| smiltis everywhere |
[Aug. 7th, 2013|12:12 am] |
nezinu - kā bija jāsauļojas, lai sadegtu augšlūpa [un pati lūpa, nevis āda virs tās.. un es vēl Jūlijai neticēju, ka tas ir iespējams] un deguna spārni. tie ar' tā vairāk no apakšpuses - tā kā man ir rozā šņukurs. |
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| pirmsseptembra sajūta |
[Aug. 5th, 2013|08:46 am] |
:) vakar nopirku divas klades lekcijām -> mācību gads var sākties!!! |
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| a comment |
[Aug. 2nd, 2013|05:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | hummingbird titri | ] |
un jā - varbūt viņi tiešām aizmirsa pateikt Džeisonam, ka šīs jaunās filmas nav veco turpinājums. varbūt viņiem vnk bail..
bet ja godīgi - I don't mind that at all. |
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| which one is it today? |
[Aug. 2nd, 2013|05:13 pm] |
sometimes it's hard not to have someone in your life.
but then again sometimes it's ok. |
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| nur in Träumen ich lebe |
[Aug. 2nd, 2013|12:29 am] |
vakardienas sapnī divi čaļi zem mana loga runāja vāciski un neļāva man gulēt. |
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| just another dream |
[Jul. 26th, 2013|11:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | no music | ] |
He goes from Josh Radnor to Daniel Craig.. to some guy without a face.. to Elmārs..
anyway - he's my friend. You know - one of those guy friends you keep checking up on.
it's an art fest. There are loads of people. So there are loads of art'ish people who make art - paint, draw, film, make photos, clothes.. And there was that big wall - were everyone could leave his art-mark, in the basis of which was a pattern created by pressing painted celebrity clothes to the wall.. [well that was totally cray everyone went AWOL.. putting out their emotions].
My friend - he's a technician.. There is a big screen near the wall. And he puts people's movies and just art-house and indie films on.. And his technical place is hidden inside a hill.. like a cave. [ I have no idea what these guys living in caves mean.. but they keep appearing and hugging me ] And I gave him a tape me and my friend Laimdota filmed some 10 years ago.. And I watch it lying on the ground with many over people who are as highly motivated to do nothing as I am. He wanted to watch it with me, he even promised.. but his girlfriend came [by the way she looked like Fefe Dobson] and they are in the cave..
There's one moment vivid from the movie, it's where Laimdota and some other people are laughing and climbing a somewhat Scottish looking landscape against a strong wind, but the day is really sunny.. so her golden hair is drawing beautiful patters in the air.. almost like water flowing or fire flickering.
There's a voice behind me:
- Hey, Lime, isn't that you
- Pshh, of course not..
I don't turn, I know without turning its her, and I can feel her looking for me in the crowd..
The focus goes closer on the hair.. until it's all we can see.. and it ends..
I go into the cave, knock on the door, am asked to wait.. then he let's me in - somewhat embarrassingly smiling. I say:
- You didn't see the half of it..
- You know me too well. We tried, but then got preoccupied..
He gives me the tape and walks me out. We walk, talk.. he keeps his arm on my back.. kinda very protectively. Then we stop - he hugs me really tight and says:
- Keep safe. If anything happens - call. Promise?
- Promise.
[ te es laikam aizmigu ciešāk, jo neko neatceros, but the next thing I know: ]
We are on some kind of a ship.. He, his girlfriend, his jack russell terrier and me.. We are sort of running from someone.. We are joined by his friend [a Brad Pitt kinda looking guy]. then everything is in somewhat coloristic blur.. there's a lot of crimson or scarlet paint strokes everywhere. then there's a white silk sheet fluttering in the wind.. and she dies [his girlfriend].. some crazy people - they just kill her.
Then there's a smell of wood going into shambles and a lot of pointy sharp splinters all around us. He suddenly says - It's you!! How could you! - and runs after Brad Pitt..
And I sit there on the floor when his dog starts convulsing, and craning it's neck in weird angles.. and then pukes on the floor. He's kind crowling in circles and puking.. then nothing comes out, he just making the puking movements and crawling in circles.. And I sit there and know - he has been poisoned or even infected with some kind of mutated Listeria.. And there's nothing I can do.. and the only thought I have is - Thank God, HE doesn't have to see that.
[ un tad es pamostos, un saprotu, ka tas tas bija mans suns.. not in the dream.. but in real life. un shudder un hug Gordon closer to me and ask him: 'Gorģik, u tebja že vse v porjadke?! Vse horošo?' and kiss him.. ]
*****
Pēdējā laikā visu laiku sapņoju par kaķiem visos iespējamos veidos un pat Ināru Kaķīti, kura mani atpazina.. Un mamma kept telling me - ka tas nav labi, jo kaķi sapņos ir uz nodevību. You could say they came true a little [īpaši tāpēc, ka most of them bija kaķēni.. nodevība arī nebija liela].. Bet suns sapnī - tas ir labi, tas ir draugs.. a helping hand.. someone you trust.. bet mirstošs suns? if not a friend - then friendship duying.. nu pieņemsim, ka visa sapņu tulkošana ir bullšits. besides - tas viss ir viens liels mumble-jumble..
Es gan varu izskaidrot, ko tur dara Radnors -> Ance vakar teica, ka noskatījās "happythankyoumoreplease"..
Breds Pits - pirms gulētiešanas tētis mani pasauca iečekot viņa deju iekš 'Burn after Reading', kas gāja pa TV.
Fefe Dobson - ir no Listenera sērijas.
Kuģis - probably ir saistīts ar regati.
Un pat Scottish landscape varētu būt saistīts ar McGregore velo, moto un suņa bilžu skatīšanos vai Passenger klausīšanos..
bet viss pārējais.. un it īpaši čaļi alās.. ir a mystery to me.
Dying Gordon - is kinda worrying, bet after all - I've seen my brother's skin being taken off from him, and nothing bad happen after that dream.
Galvenais jau ir izstāstīt savus sapņus - tad viņi vsp nepiepildās.. |
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[Jul. 23rd, 2013|05:14 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | suns krāc | ] |
The sleeping beauty didn't go for her beauty sleep, and it feels amazing... |
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[Jul. 17th, 2013|11:40 pm] |
on this day 26 years ago my parents got married.. |
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| Another sapnis |
[Jul. 17th, 2013|09:37 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | weird | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | let her go - passenger | ] |
Šonakt manā sapnī bija ziema.. un mežs..
Mēs ar Maiju tur meklējām vienu čali, kurš ķipa mežā dzīvo. Bet no sākuma atradām tikai milzīgu melnu jaku ar baltiem kā sniegs ragiem, tas bija brīnumains skats, kā no pasakas, kamēr viņš neaizdesoja pakaļ kkādiem bērneļiem.. Tad mēs ilgi (līdz tumsai) bridām pa līdz ceļiem dziļo sniegu, līdz izdzirdējām mūziku, kas nāca kkur no pazemes. Maija teica: "Tas ir šeit!" un noskrēja no pakalniņa lejā. Es nesapratu, bet sekoju. Lejā, man par brīnumu, pakalnam ieraudzīju lielas metāla durvis, pie kurām divi čaļi pīpēja, viens no viņiem bija M. Viņš nobrīnījās, mani ieraugot, un pārtrauca sarunu. Mēs stāvējām tā pāris sekundes, skatoties viens uz otru, tad es teicu:
- Čau! Mēs varam parunāt?
- Čau! Nāc iekšā.. - Viņš izmeta cigareti un atvēra smagās durvis.
Tas, ko es ieraudzīju, ieejot iekšā, pavisam nebija tas, ko tu sagaidi ieraudzīt, kad tev pasaka, ka čalis dzīvo mežā. Mēs ienācām samērā plašā telpā, kuras sienas bija veidotas no sablīvētas augsnes un koku saknēm, kuras vietumis ļoti eleganti turēja/veidoja plauktus. Augsne bija ar kko ķīmiski nofiksēta, tāpēc nedrupa. Pa vidu bija viesistabas zona ar četriem mīstiem krēsliem un mazu galdiņu, uz kura stāvēja pusizdzertas glāzes un kāršu kava, vienā no krēsliem gulēja kaķis. Pa labi bija izveidota sort of virtuvīte ar visādiem skapīšiem un plauktiņiem, pa kreisi stāvēja gulta un sienu veidoja patukšs grāmatu plaukts, bet ārējo sienu bija nolikta tāda tā kā lāde ar mīkstu, polsterētu un apšūtu vāku, probably for clothes, vismaz es tā nodomāju.. Uz lādes sēdēja divas meitenes un dzēra kkādus kokčikus. Viņš kinda meitenēm norādīja, ka vajadzētu iziet, un they did.
Mēs palikām divatā, un viņš teica:
- Nu, ko tu gribēji man teikt?
- Neko. Vnk gribēju tevi redzēt. - [pati biju pārsteigta par savu atbildi, bija tāda 'wtf???' iekšējā izteksme.]
- Te nu es esmu.
- Jā, te tu esi.
Tad viņš sāka pārģērbties un mēs aizgājām uz kkādām kojām..
[Sapnis, probably turpinājās, bet neko citu neatceros, this part just was very vivid. The snow, the place and the wtf?] |
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| Sapnis jeb... |
[Jul. 9th, 2013|02:29 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sentimental | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | - | ] |
"Kas rādās sapnī cilvēkam pēc dzimšanas dienas – kurā viņš iedzēra, dabūja karstumtrieku, izjuta neaprakstāmas sāpes [nu aprakstāmas – as if visu laiku braucu ar kkādiem kousteriem, no kuriem man ir slikta dūša un katru brīdi, un kāds vēl visu laiku lēni griež manus acu ābolus un sit man naglas galvā.. sth like that..], izdzēra miljons analģētiskus līdzekļus, kuri iedarbojās tikai pēc 1 h garas pastaigas ar suni un atkal iedzēra, un tad spēlēja visādas vēsturiskas un literatūriskas viktorīnas internetā līdz diviem."
Protams, vajadzēja pierakstīt no rīta, kamēr labāk atcerējos, bet nu still..
Mēs atrodamies kkādā koj-veidīgā hospitālī.. Mēs – esam jaunas medicīnas studentes no 21.gs., kas palīdz apkopt otrā pasaules kara ievainotos kareivjus un civilniekus, kuri kkā mistiski dzīvo ar mums vienā laikā, bet to neapzinās.
Manā uzraudzībā atradās meitene, kuras mājai tika uzmests viens no spridzekļiem. Un viņa for one thing redzēja, kā aiziet bojā viņas māte un mazais baby brother, un for second – has severe burns. Her boyfriend – a soldier is there [ā, nu jā karš sort of ir beidzies] un his best friend. The girl kinda nedaudz foggy in her mind – reizēm neapazīst puišus, baidās no viņiem, reizēm atpazīst – un saka, lai viņi iet prom, jo viņa ir ugly and undeserving, jo she had to die in the bombing u.tt. Well anyway – the guy is always there.. And I kinda get used to their company, un kinda have feelings of admiration, trust and sympathy for the guy, the girl too of course – the sympathy I mean. But the guy.. klāt visam tam tur es viņam riktīgi pieķeros, mēs runājam katru vakaru in the hall, kinda give a lot of hugs, see him cry once or twice.. Besides he has nightmares almost every night - so he doesn’t sleep, and we just sit there at nights in silence, sometimes he tells stories of his war buddies.. You get the picture..
Un tad pienāk brīdis, kad tīri fiziski meitenes labā mēs neko vairs nevaram darīt, and he gets to bring her home. And they go.. un I miss them, and worry – kā viņi dzīvos šajā jaunajā viņiem neizprotamajā pasaulē with it’s gadgets and internet.. Mostly I miss him.
And then I meet him.. He’s bringing home goods from the shop. KKā mistiski viņš joprojām eksistē citā laikā, kur nevar norēķināties ar karti un kur masīnu skaits ir 15 reizes mazāks.. he just does not see all the things I see. He is glad to see me, he gives me his elbow and I put my arm through. I cling to him like – if I let go he would disappear. We walk – he tells me stuff like he used to.. Smiles a bit – but mostly sad stuff. The girl is not better, hardly ever recognizes him, sits in her room staring at the world outside with blank eyes.. So we walk on, I have a feeling I could walk forever.. And there’s such yearning for him to be mine, such yearning to hug and kiss him.. I guess there’s also such love in my heart.
[Vismaz sapņos I still can feel it] |
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[Jul. 2nd, 2013|12:24 am] |
Kas nu ticēja, kas nē.. but I finally did it.. |
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| life-less |
[Jun. 29th, 2013|11:33 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | - | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | - | ] |
Cilvēki, kuriem ir dzīve, dodas baudīt vasaras priekus un atstāj man pieskatīt savus bērnus un savus bīstamos suņus, un balodi [no kura man ir vairāk bail nekā no agresīvā suņa], un degu pārīti, un bruņurupuci, un kaķi.. kas ir mans ideālais kaķis un reminds me - kāpēc es kādreiz gribēju kaķi.. even makes me want one now.. |
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| "i'm very fond of walking" |
[Jun. 21st, 2013|03:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | girly | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | we own it - 2 chainz & wiz khalifa | ] |
augsti apavi do change a great deal.
and it's not only that you look effeminate, but you kinda feel it.. and kinda act it.
un kas var būt labāk, kā karstā vējainā dienā iet pāri Vanšu tiltam in my highest shoes un svārkos, kuri ik minūtu saslējas augšā, demonstrējot manas minimāli iesauļotās kājas un izklaidējot korķī stāvošos šoferīšus. un es taisu nevainīgas un pārsteigtas sejas izteiksmes smaidu uz viņu smaidiem un velosipēdistu gaisa bučiņām. sirrealisms is in town, bet varbūt it's called summer and free time :P
un 5 km easy walking distance in those babies.. :D i must be mad!
kas notiks after i go blond? |
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| down day |
[Jun. 16th, 2013|04:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | down | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | let her go - passenger | ] |
es pat neteiktu, ka šī ir kārtējā unconditional sadness lēkme. feels like i'm on a verge of nervous breakdown or a panic attack. it's like i'm worried 24/7.. un es nevaru mierīgi runāt with people - i'm getting all angry. un varbūt pie vainas ir the great unknown ar mikro eksāmenu, vai uztraukums par fizio, kurā man ir vsp zudusi ticība, ka es potenciāli viņu nokārtot, vai arī unknown par to, vai es paspēšu dabūt parakstu un zīmogu prakses papīriem, pārtverot prakses vadītāju pa ceļam uz lidostu un vai paspēšu tikt līdz Jelgavai in time, un gribētos zināt, ka viena putnkopības pasniedzēja otrai tomēr laicīgi būs nodevusi pārrakstītās ieskaites vērtējums un lopkopības kursu man ieskaitīs in general. un varbūt daļēji i'm worried about my godfather and his black stripe in life. un varbūt pie vainais ir voice ar visiem tiem cilvēkiem un viņu stāstiem un viņu vecākiem un draugiem - being so proud.. un it's not like i'm jealous - it's just i get really emotional [well a lot of crying is involved. and some people make me cry by their singing. un it's weird the low tolerance i have for real emotions..]
the stupidest thing about all this is - that i start to doubt myself, my decisions, my sense of purpose in this life. and i laugh at how one small failure can discourage me so much, and understanding this and thinking this makes so ashamed, that i go into that place - where i think of myself as a really weak person.. and thinking that leads to thinking - there's no point, i can't do it.
i hate weakness. hate it.
besides i can't remember my parents ever telling me that they are proud of me. i'm not saying - they are not proud, i'm just saying sometimes children need to hear it. [well maybe just vain children like me must hear it] all i hear is disappointment at my failures and no room for failing again. |
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| need a movie and dog walking partner |
[Jun. 14th, 2013|10:11 pm] |
griezu zemenes, griezu.. un sanāca zemenes ar biezpienu, nevis biezpiens ar zemenēm. nu ko lai dara..
bet stāsts, kā parasti ir ne par to.. un pat ne par ugunsdzēsējiem, kas klausās Bītlus pa visu ielu un spēle futbolu. noup. stāsts ir par kārtējo kvoutu no kartējās filmas. vsp mani iefascinē, ka visās tajās lētajās un nothing spešl filmās vienmēr ir kāda gudra doma, kas aizķer.
precīzu kvoutu neatradu un filmu jau paspēju izdzēst - so something like that:
- i always knew what kind of boyfriend i want [tad sekoja something like educated, cultural blā, blā, blā]
- so - a boy-you.
- yeah, a boy-me.
un es padomāju - don't we all? kgan kamēr staigāju ar suni - kāda balss manā galvā pateica: 'you're are looking for a male version of a better you. for 'the you' you want so desperately to be.' |
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| nexistējošas sarunas ar existējošu cilvēku |
[Jun. 14th, 2013|03:40 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | asleep | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | a dance with dragons [ab] | ] |
- as u wish, but you're missing something, baby.
- i'm missing many things. but i'd rather you said 'you're missing out, baby!'
- why?
- i guess - it sounds better.
- not in my head.
- well, dear we are not in your head, we're in mine. |
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| one more day |
[Jun. 5th, 2013|12:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | weird | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the boat that rocked [OST] | ] |
esmu simpatiskās nervu sistemas darbību staigājošs preparāts :D
mentāli [pagaidām] esmu absolutely calm.. fizioloģiski - esmu katastrofa: man ir absolūti slapjas pēdas un plaukstas, viņas vnk tek. paziminātā gremošanas sulu izdale, veicina nepilnīgu barības sagremošanu, but i keep stuffing myself with food for no reason. my heart rate is elevated but not beyond reason - 96 bpm.. spiedienu nav ar ko iečekot, bet jābūt kinda paaugstinātam.. [besides - akācija ir pārtraukusi ziedēt, kas viņai ir neraksturīgi - only 3,5 days.. bet par šito es gan nesūdzos]
un visi ir aizbraukuši uz mājām un left me alone here.. to learn, what i'm going bak to doing. |
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| sofija un viņas iedomātie vīrieši |
[Jun. 1st, 2013|01:49 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | darkly happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | high and dry - feat. jeremy jordan | ] |
it's funny how - perfectly positive tv series, which i chose as my first musical series and a thing i could enjoy without all the drama drama stuff.. people dying, guns, deaths.. can go from being all so optimistic and hopeful into something as dark.. well i have to say - now i love it even more. and get all the thoughts - like i was meant to watch this.
[besides - esmu totāli saspiedusies about Derek Wills, didn't have such a crush on a character for quite a while.. even Sergent Jerry Wooters didn't do it for me the way this guy does] |
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| savā galvā - es slēpjos koju skapī.. |
[May. 25th, 2013|08:54 pm] |
it's the day for sweetened tea.
un es nezinu vai vainīgs ir pilnmēness, progesterons, romantiskās komēdijas vai stress overload. |
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[May. 23rd, 2013|12:17 pm] |
sapnī man tika veiktas serotonīna injekcijas. |
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