Indivīds ir un paliek indivīds, I know. Bet nu tā vispārīgi ņemot, divi pilnīgi nesaistīti jautājumi, kas man neliek mieru - cik tālu līdzīgām rīcībām čaļu emocijas var pielīdzināt meitenēm [lasi: man] esošajām? Un kurā brīdī čaļi [lasi: Artūrs] pārstāj uzvesties kā trīspadsmitgadīgas meitenes?

Šovakar žēl kā sevis, tā savas māsas.

Tags: pārdomas
Current Mood: saskumis
Current Music: kkādi dubstepa gabali

Ir lietas, kas jāmāk atstāt pagātnē. Ir lietas, par kurām jāmāk nedomāt un nepārdomāt. Ir lietas, kas jāmāk palaist vaļā. Un tāpat ir ar cilvēkiem. Tomēr tā ir prasme, kas jāattīsta un jāizkopj - tā nerodas pati no sevis un, ja vien neesi dzimis pofigists, tad zini, ka būs jāpieliek pūles, lai to iemācītos. Es vēl aizvien nemāku. Virzīties uz priekšu,, nejūtoties vainīga un atbildīga par visu, skaidri zinot, ka visa pasaule negriežas ap mani. Laiks maina visu - to, kā mēs atceramies notikumus, to, kā mēs jūtamies par izdarīto vai neizdarīto, to, kādas attiecības veidojam ar apkārtējiem. Tikai šinī brīdī un vietā to ir grūti sagremot. Šķiet, ka ir tā kā ir un tas nekad nemainīsies, viss paliks tā kā ir un sliktāk vai labāk nevar būt. Labi, ka tā nav un pēc kāda brīža pierādās, ka mūsu sajūtām tomēr nebija taisnība.

Es gaidu to brīdi.

Tags: pārdomas
Current Mood: saguris
Current Music: mtv fõnā

Visam ir savas robežas. Arī tam, cik tālu var izčakarēt savas smadzenes. Un šķiet, ka es esmu sasniegusi savējo.

Tags: pārdomas
Current Mood: grr
Current Music: -

Seems like I'm addicted to problems. When everything is going fine and school is starting to feel like I can handle it, I turn around in my head and make up things to make myself confused, uncertain and .. occupied, I guess. Studying for tests at the last minute is nothing to be surprised about, I know that and I don't see it as a problem anymore. For a moment it's just a way of life. I'll get over it, I know it.

My own head is playing tricks on me and too much thought can't kill you but it can definitely damage you.

Tags: pārdomas
Current Mood: saguris
Current Music: mtv fõnā

Fourth day here.

There are times I laugh so hard it literally aches inside me.
There are times I want to cry so desperately it would make all the pain go away.

There are times I'm so freakishly glad I'm back.
There are times I don't want to be here at all.

~ 10 movies during this time. Some would call it hiding. Some would be right maybe.

Tags: pārdomas
Current Mood: thinking
Current Music: Jason Mraz - Lucky

When you have to say a kind of permanent goodbye to a place and memories, it hurts. Like hell. I don't think that I have had so many tears in the last couple of years as I had had in the last couple of days. And so what if they're just a few tears for a minute or so, they're still there and it hurts. I'm not sad about those people I know I'll meet and I know exactly when I'm gonna meet them. I just miss them and that's all. I'm sad about those I won't and I know it. About those I have grown used to and know that there's just a slight possibility somewhere in the [distant] future that I'm going to meet them again. With some of them I let myself open up as far as most likely never before. Especially in the last few days. And now it hurts even more. As I said before - I AM a broken person, I just hope this won't make me more. Maybe it'll make me a stronger one.

Tags: france, pārdomas
Current Mood: - - -
Current Music: - - - - -

I'm a fucked up person. Finally I know it for sure. I was mad with this one guy for treating me the way he did, but now I figure it was the best way. Cause me, being as totally messed up as he is, the only difference being that I finally admit that, tried to give it a chance and ended up.. torturing people for nothing. I'm not worth it and I know it. The worst part is - I cannot guarantee that the next time I won't try to give it a shot either. God help those poor people who'll have to try to deal with me not even knowing where they have been dragged into.

[Well, Disney says that everything starts with a dream, so maybe one day..]

Tags: france, neatceries, pārdomas
Current Mood: fucked up
Current Music: Wankelmut - One day

Only thanks to few Italian people at my work I started to believe again that there ARE nice and really wonderful Italians.
Thanks to my two month relationship with different kind of dark skinned people I seriously believe that there are basic differences between me and them. Well, I could say the same about Spanish people. [Kind of.] Don't know about the French yet. The fact that my best friends here are Lithuanian, Danish/Swedish, English and Latvian people cannot be a coincidence.

But then again - I [and they] do have a month to reconsider and change my mind.

Starting to feel the urge to write again.

Tags: france, pārdomas
Current Mood: Thinking hard
Current Music: Tangled