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Wednesday, April 30th, 2003
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07:49 - la la la la la
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i`ve got a piercing in my belly botton, YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! finally i did! i fell good about it. la la la la ...to the point that some people think i`m crazy, but you know, I JUST DON`T GIVE A FUCK! i am what i am, so fuck off if you don`t like it...
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(3 comments | ir ko piebilst)
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| Saturday, April 26th, 2003
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02:36
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not used to letting go, but in the name of friendship, i have to....i`m not bothered about it or something like that, i`m just not happy the way i was maybe 3 or 4 days ago, i just wanna live, is that sometimes too much to ask?
i`m just crying inside, trying to furfill my goal in life, trying not to make mistakes, although it`s human to do that, but still, i don`t wanna cry, i don`t wanna ... but they are just comming from my eyes, just like that... it`s just like in this song ~my soul is cried, but it cured, cured from the pain it caused me~ or somethin like that..,.....what i mean is that, my soul can be crushed, but it will NEVER break my heart........no one will...
I`M TOO STRONG FOR IT!!!!
current mood: crappy
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(ir ko piebilst)
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02:03
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ok now i got a perfect idea for myself....yeah thats right killk myself. my life`s messed up, school, family.....blah blah blah.........damn..that`s it i`ve had enough i`m movin out.i shit on you....pizdu bljad! nahuj bljad pidarasi nAgli8je, nahuj.pishat savu pimpi no manas dziives.
i`m changing everything,all ...,..all the shit all...every single thing, every detail..,..ai pizdu....delet this shit.....pizdu./.;..,.
current mood: don`t care
current music: not what ya wanna listen to
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(ir ko piebilst)
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| Thursday, April 24th, 2003
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14:51
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lots of lots of fun, i feel good...........so good so good
that i feel good
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(ir ko piebilst)
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| Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003
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21:05
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20:22
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I look an see
The star upon me
is looking down
At me!
It shines....
It shines so brightly
that i feel dizzy
Dizzy from the shining
The star comes down
takes my hand
and flys me up
Up in the sky
Where everything is
forgotten;
All the pain,
All the suffering.
I`m in heaven.
current mood: dreamy
current music: Des`ree Kissing you
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(1 comment | ir ko piebilst)
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10:36
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| Tuesday, April 22nd, 2003
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09:59 - Ashanti Foolish
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See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
Baby I don't know why ya treatin me so bad
You said you love me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is eating for ya
I can't stop crying
I don't know how
I allow you to treat me this way and still i stay
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
Baby I don't know why ya wanna do me wrong
See when I'm home, I'm all alone
And you are always gone
And boy, you kno I really love you
I can't deny
I can't see how you could bring me to so many tears
after all these years
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
Oohhhhh
I trusted you, I trusted you
So sad, so sad
what love will make you do
all the things that we accept
be the things that we regret
too all of my ladies (ladies) feel me
c'mon sing wit me
See, when I get the strength to leave
You always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak cause I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You can learn to appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change
(never gonna change, never gonna change)
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
Baby why you hurt me leave me and desert me
Boy I gave you all my heart
And all you do is tear it up
Looking out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
This something always hold me back
current mood: whatever
current music: Ashanti Foolish
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(ir ko piebilst)
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09:59
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laikam jau jāsāk viss no sākuma,bastot, neit uz skolu, kaut gan ... kāda jēga no tā? vienīgais labums, var ilgā gulēt un izmācīties vairāk,hmmm, var jau gan.......
bet jēga tomēr nekāda.
current mood: whatever
current music: Wu tang clan Gravel pit
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(ir ko piebilst)
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| Monday, April 21st, 2003
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18:48
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Tā ir kā skabarga manā pirkstā;
tā dzīvo manī iekšā,
kad to lēnām ņem ārā,
tā liek tev saprast,
ka tas ko tu jūti...
ir sāpes.
mokošas sāpes,..
bet pārejošas...
laiks
laiks
trešo reizi laiks,
bet šīs sāpes palīdz.
Tās palīdz izārstēties.
current mood: crushed
current music: A-hA crying in the rain
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(ir ko piebilst)
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18:48
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dazhkaart ir mirklji, kad tu neveelies neko.vieniigais, ko tu veelies ir seedeet lietuu un paraudaat tik stipri, ka tev acis saapeetu visu atlikusho muuzhu.
labais dziives meerkjis.
current mood: crushed
current music: A-hA crying in the rain
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(ir ko piebilst)
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| Sunday, April 20th, 2003
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19:26
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| Saturday, April 19th, 2003
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11:36
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the problem with me is that i`m trying to hide my pain and keep it deep inside my heart. Night after night i try to get rid of them, but they keep commin back. It`s like a nightmare!!!!!!! I try and try to figure everything out, i try to find the reason for it, but everytime i make some kind of conclusion, and i had that feelin they are gone! NOOOOOONOOO! they come back and much stronger everytime!
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(ir ko piebilst)
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| Thursday, April 17th, 2003
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16:20
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ok somethin is bothering me again, i don`t know if i should notice it or not. everytime i start thinking about it, i panic.i just run away from it and try to forget it, maybe that`s why i drink or something, that was a stupid example. Bloody hell!!!! GOd! leave my mind alone, get out! don`t come in me....,...............................................
damn, it bothers me, it bothers me so much, that i can`t stop thinking about it...i have to find an answear, i just have to before i collapse.
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(ir ko piebilst)
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| Wednesday, April 16th, 2003
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18:34
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Es sēžu lietū un domāju, domāju un noskaidroju, ka visa mana līdz šai dienai nodzīvotā dzīve ir bijusi tikai viena vienīga ilūzija...
mani pirmie soļi, Dievs, kā es vēlētos atgriezt to dienu, to gadu un sākt iet pavisam pa citu ceļu, kaut vai pagriezties pa kreisi, nevis pa labi.
Kā es gribētu staigāt pa citām ielām, nevis pa tām pa kurām es pašreiz staigāju.... dažkārt rodas vēlme nestaigāt vispār. Dažkārt ir vēlme gulēt, gulēt un aizmigt tik dziļi, ka nekas un neviens nespētu mani pamodināt, pat ne man vissvarīgākais cilvēks pasaulē. NEGRIBU!NEVĒLOS!
Kur palicis mans iekšējais miers??????????????????????
Pazudis ellē...kas to lai zina, kur tas palicis, galvenais ir tas, ka tā vairak nav, tagad vienīgi ir palicis nepārvarāmās ciešanas,nepārvarāmais garīgais nogurums. Tas ir viss, kas manī ir palicis. Es varu staigāt pa ielām un skatīties cilvēkos, un pat dažreiz apbrīnot viņu spēju būt cilvēkiem. Tas ir viens grūts uzdevums būt cilvēkam, jo pašreiz par cilvēku es sevi nejūtu un neuzskatu.
Man nāk cilvēki klāt un jautā, kā es spēju saglabāt mierīgu prātu situācijās, kur lielākā daļa sabruktu. Es parasti atbildu, ka man ir stipri nervi. Meli! Es Meloju! Mani nervi ir tikpat spēcīgi un ievainojami kā jebkurai citai dzīvībai uz šīs planētas. Es neatšķiros ne ar ko, tikai laiku, kad es varu sabrukt, tā ir vienīgā atšķirība..........
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(ir ko piebilst)
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18:29
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the tears i`ve cried are loosing its meaning to me... i`ve cried a lot and for the reasons i just don`t know.
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(ir ko piebilst)
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| Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
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17:37 - damn me
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groovy huh, my life has reached a certain point that i`m not sure if i`m living it or not.....i have that really unsure feeling i`m missing something, that i`m not getting something......that i lost something... i just don`t know, i try to protect myself from all the pain and suffering, but my life keeps going back and back again......... i`m loosing it.
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(ir ko piebilst)
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| Monday, April 14th, 2003
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19:32 - moody moody, whatever
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i sit in my room and think
think think think
i see people around me
that care about me
and love me...
but not always i can feel it,
sometimes all i see is pain and suffering,God, why i always come to the conclusion, that the base of life is pain and suffering.... i`m sick of those words, sick, sick, sick......pain, suffering leads to death, death, hmm, to what death? the daeth of the humanity.. is that the conclusion??????Do i hope for it? actually, i don`t know.... i don`t know anythig, i can`t make up my mind about anything, i`m just not sure i can make the right decision.....Jesus,i`m scaring myself............ i think i know the answear to one of my questions, i`m scared of what i can do, if i let my emotions slip put of control, yeah, that`s the answear.
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(ir ko piebilst)
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| Sunday, April 13th, 2003
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17:31 - somethin i found today, lookin through the old stuff of mine
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~Life sux as it is on it`s way of living it. why do people try to make their lives be much better, but howcome they do it as it`s already said that it has its path already walken! it`s not necesserally to try to make it longer, it`s not needed! you smoke, you drink, you do drugs, you listen to the most depressing music you can find! Try, try, try and try to make it! DAMN YOU SHIT! people are born to suffer, to realize that it sux as the other half of you, the depressed one!
Kill me! Kill me! Kill me! No, you can`t kill me because it`s against your rules! it`s against all the things you have ever learned! they just tell you "Yeah, i hate you, i wanna kill you, plus you make me sick!", but when it comes to killing you, they stop and tell you that they were just jokking around! yeah, sure it`s against your own rules! The FUCKED UP RULES, that humans have made just to keep us under control! God, i wish there were no rules, no rules, that everyone would be able to do what they wanna do and be able to do what they are asked for!
No pain, no suffering, just pure living! i try to do it, but it`s impossible, cause my mind doesn`t work, it`s dead - but unfortunetly the body still works! Leave it! Let me go! It`s out, it`s done!
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(2 comments | ir ko piebilst)
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15:10 - the question
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people are full of questions, right ok, i get it, full and full of questions, what else, can we answear them? yeah we can. but try to figurev out the answear is a nother question,a question of time, but still a question. just like my mind is a question.....hmmm...
i`m tryin to find an answear to a question that i`m afraid to ask........ i`m afraid of the truth and the hurtin that i can have after finding the answear to the question.....oh shit fuck it, i can try yeah, sure, damn, help, Jesus i`m a stupid jerkoff!!!!!!!!!! my mind is lost, it has stopped thinking about the meanings in my life! Why so, huh? Why? i wanna think about my friends and my family, my cat, not about my fucked up life with full of shit and bullshit or whatever! i`m just a lost soul tryin to find a place where i can stay forever! where i can be happy, without the pain and hurting! no more pain that the thought of my fucked up life causes me, NO! i wanna change, i wanna change the people around me, just that i can save myself, save ny soul! that`s all i want, i wanna save myself, save my soul! I want to set my mind free!
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(ir ko piebilst)
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