16 November 2016 @ 09:31 pm
the only meaning is shared meaning  
es shii gada laikaa pa iistam ar kaut kaadiem cilveekiem esmu runaajusi varbuut dazhas reizes tikai. paarsvaraa viss laiks paiet klusumaa, taadaa kaa limbo, kur man pa muti naak aaraa kaut kaadi simtsreiz atkaartoti vaardi, un citiem man pretii arii, kameer acis ir vai nu oblivious to this profound lack of meaningful connection, vai arii avoidant..apologetic..disgusted..pained..irritated..blank..given up

es neatceros, ka man senaak tik ljoti prasiijaas peec meaningful connections, peec runaashanas. es vienkaarshi veelos ar kaadu apseesties un netrauceeti runaat stundaam, visu peecpusdienu un vakaru, nakti, riitu. mana eksistence paiet, un es nezinu kas shis ir un es nevaru par to runaat. vieniigais, ko es varu dariit, ir sheit aprakstiit kaa tas izskataas un juutaas, as a quick, petty fix. senaak shkjiet es visu laiku pavadiiju savaa galvaa, nostiprinot kaut kaadas elaborate teorijas, klishejas par dziivi. bet tagad taam vairs nav nekaadas veertiibas, taas var dariit ko grib, iet, naakt, mani manipuleet, vienalga

es juutos kaa zombijs, katru dienu darot vienas un taas pashas lietas. es arii pilnasiniigi izjuutu to sorry fuck definition of what 'language games' are

dziive shkjiet mieriiga un normaala, bet tiek aizvadiita absoluutaa klusumaa. es shogad esmu runaajusi ar kaadiem cilveekiem meaningfully varbuut tikai dazhas reizes, and i am deranged, ravished by hunger for this

un tragjiskaakais nav tas, ka man ir jaaizdziivo bez patiesaam sarunaam un patiesaam saikneem ar cilveekiem, bet pati ideja, ka man turpmaako dziivi jaamotiveejas, jaaveelas, ka vajag, izdziivot shaadi. jo es neveelos. it kaa vajadziiba izdziivot ir laba lieta, bet shajaa gadiijumaa, ir creates a crunchy, squeazy, wretchy, empty feeling in heart

manas situaacijas kljishejiskms ir maxed out, bet atrodoties sheit, milziigaa, crowded pilseetaa, mazaa dziivokliitii, klaustrofobiskaa metro ar cilveekiem un cilveekiem un cilveekiem, ejot, sakot, darot, smaidot, rakstot, guljot, es tik pat labi vareetu atrasties uz meeness. es sliidu cauri laikam un telpai, bet kaadu cilveeku pa iistam satieku tikai paaris reizes gadaa vai nekad

es sho nicinu, es nicinu savu veelmi shaadi izdziivot
 
 
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cimone[info]cimone on November 16th, 2016 - 11:55 pm
time for changes
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[info]methodrone on November 17th, 2016 - 08:06 pm
it's been time for changes for a few yearz now..
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cimone[info]cimone on November 21st, 2016 - 11:50 am
But there is also another element in conscience, or, if you like, another kind of conscience, which we all have either weakly or strongly. And this is the “intrinsic conscience.” This is based upon the unconscious and preconscious perception of our own nature, of our own destiny, or our own capacities, of our own “call” in life. It insists that we be true to our inner nature and that we do not deny it out of weakness or for advantage or for any other reason. He who belies his talent, the born painter who sells stockings instead, the intelligent man who lives a stupid life, the man who see3 the truth and keeps his mouth shut, the coward who gives up his manliness, all these people perceive in a deep way that they have done wrong to themselves and despise themselves for it. Out of this self-punishment may come only neurosis, but there may equally well come renewed courage, righteous indignation, increased self-respect, because of thereafter doing the right thing; in a word, growth and improvement can come through pain and conflict.
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cimone[info]cimone on November 21st, 2016 - 11:51 am
(Abraham Maslow)
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