*

vislaik marinēju sen iesāktās piezīmes par undoing savvaļā - tas bija jau aizpagājšnedēļ. saņemšos un kaut kā nebūt pabeigšu. besī, ka te mētājas pusratā.
biju jau sen piekritusi, ka atkal taisīš ēst undoingā. tas sanāca aiznākamajā nedēļā pēc etnofesta. jutos diezgan tukša un numb un jau kādu laiku nebiju izjutusi ēst taisīšanas prieku. pirmajās dienās likās, bļeee, ko es daru, man vajadzēja pieteikties par dalībnieku un undoingot, nevis pavārēt. bet dienas gāja, kompi praktiski nelietoju, e-pastus nerakstīju (pirmā vakara aplī, kurā dalījāmies ar to, no kā esam noguruši, es teicu, ka esmu nogurusi no unreal things like emails, excel worksheets, etc.), sāku atkal just prieku par ēst taisīšanu, brīvajos brīžos tējoju - savācu liepziedus un vēlvisko. no otras puses - dienas gāja un bija grūti nedomāt, ka tūlīt šis beigsies un būs jāvelk atkal ārā kompis un jāraksta e-pasti un jādomā, kā ar kultūras palīdzību pārdot vairāk alkohola (tas droši vien pats par sevi nav nekas slikts, vienkārši manas privātās attiecības ar alkoholu un tā ietekmēm uz man tuviem cilvēkem ir diezgan sarežģītas).
domāju arī par ēsttaisīšanas prieku - tā ir bijusi lieta, kas man tiešām ir sagādājusi prieku pat visdepresīvākajos dzīves posmos. bet pēdējā laikā baigi nesagādā. manliekas, ka tas ir tāpēc, ka tam vajag iedvesmu, bet iedvesmai vajag laiku un flowu, kas e-pastu pasaulē neeksistē. pat, ja es nerakstu tos sūda e-pastus un prokrastrinēju.
undoingā ļoti patika komunikācijas neobligātums un klusums. bija visādi interesanti novērojumi par cilvēku enerģijām - ja viņi nerunā, tad diezgan grūti nomaskēt kaut kādu true vaibu - viņš nenovēršami izstaro un ir jūtams krietni spēcīgāk.

nu jā un vēl paralēli undoingam atsāku lasīt Radical Wholeness. tas arī galīgi neiedvesmo būšanu e-pastu pasaulē.
taga pagājušas jau gandrīz divas nedēļas kopš savvaļas. joprojām jūtu prieku par ēst taisīšanu, toties nenormāli negribu sēdēt pie kompja un strādāt. vnk nenormāli besī, man liekas, ka es pūstu un izkalstu un izžūstu un, kad ap 17 varu oficiāli ļaut sevi pārstāt spiest to darīt, tad nav arī spēka vairs darīt lietas, kas sagādā prieku - zirgu un dārzu un dabu un kustības.



* every human culture communicates its own story about reality and our proper relationship to it. each story communicates what it means to be human. the Story of a culture is as authoritative to its members as a sacred text to its adherents. but the Story isn't written ir words - it's written in the myriad particulars of the culture's architecture, language, hierarchies, customs, values, markets, child-rearing practices, modes of transport, penal systems - everything.

* every culture's Story about what it means to be human is unique, and every Story hides in the background of its culture, disguising itself as a reality so that remains almost invisible to its members, even as it firmly establishes what 'feels right' to them. organizing our lives in accord with the Story 'feels right' to us, even when it makes us feel bad.
the instructions of the Story aren't reasonable. They aren't accountable. they are largerly hidden. and they often have nothing to do with the truth of the world.

* objective knowledge is disemobodied knowledge. (..) we need to recover what the body knows.

* living your days in the abstract knowledge of things rather than in the intimate companionship of the world promotes the sense of disconnection and anxiety, and is consistent with an underlying schism in our culture: the seperation of your thinking from your being.

* (..) it has seperated us from the core understanding of all that the body knows: the understanding that it belongs to the world, expresses the world, is held by the world and shares in all that happens to the world

* when the thinking of the self is held in the head, we can carry on in that mode for hours, days, weeks even, without ever attuning to the Present, coming to rest in its companionship and allowing its companionship to come rest in us. when this obsession becomes a habit, that companionship eventually disappears from our awareness and we forget that it exists.

* in our culture we have grown as dependent on abstraction as an addict on her drugs - and we have fed that addiction ar the expense of the earth and our embodied experience of life.

* it's clear that culture changes the body. (..) our relationship to the body is our fundamental relationship, and is the underlying template for all our other relationships. once you recognize that we have established a divided, controlling, isolated, top-down relationship with the body, you can see how that shapes all the relationships of our culture. for instance: (..) living in our heads, we feel separate from the body - and so we similarly feel seperate from the world.

* how we sense the world, how we think, how we feel the body, how we understand the self, how we open to and accord with reality - all of that has been shaped by the Story we live with; and that Story says that to be human is to be divided

* reclaiming your ability to think with the whole of your being is largely a process of undoing

* embodiment isn't about quieting the thoughts in the head and noticing sensations of the body from there - it's about bringing the abstract intelligence of the head into relationship with the body's intelligence. wholeness is never either/or - it's both/and. so the popular advice to "listen to your body", well-meaning as it is, is stuck in the Story of division. the phrase itself suggests that you are in one place and your body is in another. it implies that you are seperated from your body as though by a wall, and the best you can hope for is to put your ear to that wall once in a while and listen to what's happening on the other side. so although its intention is to foster embodiment, the advice to "listen to your body" actually reinforces the very divide that it's seeking to overcome. similarly, the instruction to "notice the breath" assigns you the role of spectator of your own life: sitting up in the head you observe the sensations of your breathing.

* and the more time we spend thinking about our thoughts about the world rather than feeling the reality of the Present, the more we inhabit our private realms of abstraction rather than the realm of being. these private realms eventually become a form of personal privation that taints everything: our bodies become sources of betrayal, our neighbors become strangers, our communities increasingly exist in name only, and we feel alone in our lives, driven through them by necessity, distraction, cravings and anxiety.

* the body is a resonator; attuning to the energies of the world, it knows them. (..) once the body's spaciousness ir compromised, it loses its resonance. when its intelligence cannot quicken to the energies of the Present, the Present won't be felt, and then its guidance may as well not exist. when you are cut off from the world's guidance, you are compelled to take on the endless task of guiding yourself. so the isolated ego takes over and starts 'supervising" (a word literally means "watching from above").

* we have somehow learned to tolerate how it feels to be disconnected from our being; we have adjusted to a top-down, idea driven mode that strays from the pulse if the boundless Present. (..) neglect of the body is not neutral; when the body is in shadow, it suffers. if our neglect is habitual, that suffering can escape our attention until the body 'unexpectedly' betrays us by 'breaking down'.

* the Story organizes the self and the world in ways that 'feel right' to us even when they feel bad. because the Story feels so familiar, we take refuge there, though life calls us beyond it. when we can't or won't answer that call, our lives take on the quality of an "organized inadequacy" as Joseph Campbell termed it.

* even as our ordinary daily actions carry us ever deeper into this crisis, the Story directs our attention to the problems 'out there' and distracts us from the source of those problems: our endarkening, tyrannical realtionship with the body's intelligence, which makes tyrannical relationship with nature feel right. what is needed is fundamental change in us. a society of individuals who are stuck in the cravings of childhood cannot step into the responsibilities of adulthood.

* instead of feeling held by the Present, we feel held by abstractions, stress and anxiety

* the more energy you devote to mapping out 'who you know yourself to be', the more that knowledge will constitute a structure within which you can abide. you know your values, your relationships, your affiliations; you know your history, your opinions, your goals and the people around you; you establish the structure of 'who you know yourself to be'and are so secure within it that you need never be truly present to anything that happens around you, because your responses to it are a conditioned, foregone conclusion. again, you mistake the map for the reality.

* because we seek to govern a fragmented self in a fragmented world, self-tyranny is our normal way of being. we get things done, we make decisions, we execute our plans and we see the road to success as a matter of willpower. willpower, in all its manifestations, is about the subjugation of being by ideas. both parts of the word - 'will' and 'power' - flatter the part of us that wants to be in control. both promise domination. both prepare for opposition. and both rely on self-conflict.

* in our culture self-mastery means that your head-based intelligence has succesfully subjugated your being. it means your body, your emotions and your desires have learned to take instructions from the male pole of your consciousness; that it had its way with the female pole, and silenced it, and is proud of that. so self-mastery is necessarily an act of self-divison, self-conflic and self-censorship. self-mastery is self-tyranny.

* our systematic neglect of wholeness has led us to confuse the role of the tyrant with that of the hero

man vēl jāizlasa pēdējā grāmatas trešdaļa. bet tā vispār, manliekas, ka tas, kā mēs izšķīrāmies izbeidzām savu laulību ar K bija tāda maziņa, bet forša Storya uzhakošana.