An old person is like a Slinky: Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
My father taught me to swim the hard way - he threw me out into the middle of a lake! Learning to swim that way wasn't easy, but the really hard part was getting out of the burlap bag!
It's hell to get old. A man said, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," another woman replied, "It's Thursday." An old man chimed in, "So am I. Let's go get a Coke."
If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
My grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I don’t mind him reading lips, but he uses a yellow highlighter.
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.
A lawyer meets the devil. The devil says, "I will give you countless riches now if you give me your eternal soul and the souls of all your family." The lawyer says, "What's the catch?"
A woman says to a man, "Make me feel like a real woman." The man says, "Here, iron this." |
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