vieta

ielasījos tai fear of intimacy. vēl daudz kas nav skaidrs, koncepti vienlaikus jauni, bet ļoti saprotami. īsumā par galveno domu - kad bērns saņem atraidījumu, viņu neatbalsta, noliek u.tml., viņš, lai vecāku tēls paliktu ideāls [jo bērnam vecāki ir viss], šo attieksmi 'ievieto' sevī un rada iekšējo nosacīti vecāku pats sev, nodibinot tā saukto fantasy bond. pieaugot šis iekšējais tēls, kas sākotnēji bija labs aizsardzības mehānisms, turpat arī paliek un, tā kā sevī ietver noteiktu uzskatu sistēmu (piemēram, ka tu nekur nederi), kas ir pazīstama un sava, pat ja ne pozitīva, tiklīdz uzrodas kāds, kas kādu no šiem uzskatiem apšauba [tev viss sanāk, tu esi super!], nostrādā aizsardzības mehānisms un attiecīgais personāžs tiek triekts ellē ratā, tiek bojātas attiecības etc. elementārākais piemērs - kad uz komplimentu tiek atbildēts ar neticīgu/nīgru skatienu un 'nē, nē, tas jau nav par mani..' nu, un apkārt tam daudzi citi interesanti procesi, sākot ar atkarībām un beidzot ar high un low level partneru izvēli un pie reizes par to, kāpēc sieviete atsakās no orgasmiem.

daži citāti aprakstam. 

"The most interesting finding revealed in this laboratory was the fact that people who are exposed to a better life are refractory to it because it threatens core psychological defenses." [p.7]

"The connection between the primary fantasy and the pseidoindependence, and the passivity that goes with that, and the internalization of the real parent and that parent's evaluation of the child, that is, the self-concept which is based in interacting with that parent, represents the fundamental resistance to a better, more constructive life. People are resistant to changing their image of themselves, and they're resistant to forming associations with people who would behave toward them in a different way." [p.38.]

"Psychotherapy has to help the person to recognise his pseidoindependence and his defiance and not act it out. If he acts it out, he cannot get better. If he manipulates and provokes other people and controls their behaviour, he ends up merely reliving the past and he doesn't change and he doesn't give up his defenses. He has to learn to give up his defenses and honestly ask for what he wants and honestly take a chance. He has to sweat it out when things get close with other people, and he has to learn to suffer the pain of being loved and not provoke rejection - not get people to attack him and thus get him off the hook. When relationship is good, when he thinks well of himself, he has got to sweat that out, like an addict who goes cold turkey. He has to take a chance and not damage relationships. He can feel like damaging it and he can share that he feels like damaging it, but he must not do it. If he does, he ends up back where he started - there's no growth." [p.40]

"Pseidoagression is not a genuine anger; that is, it is not a response to frustration. It is an attempt to manupulate, to push away, to control, and to avoid other people who treaten the primary fantasy of "I don't need anyone." When people tempt us by being exceptionally loving or close, we tend to push them away and establish distance. We accomplish this by being defiant, by attacking, by acting out withloding behavior patterns, by provoking, and then the person does pull away. These maneuvers actually affect the relationship and maintain the neurotic equilibrium - they make it safe again." [p45]

"If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences. The self-fulfilling prophecy occurs when inaccurate definitions of situations or cirumstances elicit behaviours that make the inaccurate definitions true." [p.56]