THE BLOG - doomed to wander and wish...

pārlasīju savus dzejolīšus, klausoties The Birthday Massacre. aizlidot var, goda vārds... daudz to stulbo dzejoļu ir sakrājies, bet katrs tomēr joprojām izraisa toreizējo emociju. katrs ir stāsts par kaut ko notikušu. interesanti, bet tomēr bezjēdzīgi. un vispār jau arī skumji.

does freedom taste like freedom, now once we have it?
the sky is free, we just have to fly
but do we know where...?


before the gliding emptiness of the night, coming on us,
street lanterns throw shapes of old companions
and a cold, cold pause after, making me remember
of how people like to play, shameless and cruel,
how I always go so deep, that parting is tearing them apart
why do I still linger on...?

I run with you inside of me
entering layers of darkness into the swaddling of night
with accelerating thoughts
in the velocity of the city's emotions
constantly moving, but inside standing still
searching for words to cut through the screams inside my ears
the pain of neglect and addictions running with your voice in my throat,
you, calling out my name,
searching for refuge while I searched for mine,
on your earth of many souls and many gods

I followed you, I would have followed you much further
pretty much till the end, if you just had let me in
if I had not to crash and break in uninvited
but would it be any fun if I had not fell?
I still learned a lot

I am coming towards it the way the trickster stands in a crowded room,
abusing himself with his false accomplishments,
insulting the world with indifference to his failure.
I am coming towards my greatness. I'm coming towards it...

how can I describe the indescribable feeling -
the touch when my hands gleam in the wind with such ease
the smell of sweat mixing with the city and the rain,
this place toying with me... holding me captive, but I'm free
the feeling of the cold sand when I shape the earth,
the lack of emotions when the tide extends and my work is eaten away

what do I do, now I've reached the edge?
the cliff is steep to the plain below
miles upon miles of empty air
and no hand will I hold, but your hand.
only then I am not affraid...
what do I do when
smothering blackness of night engulfs me?
coldly dark, so dark I tingle with sudden fear