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May 5th, 2016
11:00 pm - Nightmares and Ghosts
I am a horror story, I am dead girl walking. I am proof nightmares can come to life easier than whatever you wish for. And I am scared to the very depth of my exposed bones that it may be too late to redeem myself and reverse all that I've done. Not sure it's possible to convey this feeling of uncertainty over whether or not you will live through another day and the clear realisation you've done all this to yourself - no excuses, nobody else to blame. No delusions about even the closest of friends sticking around for the bitter end, because that's the only thing anyone can see when they look at you.
How did I get here? I honestly don't know. I never thought I would be one of them, because it's so illogical, irrational and so otherworldly and alien to think anyone could just go and starve themselves to death. But it happens, and it happens often. This time, it happened to me - still struggling to comprehend this is really for real. Understanding how and why is not a priority at this point, but definitely one of those things on the list. Stay tuned for more self-loathing and other little bits of horrible fun.
Unfortunately this is going to be yet another one of those anorexia blogs (and in many parts, too!). While tedious and perhaps even boring for most, it may be therapeutic for me in dealing with the overarching terror; and, who knows, maybe some of this can be useful in keeping someone else away from the monsters (hence the 'public').
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Comments:
You won't be alone, at least that much I can promise. |
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Sviesta Ciba |
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