When you have to say a kind of permanent goodbye to a place and memories, it hurts. Like hell. I don't think that I have had so many tears in the last couple of years as I had had in the last couple of days. And so what if they're just a few tears for a minute or so, they're still there and it hurts. I'm not sad about those people I know I'll meet and I know exactly when I'm gonna meet them. I just miss them and that's all. I'm sad about those I won't and I know it. About those I have grown used to and know that there's just a slight possibility somewhere in the [distant] future that I'm going to meet them again. With some of them I let myself open up as far as most likely never before. Especially in the last few days. And now it hurts even more. As I said before - I AM a broken person, I just hope this won't make me more. Maybe it'll make me a stronger one.

Tags: france, pārdomas
Current Mood: - - -
Current Music: - - - - -

My last week in Disneyland has officially begun. Šorīt pavadīju uz lidostu Editu, neapraudājos un viss bija kārtībā. Toties pirms kādas pusstundas gan man bija maziņš breakdowniņš un nekur vairs negribējās ne iet, ne ko darīt. Vasara beigusies, jāatgriežas realitātē un jāmēģina pievērsties īstajai dzīvei, lai gan pašlaik tik ļoti to negribās. Domāju galvā visādus plānus, kā te varētu palikt un ko darīt un visu citu. Bet tajā pašā laikā zinu, ka tad, kad atgriezīšos mājās, atkal pieradīšu pie tā visa, būs ok. Man vēl aizvien būs draugi all over the Europe un dzīve nebeidzas te un tagad.

(: Enjoy the last week without me, Latvia!

Tags: france
Current Mood: skumjš
Current Music: putekļu sūcējs un klīning leidī

I'm a fucked up person. Finally I know it for sure. I was mad with this one guy for treating me the way he did, but now I figure it was the best way. Cause me, being as totally messed up as he is, the only difference being that I finally admit that, tried to give it a chance and ended up.. torturing people for nothing. I'm not worth it and I know it. The worst part is - I cannot guarantee that the next time I won't try to give it a shot either. God help those poor people who'll have to try to deal with me not even knowing where they have been dragged into.

[Well, Disney says that everything starts with a dream, so maybe one day..]

Tags: france, neatceries, pārdomas
Current Mood: fucked up
Current Music: Wankelmut - One day

Only thanks to few Italian people at my work I started to believe again that there ARE nice and really wonderful Italians.
Thanks to my two month relationship with different kind of dark skinned people I seriously believe that there are basic differences between me and them. Well, I could say the same about Spanish people. [Kind of.] Don't know about the French yet. The fact that my best friends here are Lithuanian, Danish/Swedish, English and Latvian people cannot be a coincidence.

But then again - I [and they] do have a month to reconsider and change my mind.

Starting to feel the urge to write again.

Tags: france, pārdomas
Current Mood: Thinking hard
Current Music: Tangled

Miss my dog. Of course, everybody knows that.
Miss home and forest behind my window.
Miss my bed and peaceful book reading late at nights.
Miss my weird friends who's weirdness I understand and am a part of.
Miss stupid experiments and all the other crazy/ordinary things I'm doing back home.
Miss bridge-people and time I spent with them.
Miss pictures and random stuff on the walls and in shelves [miss shelves as they are too].
Miss not thinking and over-thinking what I'm going to say and how I'm supposed to express that.

Miss not giving a sh*t.
Or having more things to give a sh*t about.

Tags: france
Current Mood: sort of sad
Current Music: Snow Patrol - Shut your eyes

She was so totally right when she said my life is never plain. It's either dreamy good or terribly bad. And it's just the way it goes. Had some four days of the ninth circle of hell when I seriously was considering putting my head into oven or smth. Now, the last two days.. Oh, they're great. Having random fun with random people, getting to know some interesting people [lasi: cute guys] and improvising every day. And, of course, celebrating every day spent without pain.

Some people are having their crazy years at 16, 18 or 20, I'm having them now or so it seems. And I'm totally enjoying every singe minute of that. Have no idea what tomorrow will bring, and don't care actually. Just enjoying the ride.

France really changes people. I'm discovering some serious superpowers I never knew I had before. Pity, sometimes they don't work on the right people though. :P Well, nobody's perfect. Have to leave SOME space for improvement, don't I..

Tags: france, gūd things
Current Mood: eksaitēd
Current Music: Florence + The Machine

Apsveicu vārda dienā, Madar. Un kā dāvanu tu saņem ellīgakās zobu sāpes šinī gadsimtā un nekādas iespējas viņas likvidēt. Goda vārds, vienīgais par ko es šobrīd esmu spējīga domāt, ir tas, kā lai izrauj to zobu. Es pat nedomāju, ka būšu spējīga rīt strādāt.

Enjoying France.

Tags: france, sāpes
Current Mood: - - -
Current Music: splošnaja boļ

Told ya. Too many good things were happening and now I'm paying for that. Not such a great time yesterday, a little bit of depression today.. Let's hope it's not progressing and not gonna be worse tomorrow.

Write me some cool letters and something so i know what's happening with you. A reply guaranteed.

Tags: france
Current Mood: not gūd
Current Music: Muse - Survival

Well, apparently you CAN make a party on Monday after all. It didn't feel like it though at 10 pm or even at 11 pm. We were sitting in Heriette's place and drinking tekila's shots by ourselves. While I was getting to the Latvian apartment even Bradley and David went back home. So I went to their place and got Bradley out of bed and basically forced him to come. And then when we got back - shit loads of people all over the place talking about going to another apartment because there's nobody sleeping upstairs.

So it did turn out to be a good party with me discovering my own personal black hole. And - how many people can say that they have one? :P

[Too many good things happening though..]

Tags: atskaite, france, gūd things
Current Mood: smailī
Current Music: Runaway Baby

Salut!

Tout est bon est just magnifique.. Es zinu, ka pēc labajiem periodiem parasti man nāk totāli sliktie, bet tas tikai liek man vēl vairāk izbaudīt labos kā šis.. Ceturtdien sasodītais Sports Bar ar random people, piektdien Sports Bar ar darba biedriem un tad Billy Bob's ar tiem pašiem biedriem un bariņu jokainu cilvēku. Un tad nāk sestdiena, kur es no rīta strādāju [lai gan es strādāju arī iepriekšējās dienas] un tad randomā aizbraucu uz Parīzi, apskatu Eifeļa torni, par kuru es noteikti nevaru piekrist, ka dienas gaismā viņš izskatās kā elektrības stabs.. Redzēju, izbaudīju, priecājos, lai gan, noteikti - tumsā viņš ir vēl iespaidīgāks. Un Notre Dame.. Ak, tik milzīga, superīga un lieliska.. Tad atrbraucu mājās, satieku Emīliju, aiztieku līdz Billy Bob's, atkal noballējos līdz pustrijiem un tad mēs ejam uz 37.o numuru jeb Bradly's place to have spagetti and fun. Till 4 a.m. in the morning which totally cool. Šodiena ar ceļu uz kkādu vietu nekurienes vidū un brī, tomātiem, maizi un vīnu milzīgu koku paēnā un lietu.. Un rīt, varbūt, ballīte pie kaimiņiem vai pie mums, not entirely sure about that.

Īsumā - varbūt es pat redzēšu betmenu kkad drīz. Varbūt es pat nenomiršu badā. Varbūt es šeit pazīstu loads of cool people. Varbūt es varu arī patikt cilvēkiem.

Tags: atskaite, france, gūd things
Current Mood: slīpī & hangrī
Current Music: dubstep

Skaiti kā gribi - četrās nedēļās, mēnesī no datuma līdz datumam - bet viņš ir pagājis. Un es viņu atzīmēju tā, ka atcerēšos. Vai tas ir uz labu vai sliktu, laiks rādīs. Galvenais, ka ir jautri un dzīve notiek. Patiesībā es priecājos, ka otrdienas ballīte tika atcelta sakarā ar neiespējamību dabūt atļauju, cause I'm starting to gain a reputation in here.. Diemžēl cilvēkiem ir kreizī ideas to go to Paris and have fun there that night. And everybody's like: oh, Madara, don't make us beg you, we know you want to come. At this point I'm just hoping I have to work the next morning, cause if that's the case, I'm totally not going.. It's enough with one weekend without sleep. The main thing - no matter how crazy these last few days have been, they have also been fun and really good. I enjoyed them. And now - to sleep and to new adventures. Oh, shit.. That reminds me of that freakin' challenge Edita is trying to put me up to.. I still haven't said 'challenge accepted' although I won't deny it, it's tempting. And totally crazy.

Sasodīts. Tikko pamanīju pāreju valodās. Un nobijos [it's happening too natural and fast now..]

Tags: france, gūd things
Current Mood: intrestīng
Current Music: "it's friday, friday, gotta get down on friday.." in head

Paredzētā ballīte tika realizēta un mēs uz pāris stundām bijām Billy Bob's. Īss kopsavilkums: dejot ir forši, Parīzes Disnejlenda ir pilna ar dīvainiem cilvēkiem, apsargi šeit cītīgi novaktē tā pavairāk iedzērušos un laipni palūdz atstāt telpas un tas ir jokaini, es dievinu 'Desperados' un būs tas brīnums veikalā jānopērk.
Šodien Izabella arī gribēja iet un vismaz biš pasēdēt [14. jūlijs, kā nekā. Francijas nacionālie svētki un visi, kas nestrādā, brauc uz Parīzi]. Bet es esmu totāli slima ar savu kaklu un pašlaik ceru, ka tas nav tik briesmīgi kā liekas [es pat parunāt bez sāpēm nevaru], jo es tomēr tač nepaņēmu tās kakla tabletes, lai gan mamma lika. Mamma laikam jāklausa.

Sāk aptrūkties paika. Un šonedēļ es neizdarīšu to pašu kļūdu ko pagājušajā nedēļā, jo nu es atceros, ka rīt ir svētdiena un veikali nestrādā.. :P

Mēneša baigās iznāk The Dark Knight Rises. Ak, kā es uz viņu iešu! Tikai augustā, kad jau būs alga.

Un es vēl aizvien neesmu izdarījusi nevienu no trīs punktiem.. Man tā liekas.

Tags: atskaite, france
Current Mood: sik
Current Music: Snow Patrol

Vienu brīdi bija labāk un es pat varēju gulēt savā mazajā gultiņā vienā istabā ar to meiteni. Šonakt atkal esmu lejā, dzivojamajā istabā.. Un man sāp kakls, tā tik vēl trūka lai es te saslimtu. Aptieka gan pat šitajā miestā ir, nebūtu pat nekur jābrauc, bet kā franciski paprasīt kakla tabletes? Vispār man ir trīs svarīgi uzdevumi:
1. aiziet uz banku pēc savas bankas kartes, kurā pagaidām nav ne centa;
2. aiznest visus reimbursement papīrus uz to kabinetu iekš Imaginations otrā stāva, lai man jūlija beigās tiktu kāda papildus naudiņa;
3. aiztikt līdz Auchan pēc telefona un franču numura, ko, ja ticēt Izabellai [un viņa ir zviedriete], var dabūt pa 25 eiro, kas būtu riktīgi kruti.

Un piektdien jāiet ballēties uz Billy Bob's.. Tas nekas, ka jāstrādā. Tonight [read: that night] we are young. :P

PS. !! Man šodien pastāstīja, kur Parīzē var atrast kinīti, kurā ir iespējams noskatīties filmas angliski !! Which means.. ka es tomēr varēšu noskatīties The Dark Knight Rises.

Tags: atgādinājums, atskaite, france
Current Mood: headaches and sleep
Current Music: snoring upstairs

* Internets ir draņķis.
* Ar draugiem parunāt ir neiespējami.
* Jāmācās un jālasa un jākļūst gudrai.
* Te ir pārāk daudz spāņu.
* Es totāli jūku prātā.

Tags: france, murgi
Current Mood: givmīslīp
Current Music: ledusskapis

* Nopirku kurpes.
* Biju ballēties.
* Atradu mediatēku.
* Paņēmu viņā Ņū Mūn franciski.
* Strādāju.
* Ēdu neveselīgu pārtiku un dzeru kolu.
* Brīnos par laikapstākļiem.
* Iepazīstos ar cilvēkiem.
* Vēl aizvien nesaprotu valodu.
* Dzīvoju.

Tags: atskaite, france
Current Mood: gūd
Current Music: -