just. i am little ashamed because i write words that come in my mind - i think that someone else might be thinking the same words at the same time and so i feel like a plagiat. but on the other hand the longer i write the more i get convinced that no-one can possibly think the same combination at the same time wich allowes me to escape. i bought a box of diapositivs of someones life, about 120 pieces in a neat metal box and so each diapositiv is numbered and named. i don't know if that is the right order, some of them might be displaced but when you see in tag section a number you will know that that is the number of a diapositiv as it is indicated in the box. i refrain myself of making too much sense because i don't want to be cought. i don't know why. sometimes when i suspect that i am making a grammatical error, that helps me feel less guilty.
grammar is order, so if I look at your innocence in this regard and if I think "that is a mistake, but it's an interesting mistake" ( - like thinking 'i vernacular' could be taken as a verb"), then I am still thinking in an ordered fashion. Making order out of the given order - I take what I can get: I can only allow myself to slip into disorder in a dream state when I have faith I can reassemble something ordered and workable later.
It's my problem. I like to mock it (the ordered way), but I am dependent on it.
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