Šodien izgāju cauri rudenim skatīties Call Me by Your Name, which was rough.. nabaga svētītie cilvēki, kas iekrīt straujajā, mežonīgajā, nesaudzīgajā mīlestības upē. Viņi var tikai ķepuroties, kamēr citi ar briesmām acīs un sirdīs, vai skaudību vai ar nožēlu raud līdzi. Es jūtu kā mīlestība būtu mans vismīļākais, vissenākais draugs par kuru es visu dzīvi dzirdu un atrodu viņa pēdas un pastrādāto visur, es viņu visur atpazīstu un saredzu, bet vienmēr savādi nokavēju, un mēs tā arī nekad nesatiekamies. Bet es uzmanīgi sekoju līdzi viņa darbībai pasaulē, un tajā saskatu gan šausmas gan skaistumu.
*
"..if there is pain, nurse it, and if there is a flame, don't snuff it out, don't be brutal with it. Withdrawal can be a terrible thing when it keeps us awake at night, and watching others forget us sooner than we'd want to be forgotten is no better. We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything - what a waste!
How you live your life is your business. But remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once. Most of us can't help but live as though we've got two lives to live, one is the mockup, the other the finished version, and then there are all those versions in between. But there's only one, and before you know it, your heart is worn out, and, as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it. Right now there's sorrow. I don't envy the pain. But I envy you the pain."
*
How much sorrow can I take?
Blackbird on my shoulder
And what difference does it make
When this love is over?
Shall I sleep within your bed
River of unhappiness
Hold your hands upon my head
Till I breathe my last breath
Oh, oh woe-oh-woah is me
The last time that you touched me
Oh, will wonders ever cease?
Blessed be the mystery of love.
simfonija: Sufjan Stevens - Mystery of Love
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