25 September 2003 @ 09:37 am
 
God and the Computer


In the beginning there was the computer. And God typed:
%Let there be light!
#Please login.
%login God
#Password?.
%Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
%Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
%Technocrat
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

%Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
%Create light
#Done
%Run heaven_and_earth
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
%Let there be firmament in the midst of waters dividing the waters
which are under and above the firmament
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
%Create firmament
#Done.
%Run firmament
#And God created the heaven. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
%Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place
and let the dry land appear and
#Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
%Create dry_land
#Done.
%Run dry_land
#And God created the Earth & Seas. God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
%Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night
#Unspecified type. Try again.
%Create sun_moon_stars
#Done
%Run sun_moon_stars
#And God created the sun moon and stars. And God saw there were 0
errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.

#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
%Create fish
#Done
%Create fowl
#Done
%Run fish, fowl
#And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature
that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and
every winged fowl after its kind.
#And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.
%Create cattle
#Done
%Create creepy_things
#Done
%Now let us make man in our image
#Unspecified type. Try again.
%Create man
#Done
%Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it
and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl
of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the
earth
#Too many command operands. Try again.
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 6 errors.
%Insert breath
#Done
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 5 errors.
%Move man to Garden of Eden
#File Garden of Eden does not exist.
%Create Garden.edn
#Done
%Move man to Garden.edn
#Done
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 4 errors.
%Copy woman from man
#Done
%Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 2 errors.
%Create desire
#Done
%Run multiplication
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
%Create freewill
#Done
%Run freewill
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run of multiplication. 1 errors.
%Undo desire
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
%Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
%Help
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
%Create tree_of_knowledge
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in
Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run of multiplication. 1 errors.
%Create good, evil
#Done
%Activate evil
#And God saw he had created shame.
#Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in
Garden.edn. 1 errors.
%Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
#Search failed.
%Delete shame
#Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
%Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
%Stop
#Unrecognizable command. Try again
%Break
%Break
%Break
#ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN
FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES.
PLEASE LOG OFF.
%Create new world
#You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old
files before new ones can be created.
%Destroy earth
#Destroy earth: Are you sure you want to destroy earth? (Y or N)
%Y
#COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY,
#MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.
#And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.

#MARCH 8 AT 6:01 AM
#Please login.
%login God
#ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER MALFUNCTION
#USER FILE CORRUPTED * PLEASE SIGN IN AS NEW AGAIN
#SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE
%NEW
#PLEASE ENTER A USER NAME TO BE USED ON THIS SYSTEM
%God
#NAME ALREADY TAKEN * PLEASE CHOOSE ANOTHER NAME
%who is God
#God = B.GATES * NO FURTHER INFORMATION AVAILABLE

#And NEW logged off
 
 
( Post a new comment )
--[info]ripp on September 25th, 2003 - 09:42 am
;D jauks gabals :D
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[info]jerrym on September 25th, 2003 - 09:52 am
sasodīti vecs, bet labs joks ;)
(Reply) (Link)
tiny honey pot[info]thp on September 25th, 2003 - 12:56 pm
pashas beigas bija miiljas ;)
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[info]driznaks on September 27th, 2003 - 03:00 am
Genesis

In the beginning God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.
And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.
And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.
And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.
And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.
And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.
And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good.
But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs?
And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.
And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse.
And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows could replace it.
So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmer that it was good.
And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !
And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows.
And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Bill's help.
And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.
And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password.
GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT
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phoenix[info]phoenix on September 28th, 2003 - 04:33 pm
nezinu kapēc, bet mani fascinē šādas variēšanas par pirmsākumiem
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