Labi, nav jau taa, ka suudzeetos, bet shis darbs ir taads patizls. Lielais haips paargaajis un tagad ir skaidrs, ka neviens nezina, ko dara, un es esmu nostaadiita kaut kaadas glaabeejas lomaa. No viens puses forshi vis kaut ko iemaaciities, no otras visu laiku jaaizgudro viss pa jaunam. Un taa vietaa, lai uzlabotu lietas, viss tiek celts no nekaa. Pie tam esam iespruudushi kaut kaadaa catch 22 ciklaa. Bet plaans vienmeer bija pastraadaat pus gadu, nomaksaat vecus reekjinus un tad skatiities taalaak. Taa kaa neko, viss kaa parasti.

Bet tad, kad viirs labaa garastaavoklii, viss ir forshi. No vienas puses tizli, ka tik daudz kas manii atkaraajas no vinja, bet tai pat laikaa, es zinu, ka vinjsh tachu veel aug. Shobriid vinjsh ir aktiivaas progresijas faazee, liidz ar to ne tikai daudz ko jaunu apguust, bet arii ljoti daudz ko veco laizh valjaa. Un laist valjaa ir biezhi vien saapiigaak nekaa plaanots. Es cauri n-tajaam valjaa laishanas faazeem jau esmu izgaajusi - jau no pusaudzhgadiem apzinaati naacies atvadiities no lietaam un cilveekiem, kas tik ljoti tuvu bijushi, lai ar plashu sirdi aicinaatu visu jauno. Taa kaa seezhu censhoties buut neitraala kaa Shveice (preciizaak, censhos buut neitraala kaa Kosta Rika), un uztraukties tikai pati par sevi.

Ai, pohuj. Viirs uzvedaas kaa izlutinaats punjkjutapa un man PMS, taa kaa viss ljoti jutiigs. Pagaishreiz, kad shitaa besijaas, telefonaa nomainiiju kontaktu no vinja miiljvaarda uz doto vaardu, shoreiz kaazu bildes vietaa ieliku kakji. Taa, luuk, pamazaam attaalinos. Kaa saka, sievietes piedod, bet nekad neaizmirst. Katrs tizlums, katra saape, katra asara kraajas burcinjaa, kas vienaa dienaa pliisiis.

Nav jau taa, ka ljoti daudz laika pavadiiju feisbukjii, bet taa kaa shodien deaktivizeejos, uzreiz gribaas pabakstiities, nez, kas tur notiekas?

Viirs chiiksteeja, ka nevar savaakties dokumentus sakraameet, es vinjam ieteicu noskatiities Marie Kondo Netflix seerijas. Nepagaaja ne nedeelja, kaa vinjsh saaka mani maaciit, kaa lociit vinja zekjes un kaa organizeet manu skapi un veel tirinaajaas, ka man pashai jaanoskataas, jo man redz paaraak daudz mantu esot.

Peedeejaas paaris dienas ar viiru pirms guleetieshanas kopaa lasaam gultaa. Finally!

Lai vieglas smiltis...

Izraadaas, ka dziljaak rokoties iekshaas, sen aizmirsti suudi lien aaraa.
Izraadaas, ka iipasha veelme buut perfektai ir ilgi sleepusies kaut kur zemapzinjaa.
Izraadaas, ka gruuti atziit, ka es neesmu perfekta.

Darbs jaunajaa kompaanijaa tiiri taa neko! Buus ljoti daudz daraamaa, bet es domaaju, ka viss notiksies!

Es gribeetu ieteikt cilveekiem nepreceeties. Nahuj, pilniigi nevajadziigi.

Aarpraats, mana priekshniece ir taada suchka. Es nevaru iztureet. Nee, nestaastiishu detaljas. Vienkaarshi besii aaraa.

Protams, Tomam neko neatbildeeju. Rezultaataa vinjsh noleema uzrakstiit veel visaadas drazinjas feisbukjii:

"I'm listening to mushroom jazz volume 2 now. Nostalgia vibes! Sorry if I was spiky a couple of weeks ago. Nono dropped dead recently and my mood turned foul shortly after. I have no more grandparents sadly ..... But sorry if my tone was harsh. You know what I'm like, passionate geezer. I didn't intend to go on the attack. I was just feeling sad 😞 I won't forget how supportive you were of me over the years. I'll always remember and appreciate that 😘

And look, if dressing as an Indian guru and meditating at Brooklyn vegan rooftop parties makes you happy, then that's what you have to do. I find it embarrassing, but we are not connected any more, so why should you give a shit about my opinion. Your unwashed Brooklyn hipster boyfriend obviously appreciates it, so that's what's important ultimately. Who gives a fuck what cultured people think these days. Planet earth is going down the toliet either way. So just do what makes you happy. Anyway, sorry for being spiky. It's kinda a habit of mine. But I'm sure you know that 😉 I hope professional life and Brooklyn life is going well. Lots of kisses, and forgive my bad behaviour xxx"

Veel jo mazaak gribaas kaut ko atbildeet. Varbuut uzrakstiis veel!

Situ galvu pret sienu, censhoties saprast, kas manii notiek, jo viss, kas notiek apkaart, tachu naak no iekshas. Izraudaajos tik taalu, ka beidzot pieleca, ko viirs visu laiku centies paskaidrot, bet es neesmu bijusi speejiiga redzeet pati. Taa vietaa, lai vinjaa klausiitos, uzstaaju, lai vinjsh klausaas mani, un rezultaataa viens otru nemaz nedzirdeejaam, tik uzstaajaam, ka otra persona neklausaas. Bet patiesiibaa es biju taa, kas neklausiijaas. Es neklausiijos, kaa vinjsh centaas mani stuureet virzienaa uz augshu, un taa vietaa uzstaaju, ka mans virziens ir pareizaaks. Bet koliidz paarmainjas peec iedomaajos apsveert, ka vinjam vareetu buut taisniiba, viss mainiijaas. Peekshnji viss, ko viirs peedeejo seshu meeneshu laikaa centaas man paskaidrot, bija aciimredzams, un uzreiz kljuva skaidrs, kaa es sevi liidz shim suudam biju novedusi.

Iisaak sakot, staasta moraale, ka, kaa gan var gaidiit jaunu rezultaatu, ja turpina veco uzvediibu. No sirds iesaku jebkura striida situaacijaa apsveert, ka varbuut otrs cilveeks necenshaas iespiiteet taapat prikola peec, ka varbuut otrs cilveeks iisteniibaa censhas tev paliidzeet.

First you whispered
I couldn't hear you
Then you cleared your throat and tried again
I didn't pay attention
You made your statements more assertive
I decided you are wrong
You shouted from the depth of your navel
I wrote it all off as background noise
So you stopped talking

In silence all your words crawled out of my subconscious
They settled in my heart and waited
For me to read what you meant
I tried to listen with my mind
While it was your soul touching mine
Your love was there from the very beginning
So we started talking again

Peedeejaa laikaa centos saprast, no kurienes taada hroniska vainas apzinja radusies. Beidzot pieleca! Vainas apzinja uzmetusies, jo kaads ljoti aktiivi mani vaino pie katra leemuma, ko vinjsh pienjem dziivee.

Mana padotaa uzaicinaaja savu braali uz darbu apsveicinaaties ar visiem un paraadiit, kur straadaa (jaa, tas ir normaali):

S: That's my boss - Marina. Marina, that's my brother.
M: Hi, nice to meet you!
S: She's my friend.

<3

Ak dies, ak dies. Londonas Toms izdomaaja, ka jaauzraksta man feisbukjii:

"Hey babe. My family just told me you got married. Congratulations 😘 you know you have our support always! Blessings my babe .... I checked your Instagram recently and I was very surprised. Why you behaving like some Indian dude when you come from Latvia? Strange behaviour .... You are one of the most decent girls on planet earth. I will love you til the day we're dead. I don't like to see you trying to impress white American scum. Your better than that. Stop acting like a clown and take some respect of your natural beauty. Send my love to your family. I love them very much ..... I know you put hate on my name, but me and my family love you very much. Remember that, and remember who you are .... don't behave like some disgraceful white chick who doesn't give a fuck about anything. White hipster culture is the most horrible in the world right now. I would like to think your better than that xxx

And why are you named after Boris Johnson's wife??? Keep your maiden name for fake sack. No one wants to be associated with Tory party scum ..... this is why the last 3 girls I've dated are Muslim. They understand what it is to be a decent woman .... It's so sad what's happened to white western culture recently. We sit hear and prented, when let's face it, half our people our cultural stealing fakers. Sad to see 😞"

Poll #21251 Jautaajums
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Ko man atbildeet Tomam?

Kaut ko citu:

Karoche darbaa kaads izdomaaja, ka nafig nedosim cilveekiem neierobezhotas briivdienas vairs, bet taa vietaa atnjemsim naudas tiem, kuru paarteeja vairaak par 15 dienaam. Un, ak, kaa tas mani ir novedis. Grauzh taa, ka pilniigi gribaas iet prom uzreiz un pateikt visiem, lai iet kakaat.

Nu labi. Esmu apnjeemusies sadabuut uz jauno gadu jaunu darbu.