about death.. and why, oh why are people so afraid to talk of it??!!
p.s. besides I have problem with men crying, it makes me feel so powerless and painful and sad.. |
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| kurš nu būtu domājis |
[Jun. 26th, 2012|09:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tīred | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | morning birdsongs [kaitinu papagaiļus] | ] |
mana jaukā & mīļā papagailīte izrādījās blood craving bitch. totally.
vakarā piesēdinātais draudziņš mierīgi pārnakšņoja būrī, bet 6 no rīta viņa sāka nabadziņam uzbrukt un izknābāja spalvas ap acīm [moš went for the eyes???!!!] un pēcāk, kad es sadalīju būri 2 daļās, iekoda viņam kājā.. un viņš asiņoja altogether 4 vietās.. turklāt viņa iekoda arī MAN!!! un es arī asiņoju :D tā kā iekoda pamatīgi, nevis ieknieba (chuckle)
omītei Henrijs patīk labāk nekā Karluša, viņa gatava viņu kādam atdot :D bet šis ir wild un uz rokām vsp neiet, slikti lido un no visiem baidās, jo jau pieaudzis un tik būra dzīvi pazīst, kas makes me sorry to change him for another [turklāt es neticu, ka cits Karlušai patiks labāk]
***
2 dienas braucot sabiedriskajā transportā man uzmācās kkādi pensionārveidīgi vīrieši. vakar pat kāpu uz sēdvietas un lecu vienam pāri, jo viņš lika savas rokas man uz ceļiem un kad piecēlos ķipa izkāpt, nelaida ārā. besides pārējiem pasažieriem bija totāli pofig. wtf??!!!
***
stīpa man nebūs, jo paliku 7.ā.. bet tas arī nav slikti.. sort of. jāmēģina dabūt kāda no krutajām, pa 100 :D
vsp aizbrauciens līdz Jelgavai mani izsmēla un i'm already in my pajamas, bet man ir noplīsušas austiņas, kas ir nāve.. jo my audiobook is in it's peak.. |
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| the ornitologist's wife |
[Jun. 25th, 2012|03:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | gūd mūd | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the son of ice and fire [a-book] | ] |
today I was struck by a revelation that I'm very feminine at heart.
aizvedu savu velo-zirgu uz darbnīcu 'Vellapēda' which you must admit is one hell of a name.
čalis bija kinda jauns (max 30).. un kauperīgs.. un vsp ļoti patiktu annai un madarai - ne tikai kedu un rudo matu dēļ. [vsp varētu būt arī viens no Vīzlijiem :P] viņš veselas 10 min demonstrēja man savu seksīgo pakaļu, pumpējot kameras un pārbaudot bremzes. visnotaļ velo vnlg bija jāatstāj til tomorrow.
kamēr viņš tur ņēmās, es apskatīju kādus desmitus salauztu un sataisītu velosipēdu, kas bija viss, kas tajā telpā bija, ja neskaita ratiņus ar guļošo bērnu, jo viņam obviously bija 'bring your daughter to work day', kas bija ļoti jauki. un nonācu pie slēdziena, ka es itin neko no velo nesaprotu, tāpat kā no mašīnām, ieročiem, futbola and stuff. es saprotu about - art, literature, cultures, languages, textiles, handcrafts [es adu, tamborēju, izšuju u.tt.], food and cooking.. and that's all really feminine stuff. beigās izdomāju, ka es būtu tīri neko sieva :D
citi labie darbi šodien:
1) beidzot biju ārā, izliju [un joprojām klepoju, naktī bija vnk kkādas stulbas lēkmes]
2) Karlušai atradu partneri, braukšu pakaļ vakarā
3) sarunāju klīniku - yahoooo!!!!! |
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