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Izplatu muļķības
Surviving
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Technical difficulties.
Why isn't life like a Word document - ctrl+A and then ctrl+alt+delete.. Seriously wish I could just re-start EVERYTHING. Error everywhere and too cowardish to do smth about it.

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Current Mood: galīgs pī
Current Music: tv otrā istabā

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Dark shadows.
After few weeks of struggle dark forces have finally taken over.
It's too late for everything. And once again - I have fucked up all I could have.
Metjū fõnā dzied "Free me from this world, i don't belong here" un neko citu es vairs nedzirdu. [+ vēl pēdējo rindiņu "Shhh, go to sleep".]

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Current Mood: nav
Current Music: Muse - Explorers

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Open season.
Today it feels like somebody has announced an open hunt for my soul. Everybody who has a bit of time and who are not too lazy - try this new attraction and see - maybe you can succeed, it's not like you can lose anything by trying your hand at it. Well, I can.

As if school dramas wouldn't be enough, I'm almost feeling one creeping up to me in my previously so boring ordinary life. There are so many things that make/leave me confused and .. fucked up in my mind. I know that we all are somehow screwed up by our previous lives and experiences but right now I'm just afraid that the point at which I'm gonna be damaged beyond repairing is not far. At least when it comes to people, trusting them, being friends with them, caring about them, not being able to say 'no' to them, trying to understand them..

Don't hunt me down just to rip me into pieces. Please.

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Current Mood: despereišans kaind of
Current Music: Lifehouse

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wtf.
Vnk dīvaini.
Notiek kkāda mistika.
Katru dienu arvien vairāk un dīvaināk.

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Current Mood:
Current Music: muse - unsustainable

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Playing for the keeps.
Back in the game! Even if just for a little while, but still. Pagājušajā nedēļā ar Miku bijām pēdējie ar 30 pročiem un Nauris uz mani greizi paskatījās un pateica, ka galīgi esmu aizmirsusi, kā spēlēt tajā Francijā. Šodien jau bija labāk. :P 65,5 procenti un otrie. Paši gan nesapratām, kā tikām otrie, bet.. varbūt ar to, ka esam forši, pietiek. (party) Vismaz šoreiz.

Druvas Dūzi, saturies! Mēs gatavojamies. Kā jefiņi gan, bet gatavojamies.

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Current Mood: gūd tīred
Current Music: PV - Ziemā

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Fourth day here.

There are times I laugh so hard it literally aches inside me.
There are times I want to cry so desperately it would make all the pain go away.

There are times I'm so freakishly glad I'm back.
There are times I don't want to be here at all.

~ 10 movies during this time. Some would call it hiding. Some would be right maybe.

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Current Mood: thinking
Current Music: Jason Mraz - Lucky

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- - - -
When you have to say a kind of permanent goodbye to a place and memories, it hurts. Like hell. I don't think that I have had so many tears in the last couple of years as I had had in the last couple of days. And so what if they're just a few tears for a minute or so, they're still there and it hurts. I'm not sad about those people I know I'll meet and I know exactly when I'm gonna meet them. I just miss them and that's all. I'm sad about those I won't and I know it. About those I have grown used to and know that there's just a slight possibility somewhere in the [distant] future that I'm going to meet them again. With some of them I let myself open up as far as most likely never before. Especially in the last few days. And now it hurts even more. As I said before - I AM a broken person, I just hope this won't make me more. Maybe it'll make me a stronger one.

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Current Mood: - - -
Current Music: - - - - -

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Last song/week.
My last week in Disneyland has officially begun. Šorīt pavadīju uz lidostu Editu, neapraudājos un viss bija kārtībā. Toties pirms kādas pusstundas gan man bija maziņš breakdowniņš un nekur vairs negribējās ne iet, ne ko darīt. Vasara beigusies, jāatgriežas realitātē un jāmēģina pievērsties īstajai dzīvei, lai gan pašlaik tik ļoti to negribās. Domāju galvā visādus plānus, kā te varētu palikt un ko darīt un visu citu. Bet tajā pašā laikā zinu, ka tad, kad atgriezīšos mājās, atkal pieradīšu pie tā visa, būs ok. Man vēl aizvien būs draugi all over the Europe un dzīve nebeidzas te un tagad.

(: Enjoy the last week without me, Latvia!

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Current Mood: skumjš
Current Music: putekļu sūcējs un klīning leidī

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Chasing dreams.
I'm a fucked up person. Finally I know it for sure. I was mad with this one guy for treating me the way he did, but now I figure it was the best way. Cause me, being as totally messed up as he is, the only difference being that I finally admit that, tried to give it a chance and ended up.. torturing people for nothing. I'm not worth it and I know it. The worst part is - I cannot guarantee that the next time I won't try to give it a shot either. God help those poor people who'll have to try to deal with me not even knowing where they have been dragged into.

[Well, Disney says that everything starts with a dream, so maybe one day..]

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Current Mood: fucked up
Current Music: Wankelmut - One day

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After-work.
Only thanks to few Italian people at my work I started to believe again that there ARE nice and really wonderful Italians.
Thanks to my two month relationship with different kind of dark skinned people I seriously believe that there are basic differences between me and them. Well, I could say the same about Spanish people. [Kind of.] Don't know about the French yet. The fact that my best friends here are Lithuanian, Danish/Swedish, English and Latvian people cannot be a coincidence.

But then again - I [and they] do have a month to reconsider and change my mind.

Starting to feel the urge to write again.

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Current Mood: Thinking hard
Current Music: Tangled

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When I shut my eyes.
Miss my dog. Of course, everybody knows that.
Miss home and forest behind my window.
Miss my bed and peaceful book reading late at nights.
Miss my weird friends who's weirdness I understand and am a part of.
Miss stupid experiments and all the other crazy/ordinary things I'm doing back home.
Miss bridge-people and time I spent with them.
Miss pictures and random stuff on the walls and in shelves [miss shelves as they are too].
Miss not thinking and over-thinking what I'm going to say and how I'm supposed to express that.

Miss not giving a sh*t.
Or having more things to give a sh*t about.

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Current Mood: sort of sad
Current Music: Snow Patrol - Shut your eyes

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what anna said.
She was so totally right when she said my life is never plain. It's either dreamy good or terribly bad. And it's just the way it goes. Had some four days of the ninth circle of hell when I seriously was considering putting my head into oven or smth. Now, the last two days.. Oh, they're great. Having random fun with random people, getting to know some interesting people [lasi: cute guys] and improvising every day. And, of course, celebrating every day spent without pain.

Some people are having their crazy years at 16, 18 or 20, I'm having them now or so it seems. And I'm totally enjoying every singe minute of that. Have no idea what tomorrow will bring, and don't care actually. Just enjoying the ride.

France really changes people. I'm discovering some serious superpowers I never knew I had before. Pity, sometimes they don't work on the right people though. :P Well, nobody's perfect. Have to leave SOME space for improvement, don't I..

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Current Mood: eksaitēd
Current Music: Florence + The Machine

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what sofia said.
But I'm just hoping it does kill me at this moment. Zobārsts ne vella nepalīdzēja, tikai izrakstīja zāles. Būtu labāk to zobu vnk izrāvis. Tagad man ir jāturpina mocīties ellē.

I will have to be Hulk-strong after this or it wasn't worth it.

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Current Mood: elle^7
Current Music: dunoņa galvā

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Daudz laimes!
Apsveicu vārda dienā, Madar. Un kā dāvanu tu saņem ellīgakās zobu sāpes šinī gadsimtā un nekādas iespējas viņas likvidēt. Goda vārds, vienīgais par ko es šobrīd esmu spējīga domāt, ir tas, kā lai izrauj to zobu. Es pat nedomāju, ka būšu spējīga rīt strādāt.

Enjoying France.

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Current Mood: - - -
Current Music: splošnaja boļ

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Because I told so.
Told ya. Too many good things were happening and now I'm paying for that. Not such a great time yesterday, a little bit of depression today.. Let's hope it's not progressing and not gonna be worse tomorrow.

Write me some cool letters and something so i know what's happening with you. A reply guaranteed.

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Current Mood: not gūd
Current Music: Muse - Survival

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