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May 16th, 2008
07:45 pm - Quote of the Day
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
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05:09 pm - Deathstars, Synthetic Generation
I play hell, you play heaven
I'm deaths own little star...
Can you trace the sins that haunt you,
And play the devil's cards as I do?
I am all that you see,
I am all that you want me to be!
I am God, and so the antichrist
I'm blessed, yet damned
I'm fallen, yet resurrected
I'm all of nothing!
I play death, you play life, triple sixes to rise...
Can you see the visions I brought you,
And the devilish games that I taught you?
I am all that you see,
I am all that you want me to be!
I am God, and so the antichrist
I'm blessed, yet damned
I'm fallen, yet resurrected
I'm all of nothing!
Synthetic generation...
Stop not, it's indifference high you must know...
I am all that you see,
I am all that you want me to be!
I am god, and so the Antichrist
I'm blessed, yet damned
I'm fallen, yet resurrected
I'm all of nothing!
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May 15th, 2008
08:13 pm - Quote of the Day
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
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May 14th, 2008
08:51 pm
I'm a mazochist, I want to live forever.
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May 13th, 2008
07:22 pm - May
I need more dreams I wouldn't want to wake up from. I need at least something serene and pleasant now. I don't want to disappoint other people.
Hint: Forgive me, sister, for being so absent recently.
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May 11th, 2008
May 6th, 2008
10:21 pm - ***
At the I saw that the army I once created had gone weak, people were dying again. The ones I loved and respected, the ones I would give my life for, just because they are worthy of it. Remains of my sanity saw their death and mourned for them and preyed for their innocent souls to the spirits of light. Still there was too much pain and lack of self-control in my mind, I could not continue the work I had started years ago. I saw my best warriors weak without me and the people of the woods being slaughtered by the Monsters. That cured my mind faster than anything else could have. My main aim was to restore my army to full force and crush the legions of our enemy. It seemed a lot easyer than it appeared. Men and women that once fought side by side with me were scared and not willing to protect the innocent...if they were not already dead, that is. And most of them were. Our enemy became stronger during these years. The people I tried to revive as great warriors refused. Some of them were still fighting, the strongest, the ones that had more than just physical strenght and dexterity, the ones that had also a mind as strong as their body.
I saw and did this all on my way to Thunder. I left my attempts to create an oposition against the Monsters and moved on remaining unrecognised. I moved into a small house, even though I could not even pay the rent at first. But I guess saving a couple of lives did the trick – the house was given to me as a gift for the life I bring. These were not the people that I still called my family in my thoughts, but these were good and kind people at most. The evil forces sometimes came to Thunder to hunt the innocent ones, sometimes they killed a couple of children, took some women with them, earning silent hate from the thunderians. Majorly speaking, the inhabitants of the town weren’t harmed. At all other times it was a peaceful town, full of joy and life...and sometimes fear of the evil that should return once again. I was as quiet as could be, specially when the Monsters came. As most of the women in Thunder, I tried my best not to resemble an attractive woman. Those were taken to realms of humanistic nightmare right away. I could not be defined as anything else than a former thunderian by the Monsters, who came suddenly, but never stayed for too long.
I spent most of my time in my little house, foreseing the happenings beyond future itself. Also I used the knowledge passed on to me by my family before and after I left them to protect their peaceful harmony of life. I used it only to help the people around me as they needed it. Never for my own good, as I was told by the high priests of my religion. I lost my faith along with my mind but the religion along with her sister tradition was still there, burnt deep into me like a posession mark. I was still young and considered very attractive. Thunderians thought I should get married. I used any excuse I could think of because I could not just reveal them that women never get maried where I come from. Besides – who needs a mostly insane wife? That is how I was never able to let anyone near me. Although I had a friend. Lady Marlene was the 19year-old daughter of a local teacher. A very smart and sensitive girl just my age. As I had noone to pass my knowledge to, I shared with her, because I knew she would protect those secrets with her life. She didn’t have the Sight or any other signs of a deeper mind, but her abilty to sense emotions and feelings of other people and her virtuosity in helping them with what they fell was bewildering. She was the only living person I could say I really loved with all my heart.
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May 5th, 2008
09:16 pm
Dear God, I'm really at the point when I need actual HELP with my studies...
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May 4th, 2008
01:49 am
Jā, jā, lēnām elpoju, dzīvoju. Ieelpoju skaņas un mākslu. Tur, kur es biju, ir daudz. Tur, kur es biju, tas šeit izraisa atkarību, kuru es tik ļoti mīlu, ka bez tās nespētu dzīvot, ak jā. Ak jā, es aizmirsu minēt, ka apziņas plūsma nav lietojama kā izpratnes līdzeklis itin nemaz. Pārlieka domu lietošana izraisa neīstus secinājumus, pārsteidzīgus un muļķīgus. Es gribu vēlreiz ieelpot uguni un sadrupt putekļos, saplūst ar vēju tā, kā reiz saplūdu ar visu pasaulē esošo. Neviens nekad nebija redzējis to, ko redzu es savā beigtajā iztēlē - tā kropļo it visu. Ak, es gribu ieelpot uguni sevī, lai dzīvotu. Un dziedu es vējam, tikai Tev, lai tas nes prom un nekad vairs neatgriežas, jo nevienam nav jādzird tas, ko es tomēr kliedzu. Lai dzīvotu man jāklausās klusums. Tur vijoles stīgu vairs nav. Un mani murgi ir tik labi, tik labāki par šo. Dvēseļu sadiste zūd. Es smaidu. Un mans tēls Tavos sapņos kļūst kā ēna, kas atgādina...asins traipus. Un mans tēls Tavos sapņos pamazām izplūst.
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Akira Yamaoka - Silent Hill (Zero) Origins
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May 2nd, 2008
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