Catholicism: if shit happens, I deserve it.
Protestantism: shit won't happen if I work harder.
Judaism: why does this shit always happen to me?
Buddhism: when shit happens, is it really shit?
Islam: if shit happens, take a hostage.
Hinduism: this shit happened before.
Hare Krishna: shit happens Rama Lama Ding Dong.
Rastafarianism: lets smoke this shit.