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[Jan. 22nd, 2011|02:49 pm] |
Интернет как канализация: пользы много, но столько дерьма!
Чтобы хорошо думать о людях, по ним надо хорошо соскучиться.
Никто уже не винит власть за то, что оторвалась от народа,- лишь бы поменьше отрывала...
Психоаналитик - это такой человек, который за ваши же деньги объяснит вам, какой вы мудак...
Новое наказание для российских чиновников: Строгий президентский Выговор в Твиттере с занесением в Facebook.
После того как появились интернет форумы и возможность оставлять комментарии, стены общественных туалетов стали чище.
Минфин России выступил с резкой критикой нового МММ, подчеркнув, что циничный обман населения является исключительной прерогативой Министерства финансов.
Забавная закономерность: если старательно уложить волосы феном, то причёска сохраняется до первой шапки, но вот укладка "Лёг спать с мокрыми волосами" упорно держится до следующей помывки...
- Почему наши чиновники и депутаты отличаются такой упитанностью?
- Это их распирает от гордости за страну!
( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Jan. 22nd, 2011|02:49 pm] |
The other day at the club I had a truly bizarre angel/devil-on-the-shoulders moment. The angel said I should be ashamed for what I was asking that girl to do for a $1 tip; the devil *agreed* -- and told me to see if she would take 50 cents.
Paul B.
If I ever start a religion, it's definitely going to require human sacrifice-- beginning with the next Jehovah's Witness that comes to my door.
Lee Entrekin
"Maybe it's time we put an end to our tradition of passing down family names," Grandpa Adolf Pol Pot Whoremonger mused.
Bob Van Voris
My husband told me the only way to check for testicular cancer is the smear Cool Whip on his jewels, then lick it off. I can't wait to see his reaction when I try a new way I've come up with that involves a scalpel and a bottle of vinegar.
Lori Petterson
When I entered the office, everyone stared at me with that "deer in the headlights" look. I should have had those brakes checked last week.
Jerry L. Embry
At first, I was really impressed when my dog wrote a novel. But then I read it, and I think those seven chapters about walking in a circle and then lying down may keep it off the best-seller lists.
Jeffrey Anbinder
The secret to a good marriage: No matter how many promises you make to be completely honest with each other, never respond to your wife's "What are thinking about?" question with an answer that involves football, beer or her sister's breasts.
Brad Wilkerson
When I was a child, I accidentally saw my grandparents having sex. My psychiatrist tells me that's why I'm afraid of prunes.
Jerry L. Embry
No TopFive.com |
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[Jan. 22nd, 2011|03:15 pm] |
The Top Signs You Spend Way Too Much Time on Facebook
- Mark Zuckerberg just called to suggest you go out for some air, otherwise they'll have to start charging you by the hour.
- You teach courses in Farmville at Texas A&M. ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Signs You're at a Bad Circus
- When you laugh at a clown, he goes all Joe Pesci on you.
- The "Man Shot from a Canon!" is just some guy getting his picture taken. ( ... tālāk ... )
Hydrogen peroxide was found to be the signal that attracts white blood cells to an injury.
The Top Chemicals with Biological Functions
- Lye: Inhibits honest behavior.
- Furfural: Controls hairiness. ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Poor Responses to the Question "Are You Seeing Someone Else?"
- "Seeing her? Hell, I'm banging her like a tambourine!"
- "Actually I don't see much, thanks to the zippered latex mask Mistress Angelique makes me wear." ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Rejected Car Names
- Chevy Splodesonimpact
- Dodge Vindow Viper ( ... tālāk ... ) |
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