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Seriously [Mar. 2nd, 2017|09:52 pm]
[Tags|]
[Current Mood |not ready to leave]
[Current Music |another repeat abook]

German policemen make me use word 'eyecandy' too often :D
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tēlainie salīdzinājumi [Feb. 28th, 2017|10:26 pm]
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"... but just then Julia drops a glob of ice cream in her hair and shoots up on the roundabout yelling 'Fuck!', and by the time she's got a tissue of Becca and borrowed Selena's water bottle to wet it and cleaned the sticky off her hair, bitching the whole time () about how she looks like she gave a blowjob to someone with bad aim, ..."

/Tana French "The Secret Place"/

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I think - I should get that MRI done [Feb. 28th, 2017|09:21 pm]
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that feeling when pain killers kick in, is the best thing in the world.

šodien aizdomājos par to, kā es uzvestos, ja būtu dzīvnieks.. jo jau tā uzvedos ļoti weird, like head pressing against a wall, or floor. or curling up and making those weird wining noises, crying, showing tachypnea and mouth-breathing.. And me being human, all I was trying to do - was not to move.. just lie very still, and put cold things on my neck. But there was that inevitable vomitus.. even with an empty stomach, so after that I just gave up and took the NSAID's. And that is heaven, even it kills my liver, before alcohol does.
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great [Feb. 28th, 2017|06:32 pm]
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[Current Mood |headache]
[Current Music |radiotev.lv]

- mums biežāk jāfilmē šādi mini video.
- kāpēc?
- jo ja mēs nomirsim, cilvēkiem būs kā mūs atcerēties.
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where does the time go? [Feb. 24th, 2017|12:13 am]
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[Current Music |radiotev.lv]

tā sajūta, kad tev pēc 6,5 stundām ir jāiziet uz klīniku, bet vēl ir tikai vienpadsmit.
un tu vēl neesi izlasījis rakstu for you journal club.
un vēl neesi bijis dušā.
un neesi sakrāmējis mantas rītdienas ceļojumam un vsp neko neesi sagatavojis.
un vēl kkur būs jābūt miegam un brokastīm.
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Iespējams, pirmais puksts ar politisku nokrāsu [Feb. 19th, 2017|10:19 am]
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[Current Mood |my day feels tainted]
[Current Music |radiotev.lv]

pamodos ar sajūsmu par zilajām debesīm virs manas gultas. Un paslavēju sevi, ka 5os no rīta tomēr izvēlējos brīvdienu, un izslēdzu modinātāju :D
uztaisīju sev apstrīdami veselīgas brokastis - auzupārslu putra un divi burkāni, bet cukurota kafija kinda gives the balance to that.
Ieslēdzu datoru (gribēju neslēgt, but for the radio... you know..)
UN F_ING VIDEO NO LV, KO ŠĒRO SOME PEOPLE, JUST MADE SO F_ING ANGRY!!!!!!

Seriously - kad mums tās vēlēšanas?
Kādai ir jābūt valsts amatpersonas attiecībai pret valsts valodu?? Es šaubos, ka kāds rakstītu savus komentārus dokumentiem un runātu sapulcēs ne valsts valodā.
Kādai ir valsts amatpersonas attiecībai jābūt pret cilvēkiem, kas dzīvo Latvijā? Visi astoņdesmitgadīgie okupanti un viņu atvases. Ļaunākais, kas mūsu/jūsu tautai var draudēt.. Dievs, pasarg, kāds no viņiem sapratīs, ko es kā politiķis gribu viņiem pateikt, atnākot uz krieviski runājošiem skatītājiem orientētu kanālu! Var nenākt.. Kāpēc nākt un kāpt uz galvas, viņi/mēs jau tā ir/esam zemāk par grīdlīsti (tiešs tulkojums no krievu frazeoloģisma)...

Un tie paši valsts valodai lojālie politiķi, tiekoties ar ārzemju politiķiem, runā angliski, ņem un runā valsts valodā un lai kāds tulko, tulkiem arī vajag darbu. Kāpēc kāds ārzemju izlecējs ir pelnījis vairak cieņas, nekā līdzcilvēks? Kāpēc nevar mēģināt tautu vienot? (smieklīgs vārds, ņemot vērā, mūsu valdošās partijas) Mēs ejam uz totālu atsķeļšanu.

Pēdējie pieci gadi mūsu valstī, ir pārsvītrojuši manu vairāk kā veiksmīgo 20 gadu integrāciju. Svaigi pēc skolas - es biju superlatviska. C'mon es pat šo blogu jau pār pa 10 gadiem rakstu nosacīti valsts valodā, un sorry, tā nav krievu valoda, kas viņu apdraud, bet gan angļu. Bet tagad.. Un ne tikai es - arī mans brālis, cilvēks, kas dejojis tautas dejas, spēlējis basketbolu, fanojis par Dinamo un LV, klausījies Dzelzs Vilku.. pēkšņi to vairs nedara un labi, ja viņa latviskos draugus uz vienas rokas pirkstiem var saskaitīt. How did that happen? Nopietni, kā valsts ir pieļāvusi, ka tivi integrēti latviski runājoši jauni cilvēki aizgāja pa kreisi?

Īpaši tagad, kad krievvalodīgajos medijos ir tik nenormāli daudz tiek rakstīts par to, ka būt imigrantam ir so much better kā būt mūžīgajam okupantam. Un ka tavi bērni jau vienā paaudzē pārstāj būt imigranti, kamēr LV vēl ceturtajā paaudzē tu esi svešinieks.
Un diemžēl - es ārzemēs jūtos labāk kā mājās. Es nejūtu tik daudz dusmu, bezspēka un naida. Un doma par dzimtenes pamešanu kļūst arvien reālāka, jāpārdomā tikai sēņošanas iespējas..
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Yes, I did it! or The Professor has a sence of humor [Feb. 13th, 2017|11:14 pm]
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[Current Mood |halfasleep]
[Current Music |rag'n'bone man - human]

- ļoti labi. bet aizmirsu Tev pateikt, ka katrs, kas pirmo reizi paņem CSŠ, uzsauc visiem klātesošajiem lieciniekiem vakariņas!
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in vino veritas [Feb. 12th, 2017|01:46 am]
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[Current Mood |extremely cold]
[Current Music |silence]

Tā ir iegājies - I dodn't drink alone. So I've been sober all this year so far. But the date is set. Someone is coming to save me.
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all the small choices again [Feb. 10th, 2017|08:28 pm]
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[Current Mood |more tired every day]
[Current Music |watching GA]

- how do you choose between practicing procedures under endoscopic control on a paprika and assisting on a cat hip fracture fixation with a plate?
- i don't know.
- neither do i.
- so what did you choose?
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[Feb. 7th, 2017|10:05 pm]
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[Current Mood |has been better]
[Current Music |spotify (system of a down)]

When you put on some music to cheer yourself up and get
"Such a lonely day.. And it's mine.. The most loneliest day of my life"
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[Feb. 5th, 2017|11:28 pm]
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hashtag #nāve tik sen nebija izmantots - I'm surprised at myself.
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thoughts in a shower [Feb. 5th, 2017|11:06 pm]
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- ja cilvēcei būtu atlikusi viena diena līdz pasaules galam, ko tu darītu?
- pff. nēz, nolektu no augstceltnes, lai velti neizšķērstu savu laiku, what's the point really? Lai ko tu darītu - tam nav jēgas. Spend more time with your family or people you love - pirmkārt nožēlosi, ka nedarīji to agrāk.. un neizbēgamais šķitīs briesmīgāks.. Darīt kko selfish, enjoying yourself.. For what? Vai piedzertos un ļautos bezgalīgām orģijām. Hm, heroīns varētu būt laba ideja.. Or just try to sleep it off, varbūt tomēr prokatit? BET vienmēr esmu gribējusi zināt, ko tu jūti īsi pirms sašķīsti pret betonu?

***

- bija tāda filma 'Seeking a Friend for the End of the World'.
- kāpēc "bija"? IR
- whatever.
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Krankenhaus spielen [Feb. 4th, 2017|11:46 pm]
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- how do you know - you're doing the right thing with your life?
- you just feel pumped. you do a 16-hour-shift, and feel so energized, you're practically dancing inside. And you want more. MORE!!

UPD. On another glance - THIS IS what I expect from a guy, this feeling of being mentally challenged at every step, a feeling of things naturally feeling into order, and the immeasurable vitality flowing through my vessels.

UPD2: Working not stop for 16 hour really helps with not thinking yourself into insanity..
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Domu graudi [Jan. 30th, 2017|09:01 pm]
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[Current Mood |painlich]
[Current Music |robbie williams - go gentle]

- Vai ir iespējams inficēties ar tetanusu, ja skalojot klīniski slima kaķa brūci, skalošanas šķīduma piles, kas atlec no brūces, trāpa tev uz ādas, uz kuras visticamāk ir mikrobrūces?

- Ģībstot ir tikai tas moments, kad ir nenormāli karsti un viss paliek tumšs.. un nākamajā brīdī tu esi guļus uz grīdas un tev apkārt ir cilvēki. Šoreiz gan viss super operatīvi - atčuknījos ar kājām gaisā un kāds turēja manu galvu (vācieši ļoti efektīvi cilvēki). BUT there's never the fall, the feeling of the fall.. ir tikai "wtf just happened?" visticamāk tu zaudē līdzsvaru, jo jau esi zaudējis samaņu.

- Vai no sajūsmas par notiekošo var aizmirst, ka ir arī jāelpo?
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'Overemotional' is understating it [Jan. 27th, 2017|02:19 am]
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[Current Mood |jāceļas pēc 3 h]
[Current Music |two arabs riding bicycles outside my window]

First time I read GWTW I cried for two days, until my mother brought me A. Ripley's sequel. But only 13 years old I was young and impressionable.
Now more than twice that age I'm not that young, but it seems I'm even more impressionable. Just went through 20 minutes of hysterical crying and they haven't even lost Bonnie yet. (ups spoiler)

Un nerunāsim par to, kā es skatījos daiļšslidošanu.. all tears of awe and joy.

To sum up - we could say it's inadvisable to read your soul books when you're leading a solitary lifestyle.. not because of the loneliness and intermittent depression. But because - when you're on your own you don't have the guard up, you don't have to be a pillar of strength, instead you can be your feeble feminine emotional self, and no one will know.
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[Jan. 22nd, 2017|12:29 am]
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[Current Mood |amused]

- Sofija, you are totally misunderstanding Tinder. You should write to people in your proximity, so you could meet them. Not chatting with the people you sort of avoided before, now when there are miles between you (to be precise 984 km), and ignore all the new people in 1 km radius. You do you even "like" them if you're planning to ignore them?
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Forever not the person people want me to be [Jan. 21st, 2017|08:44 pm]
[Tags|]
[Current Mood |puckered]
[Current Music |radiotev.lv]

It took me a good 20 years to more or less like myself, to more or less accept that I'll never be good enough for my mum. To start enjoying the things I like without having a bad conscience about it. And not feeling bad about what I want and what I don't want.
And it is really sad that my best friend after 10 years of friendship suddenly tries to change me, which at first led to me being pissed, but lately leads to me growing apart from her and blocking things she says.

Un vsp - so what if I'd better take an extra shift at the clinic than go to drink overpriced drinks at the bar with people I don't know? [un as I said - there are people I would have gone to the bar with. I will not spend the evening mortifying myself..]
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20+ [Jan. 15th, 2017|11:01 pm]
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[Current Music |soļi aiz durvīm]

FYI: Another year has past - and I'm officially allowed to plunge into GWTW
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[Jan. 12th, 2017|10:17 pm]
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kad vācieši Tev iedala gumijniekus ar aizsargpurngaliem pret govs uzkāpšanu, un vecāki, būdami Berlīnē, paķers līdzi vilnas zeķes -> Dzīve iet uz labo pusi. Tagad tik līdz Berlīnei jāaizbrauc :D
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something "reassuring" I read on fb [Jan. 8th, 2017|02:20 pm]
[Tags|]
[Current Mood |extra introvert :D]
[Current Music |radiotev.lv]

"Yet another veterinarian took her own life yesterday, and another is in danger today. Another needed rescuing just a couple of weeks ago. Listen guys, your vet is not "in it for the money." They're not "uneducated about nutrition and vaccines." They're not trying to poison your pet to make a buck. They are struggling. Almost all of them. The kind of people who are attracted to veterinary medicine are compassionate, they are perfectionists, they are overachievers, and ironically, most of them are introverts and freaking exhausted by dealing with people all day. They care about your pets as much as you do, and often more so, in the (daily) cases of terrible pet owners who argue with them and neglect basic care for their pets."
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