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September 8th, 2007
02:01 am - Reached below zero.
I'm so primitive. And it's so cold in here. And the cold is also "coming from inside".
Es gulēšu ietinusies trijās vilnas segās. Un, kad pamodīšos no rīta, man tik un tā būs auksti. Tas ir mans lāsts līdzās tiem citiem. Žēl vien, ka šis nav tas ļaunākais.
Rīt jāapmeklē zobārsts klusā cerībā, ka nenāksies veikt operāciju gudrības zoba likvidēšanai. Visi kā cilvēki, bet man gudrības zobs.
Vai man sanāk saglabāt humora izjūtu? Vismaz to? Varbūt es tikai iedomājos, ka man tāda kādreiz vispār bijusi.
Current Mood: Still freezing.
Current Music: Autumn - Satellites
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September 7th, 2007
07:29 pm - Frozen to the core.
Eksperimentālā ceļā iegūts secinājums, ko citkārt var saukt arī par teoriju - solitērs aizvieto smēķēšanu.
EDIT: "Smēķēšana sniedz mums ilūziju, ka mēs kaut ko darām, kad neko nedarām." Lūk, tāpēc.
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September 5th, 2007
07:22 pm
Quote of the Day
Of all the things I've ever lost I miss my mind the most.
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September 4th, 2007
10:52 pm
-You know she's dead because you can't feel her breath anymore. Do you? - SHe heard this voice right behind her but felt noone being there. She prayed for this nightmare to end. Suddenly she ran towards the front door as running for her life - and she surely felt that being true. The door slamed close as soon as she was outside.
It was so cold again. The sky was full of dark clouds as if it was just going to cry. She felt quite like that either. But she never stopped running. Over and over again, farther and farther away from the place she had called her home. Now it reminded only of a bloodbath she'd never seen. Whose blood was that?
No, that wasn't the only question, but she couldn't think right now. She had to keep running, until she would finaly feel safe.
Raindrops over her tender skin, in her black satin hair, falling over her eyes - still fear in them. In a middle of the forest she stopped as suddenly as she started running. She felt there would be no use to run anymore. She was hunted by something that had found her now. Tears mixed up with the rain, a useless cry for help, a blaze of insanity. She fell down on her knees begging for mercy. She felt it coming, she wasn't even scared anymore. What is that hurts so much?
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12:06 am
Name, she had forgoten her name. She seemed to have lost it somewhere. The fear was slowly vanishing from her heart. But she still couldn't remember. She walked slowly to the bedroom that was still covered in dark red blood. The phone rang - it sounded like a scream to her, a scream of horror and pain that echoed through the rooms. She hesitated but still answered the phone slowly rising it to the level of her ear. What she heard wasn't a voice of a human. It sounded like coming from another reality that she had never known...or maybe lost? The voice screamed "get out" and wasn't to be heard anymore.
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September 3rd, 2007
06:20 pm
They hate me and I kind of like it. That proves my existance. Or a mass halucination among them.
Nonākusi līdz izglītības iestādei, secināju, ka tā sāk ceļu uz degradāciju. Vēl viens no secinājumiem - man nav ne mazākās vēlmes izglītoties, vismaz pagaidām.
Jautājums - vai man vajag mācīties psiholoģiju? Vispār ir tā:
1. Mācīties gan psiholoģiju, gan programmēšanu,
2. Mācīties tikai programmēšanu,
3. Mācīties tikai psiholoģiju.
Pagaidām domāju uz otrā varianta pusi.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://klab.lv/img/mood/classic/blah.gif) apathetic
Current Music: Penumbra - Enclosed
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September 2nd, 2007
09:03 pm
Paskatīsimies, vai man pēkšņi izaugs spārni.
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01:47 am
She swallowed the dirty words she was just going to say and continued her proud walk within the fence. She was never afraid of them. So why should something become different now?
The night sky showed no distant lights. The cold winter air made it difficult to breathe - it seemed to freeze even souls. Even all of her thoughts - they were gone, taken by the night. The frosty wind played with her black hair as a naive child and it suddenly made her smile. Although she was allmost killed by hard work and trembling from every slightest touch of the wind. It was really cold, she decided to hurry up.
Seven minutes later she reached her home - as soon as the rain had started. Closing the front door she felt the lightning strike right behind her, miles away. She moved deeper into the room without even turning the lights on. As soon as she reached the bedroom, she fell asleep with all her clothes on. It was all so quiet.
She woke up several hours later and saw blood covering most of the sourfaces. She couldn't even scream - the fear had taken her voice, thoughts, everything. She just sat in the bed not moving for some minutes. Then she finally forced herself to stand up and examine the rest of the house. Whose blood was that? She saw all the mirrors in the house smashed into pieces and every curtain was torn apart. Some other rooms were also covered with blood like her bedroom, some were clear, containing only the broken mirrors and other strange things. She felt shocked and still frightened as hell.
Current Music: Autumn - Gallery Of Reality
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September 1st, 2007
02:28 am
Tearing myself apart from the inside. Quietly screaming in painful insanity. Breaking everything that's mattered to me into many small pieces that are never to be whole again. With great, inhuman force - damage, damage and destroy everything in me. And burn it all to hell. If it's the cost for being able to remain myself and keep these feelings, it's worth it.
"Not everything enough."
P.s. Maybe being all alone isn't as bad as I've immagined. I don't even remember.
Current Music: Rammstein - Mein Herz Brennt
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August 30th, 2007
11:37 pm - Alone We shall be.
Viņa sajuta nakti uz savas ādas kā viņa elpu – aukstu, bet tik maigu un mierinošu. Liekulīgu? Un viņa soļoja lēni, nesteidzīgi, cenšoties caurskatīt miglas plīvuru, kas aizsedza viņas neredzīgās acis, cenšoties nepamodināt tos, kas mīt tumsā. Taču tumsa sajuta savu valdnieci un krita ceļos tās priekšā. Pēc neskaitāmām minūtēm Morgana atskārta, ka viņai kājās nav kurpju – griezīgās sāpes, kad stikla lauskas caurdūra viņas maigo ādu. Tās dūrās aizvien dziļāk viņas asiņojošajās kājās, tiecoties sasniegt viņas mirušo dvēseli. Vai viņa bija to kādreiz pārdevusi? Viņa vienkārši bija dzimusi bez tās. Viņa bija saņēmusi dāvanu, kuru nebija lūgusi. Un šodien tas darīja sāpes. Tumšo ielu lukturi meta vārgu, dilstošu gaismu, kas grieza sievietei acis. Neredzīgās acis. Ledus auksts janvāra vējš palika nepamanīts. Es mīlēju tevi un mūžam mīlēšu. Mati plīvoja vējā un asras sala uz vaigiem, kas nebija karsti nekad. Tikai pēc stundas viņu savos skāvienos atkal slēdza rupjās akmens cietokšņa sienas. Citi pie kājām krita, piesaucot viņu kā savu valdnieci. Bet viņa jutās pievīlusi pašu Tumsu un neredzēja jēgas šādai valdīšanai. Šis nežēlīgais karš bija tai atņēmis visu. Morgana zaudēja samaņu. Viņu vidū to dēvēja par miegu, taču viņa alka īsta, cilvēcīga miega.
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Evanescence - Your Star
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