Axa

Protams šodien ir Valentīna diena un gandrīz vai ir pienākums visiem samīļot vienam otru un darīt dažādas romantiskas lietiņas.

Savā ziņā esmu vienmēr bijusi skeptiķe ja runa iet par mīlestību, protams tā man ir un esmu to apdzejojusi neskaitāmas reizes, bet tīri teorētiski arī spriedusi par šīm lietām.

Man negribas sacerēt neko jaunu un jau ļoti ilgi neesmu to darījusi, tāpēc padalīšos ar nelielu retrospekciju šajā tēmā manos agrākajos darbos.

Vispirms nedaudz filozofijas par tēmu, kas mani pārņēma vēl 2004. gada oktobrī:

We were discussing not long ago how love can make some people head over heals with happiness that they see the whole world through pink sunglasses. But the strange thing with me is that when I think of LOVE, I mostly feel pain or I just associate it with LOVE.
It’s hard to say why, but I might have a clue…
First of all I have to say that I do agree that there are different degrees and maybe even forms of LOVE, though at the base it holds just one thing. I believe that to feel love for someone (human or animal, but only living or once living things count, certainly not objects) is to give them a piece of yourself. So this might be also the way to weigh love, by the amount of your soul that you give to another. Absolute LOVE would simply destroy a mare human being. But then if the ones that you love return your love, you gain new strength and can go on. There is only one catch to this fact, and that is that you might not be yourself anymore. If you swap your soul for pieces from others, you become part of them. This is a very strong tie, one that is hard to break. In reality this doesn’t mean that you feel happier, this only brings you more pain. Since you are divided, you feel for every one of those that you love. The more you love the more pain you can receive. Of course potentially more happiness as well, but it never works that way, not in our world at least.
As a parallel to this theory I would like to mention some holy men and women who LOVED so much that they disappeared, went on to a different realm or were simply scattered to the four corners of the world. I am not a Christian and I don’t want to offend anyone, but I would like to take Christ as an example here. The story (or truth if you wish) goes that he love all men and women, so much that he forsake himself in their name. He suffered for his LOVE; I don’t think he felt happy about this. He was able to rise from his grave, because in return many loved him back, but he could no longer stay as he was. What truly happened to him, we cannot say (only believe what we will). The Yogi undergo extensive meditation in which they calm themselves to a level so integrated with the world, that they disappear and become one with the universe. There are many legends, which have become religions all over the world based on universal LOVE.
The price that we have to pay for loving another is that we can lose ourselves in the process. If you deeply love someone, you can give yourself up for them.
With love comes great pain.
I love this world and many people in it. I know how much pain there is and I share it.

Pilnīgi anti Valentīndienas garā un tiem, kam slinkums lasīt garus tekstus neliela dzeja no maniem 2005. gada krājumiem:

Accursed Love

A plague on all who love

For love is only an illusion

A sickness that strikes mankind

A beast that feasts on our hearts

A malady that impairs our mind

Lovers are all but fouls

Their eyes covered by a veil

Vision to see only what is fair

Ears deaf to that which is truly there

Hearing but the sweet song of pure lust

Forsaken our these feelings

To live in love is such a curse

A spell that lifts so high above

But sends us crashing to the rocks

Just lifeless husks left lonely in despair

Cinisms nav zudis, taču pēdējie darbi kas tapa kā reiz par iemīlēšanos bija (2006.g.):

In love

Every morning I wake
Hoping to hear you say good day

Without you I really ache
All that I see seems just plain gray

I smile just for your sake
Trying to imagine the way we play

No matter how hard I shake
My love for you just won't go away

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