I think I just got some clarity on what it means to be goth just now. It’s not about the clothes and the makeup and the music. It’s about not fitting into a world that tells you to shrink and conform and smile when you’re falling apart inside. It’s about understanding that you are different and you can embrace your difference, and you gotta pay the price. Being misunderstood by your teachers, so-called friends, even your own family, can become isolating. There’s this moment I imagine that every goth must face.
You have a choice; either break yourself down into something more acceptable, force yourself into a version of normal that everyone wants you to be, or you can embrace that shadow inside you, that one that’s screaming out, wanting to be seen, wanting to be heard, but knows that it’s just too weird for people to understand. Goths choose to embrace that inner shadow, lean into their weirdness, wear it like armor, and let your darkness be your beauty. When you’re in a place like a halfway house with nowhere to go and no one who really knows you, that identity, being goth, can become more than just a style.
It becomes your anchor, because being goth means you already know what it’s like to live on the outside. You already live in the cracks of the system. So when the worst happens, when your life is shattered, being goth is a reminder that it’s okay to be on the outside of society. The music reinforces the idea that it’s okay to live outside what’s normal, and there’s a level of comfort to hear that music and to see other goths who are also struggling to fight what’s normal, those quiet rebels, the kids who find beauty in broken places. I imagine that being goth makes you more resilient to problems like this. It gives you a tribe without borders.
It gives you a sense of self when the world pretends you’re invisible. So, I imagine being goth in that halfway house was an amazingly helpful way to get through it, to self-soothe. Every time he put on dark clothes, it was like he was giving himself a hug and saying, it’s okay to be different. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks of you. Man, to go through something like that, and goth being your anchor, that could easily make you goth for life. Man, I think I got carried away there. Okay.
smaidu