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[Oct. 25th, 2007|08:06 am] |
Если в гости к вам пришли 10 человек, а у вас есть только 8 вилок для омаров - то остаётся только позавидовать вашим проблемам.
Доистоpическая эpа.
Отец смотpит в табель своего сына и говоpит:
- Я, конечно, могу понять то, что у тебя плохие оценки по геогpафии, математике, языку, но вот по истоpии, котоpой всего-то 2 стpаницы...
Вручение премии Оскар. Лучший фильм - ремейк "Чапаев".
Кадры из фильма: Василий Иваныч (Дензель Вашингтон) говорит Петьке (Уилл Смит):
- Скоро, Петька, всех белых перебьем, какая жизнь тогда начнется!
( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Oct. 25th, 2007|10:16 am] |
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Pērc un saņem balvu! :) ( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Oct. 25th, 2007|10:34 am] |
The Top Signs That a Firefight Is Imminent
- Your point man is signaling frantically, but "Ann Bush" just doesn't make any sense.
- Someone says "It's quiet. TOO quiet."
- Natives are walking past by the thousands, carrying their household belongings
- You accidentally knock over a row of Harleys outside the bar.
- One minute you're the platoon's rear guard, the next minute you're the platoon's point man.
- Your scouts are running towards you as fast as they can.
No TopFive.com |
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| Par Helovīnu :) |
[Oct. 25th, 2007|10:35 am] |
The Top Signs Your Trick-or-Treater Is a Doctor
- He's on your front step for less than 30 seconds. *You* get a bill the next day for $300.
- A kid dressed like an insurance agent follows him and takes 3/4 of his candy after each house.
- As the little vampire leaves, you catch a lingering "Dodge Viper" scent.
- Fifteen minutes before she arrives, her little brother comes to your door, hands you a clipboard, and asks you to update all of your insurance information.
- As he grabs your popcorn balls with rubber gloves, he asks you to cough.
- A kid dressed like a nurse rings your doorbell, yells "Trick or Treat!", asks to see your insurance card, takes your blood pressure and temp, makes you get undressed, and then tells you the next trick-or-treater will be with you shortly. An hour later ...
No TopFive.com |
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[Oct. 25th, 2007|10:38 am] |
The Top Differences Between Real-Life and Online Phys Ed Classes
- In school: Stinking gym shorts. Online: Pretty much the same.
- The downside? Mom has decided that vacuuming is exercise.
- In school: The bullies give the wedgies. Online: The geeks do it.
- School: there's 50% chance of getting whipped by a towel in the locker room. Online: you have to give a credit card number to get that kind of action.
- In school: Communal showers. Online: Blessed, blessed privacy... MOM! WHAT'RE YOU DOING IN HERE?!?
- In school: You suck at dodgeball. Online: You are a 12 Dodgeball Assassin and leave your opponents' heads in bleeding piles on the gym floor.
- In school: As they class takes a right-hand turn to run out to the softball field, you take a left to smoke under the bleachers. Online: You type with your right hand and you hold your smoke with your left. (clean version)
- In school: Coach's cruel taunts and questions about your sexuality. Online: Mom and Dad's cruel taunts and questions about your sexuality.
- In school: Locker room talk about whether the girls' gym teacher is, well, you know. Online: HotGymTeachersOnline.com leaves no doubt.
No TopFive.com |
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[Oct. 25th, 2007|10:47 am] |
Today our company had a motivational speaker give us some advice on working together. He said, "There is no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "There isn't one in 'phlegm,' either." They told me that I wouldn't have to go to the afternoon session. Am I management material or what?
Robert Dabritz
If there's one piece of advice I'd offer my former lover, it's this: Never enter a suicide pact without first checking to see if the other person's fingers are crossed.
David Gunter
No TopFive.com |
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[Oct. 25th, 2007|10:55 am] |
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Vēl par Ladu - šeit ;)) |
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[Oct. 25th, 2007|01:43 pm] |
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Nāc dienēt armijā! :) ( ... tālāk ... ) |
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