Muusu kakjis ir vissuperiigaakais kakjis ever. Mees abi esam samiileejushies liidz ausiim un nevaram nomierinaaties, cik ljoti miilam muusu kakji.

Es paarstaaju lietot shampuunu kaadus 2 vai 3 meeeneshus atpakalj, taa vietaa matus mazgaaju ar pliku uudeni. Un ziniet, kas notieka? Mati aug nereaali aatri un ir visveseliigaakie ever. Peern peec Burning Man naacaas nedeelju mazgaat un paarmazgaat ar kondicionieri, lai atmezglotu sausos kunkuljus, shogad pietika vienreiz ieliist dushaa. Iisaak sakot, metiet aaraa shampuunus.

Izbimbaajos taa no sirds. Ak, ja vien es zinaatu iistos vaardus, kaa paskaidrot, ko multeniite sirsninjaa pamodinaaja. Tik daudz vienlaikus.

Nu ja. Prasiiju jaunu dziivi, prasiiju savu patiesiibu, un dziive to arii sniedz. Laiks augt.

Peedeejo meenesi sapnjos visu laiku kaadu nogalinu. Nu, netiishaam, bet kaads mirst manas riiciibas deelj. Interesanti, vai tas ir saistiits ar aizrautiigo jogoshanu, un cilveeki, kas mirst, ir staasti, kas man vairs nekalpo.

Ir manu draugu lokaa puikinjsh Alans. Vinjsh raksta runaajamaa vaarda dzeju.

Breathing

If you ever wish you didn’t forget that you were breathing.

If you have very little faith in fortune tellers, and even less in rear view mirrors,
then maybe we both just want to find people we can fart in front of,
people who don’t speak through filters like cigarettes.

And maybe we’ve both smoked only one first cigarette
and more than one “last” cigarette.
And maybe we both live in fear, the way fish live in water:
we breathe it, and we forget most of the time
that we can only move forward if we push against it.

But sometimes we remember,
and that’s why we’re here, on a coffee date,
sitting across from someone who is mostly a stranger,
but still hoping that their eyes,
or their hands or their words
will save your life, will say that they like you,
will say that they want you,
will say that we, we can’t give our hearts out whole
because we’ve both left too many pieces in too many people,
but, maybe,
we can at least each walk away with some small part of the other.

And you,
you will say nothing anyway,
knowing that one day, when you’re drinking or thinking too much,
you’ll remember this feeling
of wanting to hold someone but fearing to reach

because their eyes are one-way mirrors
and you can’t see what they see in you—
because maybe
you’ve ripped out too many pages of yourself for other people’s scrap books
and you don’t know if your spine holds together a story worth reading anymore.

I’ve tried to love someone else who was easier to love than myself,
so I know that sometimes today feels like an empty mailbox,
and you need a better reason to get out of bed than having no other choice.
Because instead of pushing silver dust our veins are just pumping this dark salty stuff
that will never see the light of day—
when we die, they’ll have us pickled, prettied up and placed on linen
before we even have a chance to stink.

But no matter how angry you are that most of this,
even most of this,
is just air,
remember that people are just waterfalls,
and we’re all falling toward the same thing.

Remember that sometimes leaves look like upsized golden confetti in sunlight
and trees stand up on their tip toes all day and all night
like toddlers trying to reach for something;
it only takes one beautiful thing
to make stepping out of your head today worth it.

So if I’ve ever watched you in a museum while you’re looking at a painting,
or if you spend less time in museums looking at paintings
than staring at the people who are looking at paintings,
you should know
that I want nothing more than to watch you step though all this empty space
and actually touch something beautiful, and hold on to it,
like it isn’t just the most obvious thing to do.

And it’s harder than it sounds. I know.
because I’ve been trying to try to
but every time I think I’ve found God, he melts on my nose like a snowflake
so I’ve been packing cold dirt in my mouth and wearing headphones
because I am too tired to talk anymore
and I can’t sleep to the sound of my own heartbeat
so sometimes it is just easier to have somebody else’s voice in my head.

But it’s amazing what silence can do.

And if you ever decide to put broken pieces back together,
I hope you at least fill the cracks in with gold.
It’s the broken places that make us beautiful,
and you should shine through them.

I’ve been throwing poems at the things that are far too far away for me to actually touch,
like you,

and keeping my eyes closed
so matter which way I walk
it always at least feels like I’m moving forward.

But, some days, I still stand still,
and rock on my rusty heels
and breathe,
letting this now take over
instead of reaching for the next one.

And you,

you are welcome to come breathe with me.

You are always welcome to breathe with me.

Sapnjoju, ka esmu staavoklii, bet tad atcereejos, ka man ir spiraale, uztaisiiju gruutnieciibas testu un izraadiijaas, ka neesmu gan. Labi, ka taa, jo nez kaapeec beerna teevs bija kaut kaads dzheks, ko tikai nedeelju deitoju.

Vakarnakt sapnii redzeeju Londonas Tomu. Shodienas horoskops saka "Venus joining Dr Chiron on the South Node makes for the perfect week to relinquish resentment and old loves. But part of the healing IS to re-live or feel the love/loss all over again. It helps that your ruler Mars is in the Vision Sector. Putting your story in a broader context works brilliantly."

The Egg
By: Andy Weir

You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.

Atkal Drjuu manos sapnjos lien. Shoreiz mees ar Kregu kopaa tirinaajaamies prieciigi, un Drjuu piegaaja man klaat un apskaava mani ljoti ljoti, un teica, ka vinjam manis pietruukst. Man liekas, ka es vinju atstuumu, jo reakcija bija, "blje, nelien man klaat, kaa es shito Kregam tagad skaidroshu?"

Vakarnakt paaris blokus no maajaam redzeeju uz ielas jenotu! Jenots bija aptuveni ziidainja izmeeraa, vinjsh aptinaas ap koku kuram blakus es nostaajos. Mees saskatiijaamies, un vinjsh aiztinaas prom.

Man liekas, ka redzeeju Drjuu sapnii. Shoriit pamodos ar milzu diskomfortu. Naak veemiens.

Esmu iesaakusi jaunu vingrinaajumu - katru reizi, kad kaads mani nokaitina, es censhos saprast, kaapeec mani notikushais vareetu kaitinaat. Koliidz saprotu, kas ir saknee, uzreiz viss paariet. Piemeeram, saakaam kaut kaa kjiiveeties par to, ka es, redz,, taapat kaa vinja drauga meitene visu laiku iepeerkoties Wallgreens, bet es pilniigi noteikti neiepeerkos tur visu laiku, pietiekoshi biezhi, jaa, bet kur tad veel pirkt tualetes papiiru 4-istabu dziivolim atbilstoshaa daudzumaa? Iisaak sakot, baigi saabizhojaamies viens uz otru par pilniigu stulbumu un rezultaataa ietiepiigi viens ar otru nerunaajaam kaadu pusstundu (lasiit - spiitiigi blenzaam katrs savaa telefonaa). Mani telefons aatri nogarlaikoja un es saaku domaat, kaa situaaciju aatraak nokaartot, lai mees vareetu kaut ko interesantaaku padariit. "Marina, kaapeec tu shobriid tik ljoti sabozusies par taadu siikumu?" jautaaju sev, "Kas tajaa teikumaa tik kaitinoshs?" "Man nepatiik buut saliidzinaatai ar citiem cilveekiem, jo es domaaju, ka es esmu labaaka par vinjiem," kaut kur no zemapzinjas izliida atbilde. Idiote. Protams, ka es neesmu labaaka par citiem. Es neesmu iipashaaka vai kaa taa - tas mans mazais egoistinjsh censtaas izlauzties. Vinjam gandriiz izdevaas!

Mees varam buut atbildiigi tikai pashi par savaam juutaam. Jebkuraa situaacijaa mees izveelamies, kaa mees reagjeesim, ko mees jutiisim. Katru reizi, kad es to sev atgaadinu, es iemaacos kaut ko jaunu par sevi. Gandriiz it kaa pa vienam atsietu mezglus. Nav taa, ka man ego nav vispaar, vinjsh noteikti tur veel lec paari ugunskuram, bet taa vietaa, lai akli sekotu vinja padomiem, es censhos vinju iepaziit un saprast. Iepaziistot savu ego, es saprotu labaak sevi un, godiigi sakot, esmu krietni laimiigaaka. Kaut kaa taa.

( BONUS MATERIAL! - Dear Human by Courtney Walsh )

Man patiik doties misijaas uz veikalu atrast kaut ko ljoti specifisku maajoklja uzlaboshanai, mazgaat velju, mazgaat traukus, tiiriit istabu un biidiit meebeles, mizot mandariinus un organizeet papiirus, klausiities juuras shalkonju vai muuziku un rakstiit visu, kas ienaak praataa, gleznot, skatiities saulleektus un saulrietus, dejot, nodarboties ar jogu un vispaar kusteeties, luugties, kluseet.


Mediteejoshas nodarbes ir gandriiz viss, ko ikdienaa daru. Nav briinums, ka esmu tik miermiiliiga.


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Par peedeejo gleznu iipashs priecinjsh

Man liekas, ka visas atbildes ir atrodamas meandraa.

Smiekliigi. Nodomaaju par Drjuu vakar un vinjsh atnaaca apsveicinaaties sapnii. Man liekas, ka vinjam ir prieks par mani.

Un krashs paargaaja.

Man ir krashs uz vienu diidzhej-puikinju. Es zinu, ka tas krashs uz neko labu nenovediis un tikai sapisiis man praatu, bet, nu, taa kaa nekas starp mums nav noticis un viss ir tikai muusu galvaas, ceru, ka varbuut shii neplaanotaa saikne vismaz iedvesmos draudziibu.

Toma duudinja arii grib preceeties BM 2017. Vareetu pilniigi noteikti taisiit dubultkaazas.