Here, Felix is at home with me now, and we're taking propper care of him, as Britanny said- " all of us knew he was going down, but we failed to ackowledge it ", we're gonna make the most of what we've got left with him, I've arranged a trip to America, Felix always wanted to go, just after the New Year. It's funny, everyone succeeded to give their well wishes and reply when I informed them of Felix's condition, apart from Emma. That is kind of dodgy, if you ask me, from all the things I've heard about her, it comes as no surprise, she gives out the impression that she doesn't care, which is what Felix said all along.
Anyway, it was really sweet, Layla ( Mishell's older sister ) came to visit him too with her little daughter Laura, she said: " Look, honey, there's your uncle Felix. " of course Christelle had to spoil the moment, she snorted: " Stupidity, how can that be? " and Layla replied: " Well, he might as well be her uncle, after all he and Mishell were meant to be. " that was also sweet, but Felix out cold then and didn't hear a thing.
They finished recording the new HeKriLix album the other day, it's propper beautiful, they called it " The Spiritual Side Of Amy* ", there are some really good songs and lyrics in there. Here are my two favourite songs of theirs.

The Damned Hatch.
Track: 1. 5mins. 10.
Recorded: 27.12.
Words by: Lix Velven.
Music by: Lix Velven & Hetty Jadve.
Especially to: Amy*, for all the lost love.
Also to: Amy*'s Steven* & Maye', for all the lost lies.

Verse1.
Sometimes I'd wished you'd lived nearer by
The sea, I wouldn't have had to travel so far
Every night, just to be there on time,
To see the sun rise.
Sometimes I wish...

Bridge.
You were mine.

Chorus.
Someplace other than here, I'll be me, again,
Somplace other than here, I'll become the
Lost child you fell inlove with.

Verse2.
Somedays you were worth every tear of mine,
I'd longed you'd cried
For me too, like I'd longed for the past,
Like I'd longed to give up life.
Somedays you...

Bridge.
Are still mine.

Chorus.

Verse3.
Someways I no longer mind,
You can slide the damned hatch all you like,
I slid it fist, I said goodbye,
Wouldn't be the first time.
Someways I no longer...

Bridge.
Wish you mine.

Chorus. x2

Outro.
Bleed, Amy*, bleed, for me,
Like I bled for you and you lover,
Like I'd bled for no other.

That made me cry so hard when I first heard it... Anyway, here is the other song.

Autumn Leaves.
Track: 3. 3mins. 10.
Words by: Lix Velven, Miss D.
Music by: Hetty Jadve.

Verse1.
Autumn leaves, fall, a heavy
Snow flake, fall, lands in
My hair, on my sleeve, reminding me
How last year, I walked down the street
On Christmas Eve, ever so lonely, it
Caresses my skin.

Bridge.
Autumn leaves, winter arrives.

Chorus.
My loss does not bother the one
Who constantly lies; Amy*.

Verse2.
Autumn leaves, a hectic
Snow storm, die, within
My heart, my next of kin, reminding me
How last year, they only wanted my money,
On Christmas Eve, they practised mourning
For me by an empty coffin.

Bridge.

Chorus.

Outro.
Amy*, Amy*, why promise me the world and then betray me?


I have to run, sorry. Dinner is served. Stef.

CHECK OUT http://klab.lv/~lirulik

I'll start with the fact I won't be able to write here over the weekend, you see, it being Christmas and everything, I'm going to take Felix with me too, to celebrate it with my family. We're both petrified, my family is huge. I have three sisters; Olga, Linda and Oksana, and I have a brother; Vladimir. And to the Christmas do we're having, my uncles and aunts, and my cousins are invited too, and my step- sister is invited too, and my best friend; Hal is coming too, he is almost like family, my mum is best friends with his mum, we've known each other ever since I can remember. Felix is anxious because apparently he doesn't like crowds and gets claustraphobic, didn't used to, only after Mishell died. I'm anxious of what my family will make of him, though at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether they do or not, he's my boyfriend and that's all that matters, that I love him and that he loves me.
Well, look on the bright side, at least we'll have some privacy, here every ten minutes a nurse comes to check up on him, and I do hope the affects of Felix taking those pills will either wear off soon, or they will take him off the pills, because I want to be close again with him, without worrying about his illnesses, just like it used to be. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't dump him for the world, no matter how ill he was, he is, I must say, the best lover I have ever had. Again, I am not being biast. I am not blind. Ask anyone he's been out with, he's the perfect boyfriend material, even when he gets paranoid after a while, people also say he is the perfect ex- boyfriend, or so he used to be. Christelle said ever since he was discovered to be schotsofremic in June, he's become really clingy, upset, easily gets wound- up and is very short tempered.
No offence, but the last time I knew, he has feelings for five of his ex'es, and you've got to be honest, everyone has their limits on how much of " I'm with this guy now, we;re doing great, we're going to be together forever, be happy for me " they can take, when only a month to a year earlier the person saying it, had said it about them. Get my drift? Yet Felix had his own way of making the girl saying it happy, " I am happy for you, what's he like then, gossip, gossip, " kind of thing, but what he actually wanted to say was " Can you please stop torturing me, it hurts really bad, and you know it does. "
Anyway, I do wish all of you a merry Christmas, have a good one, I can't wait, my parents might be buying me a new car for it. Alternatively I could just borrow Felix's. He has two. A purple Ka and a black Ka. One of them is a Brittish make, the other one- a German. He is so God damned rich, Felix is, I envy him sometimes, I really do, he inherited a load of money from his dad, from his mum, from his grandad, and he gets paid up to £20'000 a month, depending on how often he bothers to go to work, or how often he is mentally able to go to work, he saved my computer from a break down, my ex sent me a virus and Felix updated my disk with an anti- virus, that would've usually cost me an arm and a leg, for free. That anti- virus was made by Felix, that's why he can use it anytime he likes. I know, he's saved quite a few of his friend's computers. Any time you need, just ask him.
I've got to leave now, anyway, our bus leaves in two hours time and I've got to get ready, still have not packed anything, so, bye bye. Stefan.
P.S. stefan4thejerseymilk@inbox.lv - my e-mail.

" Isn't it funny how when something is going just about alright, somebody always manages to spoil it? No offence, but Felix's sister Martha is the biggest killjoy I have ever come across in my life. I've just hit rock bottom, which is kind of ironic. I was talking to Mattie; a friend of Joey's, a really troubled guy, if you ask me- he said the whole of Felix's family must be cursed. They all manage to lead other people in despair, they all die the most painful death and most of them end up commiting suicide due to mainly inherited mental illnesses. The family members on the Velven side especially are as seductive as fuck, they take everything and anything they can get their hands on, they are devious and selfish. Or so Mattie says. Many wouldn't agree. For one simple reason, he's only ever met two Velven's- Felix and Marck. I, myself think, that Felix's family is the most supportive, loyal and caring a person could get, they don't take, they give, and they enjoy seeing other people happy, and they give love, because love is the greatest gift of all. I am not being biast, I am not starstruck. I am not like that at all, I let no guy mess with my mind, so why would I let Felix. Not that he messes with my mind. He messes with his own.
Anyway, as I was saying, Felix's older sister is a killjoy, some of you might know, Felix thought her dead until now. About a year ago, she sent Felix a letter in which she said she didn't want anything more to do with him, she didn't want to live and was going to kill herself. Felix, being Felix, respected that wish of not being contacted, and believing that she'd thrown herself out of a window on the ninth floor, begun mourning for her. Now, you see, she has sent him a Christmas card, supported by a- in my mind - very depressing letter on their childhood together. Felix has not commented on it propperly, only at length. For example she said, she wishes they could, for the one last time, make the shapes of angels in the snow and go iceskating on the frozen lake, near where they used to live. Felix smiled mockingly and muttered he had grown out of that. I agree, he is 18, not eight, and she is 26, and needs to stop living in the past. I do wonder what they were like as children, must have been pretty smart, most people don't learn half as much in their whole lives as they have in two decades.
At the moment it is still pretty early, if you really must know, it is five o'clock in the morning here, propperly earlier, where you live, depending on how far west you live from Moscow. I am bored helpless, there's not much to do, the internet connection is set to adjust at nine, so four more hours to go. Felix is asleep too, and even in his sleep he looks lost and scared, I bet there are some people who'd say it serves him right, but those would be the ones with a grudge against him and personally, I think, a bunch of low lives. I wonder how many of you, people, have seen Felix sleep like this. It can't get mor fragile and innocent. If I had a digital camera, I'd take a photo.
The next bit, strictly for the grown-ups, you should see the sight ( some you have, obviously, in once having dated him ) when you've made love to him for hours on end, and he's fallen asleep in your arms, and you feel ever so responsible and protective towards him, and he looks so helpless, you don't want him to move, you don't want him to leave, you just lie there as still as possible and sometimes he'll only be half asleep and he'll open one eye and snort at you to stop looking at him like that, you'll burst into fits of laughter and that moment will be gone. Most times, it can last al night, and you could draw his expression the following morning, so flawless, then sometimes he'd start to shiver, because he'd get cold after a while, with the window open and the covers on the floor and you won't be bothered to put anything over him, because it's that perfect.
Talking of which I haven't slept with him for about two weeks, thanks to the stupid medicine, you just don't have sex with someone who could switch off any minute and forget who you are. A sad fact. I have to go now, it's almost six o'clock, and I'm suddenly feeling tired as hell. Bye for now. Stefan. "

[ That was what I wrote this morning, otherwise it's going alright so far today, apart from Felix throwing up at lunch ]

Beidzot izpeetiju kaa sheit kaut ko ierakstiit, ilgi gan pagaaja.
Sheit rakstiishu galvenokaart Angliski, jo sho vajadzees lasiit diezgan daudziem Latviski nerunaajoshiem cilveekiem.
Zso.

To: Martha Velven- Carter, Chalice Frette, Joey Frette, Christelle La Rou, Jamie Mallberry, Runa Reinonen, Cindi Elikseni, Emily Yulis, Yan Yulis, Kirsten Yulis Van Bliemael, Liene Vitols, Emma Van der Stuyft, Trey Bedrog, Imogen Bedrog, Britanny Frette, Jakob Glenwyn, Lara- Sasha Frette, Sola Sidrabsone.

Obviously, most of the people reading this know the reason for why this blog was created- Felix. It will mainly be on Felix, but forgive me if I go astray and begin to chat stuff about myself. I am not important here. As most, who know Felix, and who are reading this entry know, the inspiration for this was the side affects of Felix's medicine.

Situation #1.
Felix: Can I call some of my friends and wish them a merry Christmas? I mean, can I use your phone, because I don't know where mine is.
Me: Darling, you have no friends, you decided to have a break from everyone, remember? Masha ( a nurse ) took your phone, she said it was for the best, remember?
Felix: Oh right, no, I don't remember. I'll call my friends from the phone downstairs then, if you won't let me.

Situation #2.
Felix: I have to go now, Lara- Sasha will be waiting for me.
Me: Who?
Felix: Joey's niece. Yeah, anyway, she said she wanted me to go to the toy shop with her and all. She needs a new barbie, the dog chewed up the old one.
Me: The dog?
Felix: Yes. The dog. Carmen. The bulldog.
[ Later I found out the dog in question has been dead for about a year ]

Situation #3.
Felix: Can I tell you something?
Me: Sure, go on.
Felix: Promise not to tell my parents.
Me: Erm... Promise.
Felix: Marck made us sniff glue yesterday. My sister passed out for two hours and I didn't know what to do. We hid her in the old barn until she came around, meanwhile, when Mama asked us where Martha was, Marck lied for us and said we were just playing hide and seak.
[ As we all know, Felix has been an orphan for almost a year now. He hasn't spoken to Marck since Oscar's trial and he hasn't spoken to his sister for over two years ]

Other random similar situations have taken place since Felix has been on those pills, I'd rather have him like he was, thank you, than have him all drugged up, but noone listens to me. I am just Stefan. Yeah, Stefie, Stef, Steph, Stephie Baby. The guy from the attick. The guy who is just there. The guy who wouldn't make a blind bit of difference is he wasn't there. Sometimes I wish I wasn't here. Those times my own boyfriend doesn't know or recoknise me. Those times are rare, but they are still those times.
Otherwise we've been alright, save Felix's head banging, literally, on the night we arrived- 11th of December- just chucked all his stuff on the floor and banged his head against the wall a dozen times, yelling his head off about being an idiot. Everyone knows he is not an idiot, he has the highest IQ and EQ than anyone I know. Trust, I know a load of people. 50% through him, but there you have it.
I suppose I should introduce myself too, ( damn, here I go again- me, me, me )most reading this know I am Felix's lover, but that's about me.
Well, yeah, my full name's Stefan Rayne Nae.I'm originally from Ukraine, my parents are both Russian though. I moved to Jersey ( UK ), last year, before that I lived in Latvia. I speak eight languages. Yeah, I'm so clever, go Stef, go Stef. ( again, me, me, me ) Russian, Ukrainian, Finnish, English, French, German, Estonian and Spanish. I think. I get confused. A lot. Yeah, I like Westlife, a lot, especially Nicky, Shane's alright too, I like Blue, altough they all split up and I like The Darkness. I dislike prawns, they make me sick and I dislike jealous people. Doesn't everyone. Yeah, I also dislike Satanists, no offence, there are some pretty nice ones out there, but as a whole this community are annoying, self- centered and bitter. Yeah, I'm one of those dumb blondes, propper blonde, blue eyes, creamy, pale skin, 1m 70, my favourite colour is red, I wear a lot of red. I like Bjork. I got Felix into Bjork. He got me into The Darkness. Yeah. Enough about me. What about yourself? Deja vu. That's what people always say to me. That's what people always say to Felix. I guess, great minds think alike. He's cute. Sometimes he'll have this phased, dreamy look on his face, he'll look like he's about twelve years old, that's gorgous, angelic. Some couldn't tell. People are too blind to notice such things. Most are too wrapped up in their own problems. Like my ex-boyfriend Jon. God, did he do my head in after we split up. Yeah, we stayed friends for a while, like you do, but all he ever do when he spoke to me was complain that his love life was whack without me, that this dued had dumped him, or that he didn't have enough money. Alright, I am a good listener, but I am not a bloody pshychologist. Nor am I a bank.
Anyway, thanks for reading this, hope it has eased some people's pain, I hope you keep reading, and I also hope I have 100% of your sympathy and concern in this, all the way, we go. If needed call or text me, you've all got my number now ( damn, going to be skint in no time, again, me, me, me ), bye for now.
Stefan.
P.S. Those who speak Latvian, check out http://klab.lv/~miss_digory - her entries kick ass. Those who don't speak Latvian, check it out anyway.
To comment on this page, please click on " speak ", I think you can post without registering, yeah. Mwah.